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softykooky · 4 years ago

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sanctuary: seven

summary: the absence of you is a void that they never thought they’d have to experience again. they were fine before they met you. but the sky would fall before the boys would be fine after you’ve gone. 8.03k words.

genre: mafia au, ANGST, poly au

pairing: ot7 x reader

warnings (READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION) : toxic and dysfunctional familial relationships, mentions of domestic abuse (physical and verbal), swearing, ptsd & trauma, poor mental health, mentions of anxiety & panic attacks, eating problems, alcohol abuse, abandonment issues...

rating: NC17

author’s note: okay I lied there’s going to be another part! I just couldn’t fit all that I wanted and I figured it was better to give you guys something now instead of making you wait another century for me to wrap up the story. please let me know if I forgot anyone in the taglist! please let me know what you think, and I hope you enjoy!

♡ series masterpost ♡

Just leave.

Like a cruel rhythm or a drum that keeps on beating in your chest to remind you of the pain that rips through your heart.

You’re such a fool, Y/N.

Should you blame them for growing tired of you? Even snapping at you like they did, or did you deserve it? It was so easy for you to wither back into the mindset your father had trained you to adapt at the slightest intrusion. Now, after that massacre in the kitchen with the people you trusted with your whole being, you weren’t sure if it was possible to think otherwise.

Through the warm tears that have clouded your eyes, frantically stuffing the little belongings you have into a backpack is otherworldly difficult. Your heart hurts. Your soul hurts. Your entire being hurts and you can only wonder how many times a person can be pushed aside and unwanted until they just completely break. You wonder how close you are to that point.

There’s anger running through your veins, cocktailed with devastation and confusion, but you’re not sure what it is you’re angry at. Were you angry at them? Could you ever be angry at them, even after they did something like this? You weren’t sure what to feel anymore, but that wasn’t important.

There was one objective in sight: pack up and get the hell out before you let anyone else completely destroy you.

But even then, you can’t help but to think about how they hadn’t even bothered to come after you. None of them did. And it ignites a different fire of pain that you’re finding harder to ignore. You’re halfway through shoving your shirts into the backpack when a soft voice sounds from your doorway. Jun is standing there, fiddling with her apron and warm sympathy on her face.

“Y/N, sweetie, they’re just...maybe give them some time. Please don’t go”, Jun sighs.

“No, Jun. They don’t want me here anymore”, your voice cracks at the realization. “I’m not going to stay and be unwanted. I won’t do it again. I-I can’t.”

When the last item is tucked into the pocket of your bag, you swing it onto your shoulder. The weight of the backpack feels as though it’s pulling you deeper into the ground. Like you are sinking and there is nothing you can do but wait until your head is submerged.

“Jun…” you breathe out, wiping away a warm stray tear, “could you...could you tell them that I’m sorry? I-I’m not sure what for, I guess for everything. But could you just tell them?”

Jun nods solemnly, though the reluctance is clear on her expression. Even she can recognize that you have nothing to apologize for. “I will, honey. Are you sure about this?”

“I have no choice, Jun. I love them and I-” you cut yourself off.

This is the first time you’ve been able to say it out loud. You love them. You’ve fallen in love with them and the timing could not be worse. But all in all, you consider yourself lucky. There was no way you would have recovered if you confessed and all seven of them inevitably rejected it. Perhaps this fight just saved you the great pain of knowing they cannot love you back.

“And I need to go.”

You’d have to leave before dinner. Through the back door. The one that no one thinks you know about but as always, no man gives you nearly enough credit as you deserve. You’ll tell the guards you’re going out for a walk and pray they don’t question the overstuffed backpack you’re hauling. You’ll just open it and run and…

Find a new home? A new life? Find a new set of souls that will cherish and care for you and make you feel like you’re actually meant to be in this world?

You love them. That much you know is true. And perhaps people like you weren’t meant to have love in this world.

“You’re excused, Lee. Be grateful you’re still here.” The venom in Namjoon’s voice remains clear as day, even after your ungraceful departure from the kitchen. You had left so abruptly with so few words that they weren’t able to even try and stop you.

They still can’t see straight through the searing anger that pulses through their entire being. Anger at the world, and the traitors, and the idiotic rookie that lost them thousands in shipments.

But the anger at you had faded a long time ago, the moment you bolted out of the kitchen and up the stairs. However, the boys were nothing if not stubborn. Why did you have to get in the way of their business? Why couldn’t you just remain kept away, for them to keep safe and away from the dangers of the outside world?

Jimin is the first one to make a move to the staircase, up to where you were packing, trying to be stealthy until the leader catches a glance of him.

“Jimin. Stop. Just let her cool off”, Namjoon sighs, pinching the space between his eyebrows to relieve his tension headache. He was usually the sensible one. The leader of the pack telling everyone to keep their cool. But the load on his shoulders has been getting far too heavy and you were the light breeze that caused it to collapse.

“You should wait to calm down before you talk to her, anyway. That vein in your forehead might pop out of your skin”, Hoseok snidely remarks.

Jimin scoffs, running a hand through his hair for the umpteenth time that day.

“Everything we’ve been doing has been for her best interest. Why is she making this so difficult?”, he exhales, frustration still licking at every word. But with a mere glance at Jimin, anyone in the room could tell that he truly held no antipathy towards you. That his words were coming from an unresolved pool of anger that had been bubbling away for ages.

“You don’t think she means it, do you?”, Taehyung mutters, eyebrows still creased in intensity. “The leaving part?”

“Where could she go Taehyung? We’re all she has at this point”, Yoongi speaks. A layer of irony coats the room as Yoongi remembers the words he had spat at you in the heat of the moment. A vicious declaration to tell you to leave, and he feels a string of guilt twining itself around his lungs. He numbs it away, of course. As he does everything else.

Jin takes a deep breath. “Listen, we’re all stressed and sleep-deprived. Why don’t we just calm down separately and talk it over at dinner? I’m sure by then, this whole thing will be completely forgotten.” His words sound sure and steady. Jin hopes they don’t notice the worry that bleeds into his voice.

A chorus of agreements and hums quietly sound across the room as the seven of them shuffle out of the kitchen and slowly saunter into their respective rooms. And as they tiptoe past your bedroom, where your door was shut tight, the boys can’t help but feel the rationality that has begun to trickle back in. The logic and reason that had abandoned them during the fight had slowly returned, and the thought of you on the other side of that door made them all want to barge in and hold you again.

Maybe they overreacted. Maybe they were wrong. Pride, however, was a stern mistress, and the potential consequences of their actions hadn’t yet reached their thoughts. They hadn’t realized the poison of their words.

They would wait a bit longer.

Everything would be okay after dinner.

The first thing you realize after leaving is that you chose the wrong pair of shoes to attempt an escape on foot. Of course, you had to be wearing the new ones that the boys just bought you that hadn’t been broken in yet. The heel was digging into your skin painfully, undoubtedly leaving red marks and calluses. Your feet ached with every step, but you had to soldier on. At least until you found somewhere to rest for a bit and figure out where the hell you would go.

A glance down at your phone has you eternally grateful for your past self for remembering to charge it. Hopefully it would last you until you found somewhere for the time being.

There was no more family in the country besides your immediate ones. And you’d rather swallow knives than go back to that. The thought of them makes you sad though when you remember Soyeon.

You wonder how she’s doing. The things she’s been up to. Is she shopping as much as she always does? Is she happy? Does she miss you? The train of thought makes you scoff at your own patheticism. Even after everything, you couldn’t find it in yourself to hate her. You would always love your sister.

The Bangtan manor hadn’t been as far away from the city as you had thought. On the other hand, you weren’t exactly paying attention to the time. Just let your feet carry you where they wanted to and stared blankly at the passing ground, trying to empty your thoughts as best you could. The sky was beginning to darken and the wind blew a bit colder but you refused to let it slow your pace. You couldn’t let yourself feel. Not yet, anyway.

The first motel you see is the one you enter. It’s not grand by any means; more of a fixer-upper. The wallpaper was peeling, the carpet reeked of age and dust, and the receptionist was chewing gum and scrolling absentmindedly on her phone. The place was a dump compared to what the likes of you tended to live in. But you had limited cash, and this would have to do.

It takes you three times clearing your throat for her to notice that a customer was at the front desk.

“Hello. I’d like a room with one bed, please.”

She doesn’t hide her blatant scrutinization of you, visibly looking you up and down with something akin to disapproval. Her phone is tossed on the counter annoyedly and she snaps her gum, wheeling her chair closer to the computer and clacks away on the keyboard.

“ID and payment, please”, she drones, holding out a hand without sparing you another glance. When she looks at the card you have placed in her palm, there is a spark of recognition. The Yoo family name. She must have seen your name in the paper or something. The ambassador’s daughter. In a place like this?

You are eternally grateful when the receptionist says nothing; just hands you back your card and dangles a key from her red-nail polished index finger. You two exchange no more words. The only sounds in the lobby are the clinking of the metal key, the padding of your footsteps on soft carpet, and the smacking of the bubblegum between her lips. But it is enough to begin to allow the loneliness in. The fear of it all. The uncertainty and utter devastation that you have left behind the one place that had just started to feel like home.

When the door of your motel room closes, and it is just you...

You with the clothes on your back, the necessities in your bag, and all the feelings you have kept bottled up for weeks on end. It is more than easy to collapse in a cathartic heap as soon as the lock clicks in place.

Who cares if the walls are paper-thin? You scream it out on the undoubtedly dirty floors. The agony of being so close to happiness only to have it ripped away from your hands. The pain of knowing them, only for them to push you out of their lives.

You don’t weep for anyone else. Not the seven boys you loved, not Soyeon, not your father, not Jun.

You cry for Y/N.

You cry for the realization that maybe the thing you’ve been chasing your entire life is simply not in reach. That peace was something you had to fight for, completely alone. That they don’t love you back, or even nearly as much as you loved them. If they did, you wouldn’t be here, desperately trying to hold yourself together for what seems like the billionth time. If they loved you back, well...you reckon that reality only exists in your surreal dreams.

There were distant cousins. In the states. And if you could get a hold of them, you had faith they would be willing to fly you over. You could spin an excuse at the drop of a hat. Maybe something about wanting to see America for a while and get away from your normal routine in Seoul. Something about needing space or enjoying time with missed relatives. They’d believe it. You’ll leave as soon as you can, hopefully in the morning.

Naturally, this night is sleepless and you swear the sky is darker than usual. It’s starless, and even the moon is nowhere to be seen, hidden behind overcast clouds and you want to cry even more. Because after everything, is it still too much to let you feel the light? Is it still too much to let you rest under a gentle nightscape?

You make a promise to yourself. To Y/N.

You wouldn’t let her chase after pipe dream happiness anymore. You wouldn’t let her be so naive, so hopeful for something better. You’ve had your chance at finding it, and after more bumps and bruises, have come to the conclusion that maybe it merely does not exist for you.

You promise her a lifetime of loneliness and solitude. But those are familiar things. Comfortable things. And you would take that over a broken heart any day.

As soon as they fell onto their respective beds, all seven of them had drifted off to sleep. It seemed that days of constant work, chugging black coffee, and pulling consecutive all-nighters had taken its toll, and the boys finally caught up to the pure, unadulterated exhaustion.

The seven of them slept through the night, plans of dinner completely forgotten as they glued themselves to the comfortable bedding. Unfortunately, with needed rest came a clear mind and the realization that they had been completely and utterly horrible to you ever since it all went down.

Jungkook is the first to wake up. He brushes his teeth and slips on an outfit with a rapid fervor, ready to put everything behind him and just...hold you. Because he realizes it’s been weeks since he actually has, and maybe that’s just the thing he’s been needing. To feel your frame in his arms and hear your soft breathing.

“Taehyung! Get up!” Jungkook pounds on the door of his hyung’s room. He hears shuffling from the other side, and a rustled bedhead emerges from a dark cavern.

“What Jungkook? It’s too early for this”, he grumbles, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“Hyung we all slept like the dead through dinner. I’d rather not let this whole thing with Y/N marinate for any longer. Get up and let’s talk it through, I know you miss her like crazy too.” Jungkook does his best to keep his voice down since you were still sleeping in the room beside Taehyung’s. He has to round up all of them first before asking you to come out.

So he does. Sweeps his floor and the one above to awaken the other six men. Jin and Namjoon were the only others who were dressed and ready to tackle the day. The rest of them moved like zombies to rid themselves of the sleepy fatigue.

Somehow, they all manage to congregate in front of your door, nervously staring it down while the tension in the air choked them. It’s unnerving. The radio silence coming from your room. You must be really upset, and reasonably so. Hoseok clears his throat, twisting his hands together out of nerves, and glances at the others.

“Well? Should I knock?”, he whispers. The other six nod solemnly, glaring at the door like it might combust at any moment.

He steps forward gingerly and raps on your bedroom door thrice. The seconds trickle by like molasses, even slower when there is no sound from your end.

He knocks again.

Nothing.

A third time.

Complete and utter silence.

“Y/N?”

Hoseok’s eyebrows deeply furrow, and with trepidation, he twists the doorknob and swings it open. The bedsheets are made, duvet untouched and pillows stacked neatly against the headboard. The curtains are drawn and everything looks fairly clean. Almost as if there was no one in there in the first place. Now that he looks closer, the only sign of you being there was the vase of brown and wilting peonies on the bedside table. The ones they had gotten for you months ago. Even your scarce amount of belongings were nowhere to be found.

In the ache of the silence, nothing can be heard but their utter shock. Their minds jumping to the worst conclusion but still in denial because there’s no way that you would do that. No way they could have lost you when they all loved you so much.

“M-maybe she’s in the basement. Or the library. I’m sure she didn’t….she hasn’t….”, Jimin cuts himself off as he drifts off into all the terrible possibilities. Namjoon yells at the guards downstairs from the second floor, and the sounds of their rushed footsteps to find you in this giant house is the only noise that reaches their ears.

“Jun!” Taehyung hollers down below, where she is undoubtedly fussing away in the kitchen or slaving over a boiling pot. The woman calmly emerges upstairs with a sharp gaze, head held high and shoulders stiff in her posture. There is no emotion on her face, except the faint disappointment as she stands in front of the seven men.

“Where is she?”, Yoongi growls, stepping forward like a huffing beast, but Jun remains unbothered.

“Where is who?” Jun monotones.

“Don’t play dumb, Jun. Where is Y/N?” She scoffs at the concern dripping in Yoongi’s voice. How ironic that the very person who maliciously told you to leave was now in pieces at your absence.

“I was surprised you even noticed. It’s not something you’ve been doing as of late. Noticing”, Jun calmly retorts. She’s never been one to be afraid of them. Never scared to stand up to them, because though they were grown men, they often still needed some mothering.

“What the fuck does that even mean?” Jungkook spits, frustratedly gripping at his hair.

“Is it not true, boys? Y/N’s been practically invisible to you these past few weeks. Who knew it would take a mere fight to finally get you guys to pay attention to her.” Jin’s reflex is to immediately respond with an argument. But the words die on his tongue when he realizes the truth in Jun’s statement.

The seven of them stare at her in silence, still high-strung on stress and anger, but intent to listen to her words.

“She left.”

The two words that they had been so desperate not to hear sound like a death knell when they fall from Jun’s lips. Their blood runs cold, and the temperature in the house drops to subzero. A moment frozen in time and all they can do is be forced to come to terms with their actions . The room immediately explodes into desperate questions and exclamations to their head housekeeper.

“Where is she? Did she say where she’s going”, Hoseok tearily yells.

“Did she leave a note?” Jungkook chews on his lower lip until it bleeds.

“When did she leave? She couldn’t have gotten far.” Jimin grabs Jun by the shoulders, forcing her closer as if he could look in her eyes and pretend she was lying.

“Excuse me if I am speaking out of turn, Sir”, Jun clears her throat, “but what did you think was going to happen?”

The seven of them are stunned into silence, swimming in utter confusion and worry about where in the world you could be. If you were in danger at all.

“She’s been left by herself for weeks. In this big, cold house while you all were wrapped up in your business. Tried talking to you so many times, but you all pushed her away.” Jun sighs disappointedly.

Her words ring with truth, and perhaps that is the most painful part about it all. The boys can’t do anything but stand there and listen. You were dear to Jun, and she wouldn’t let the fear of standing up to her intimidating bosses keep her from saying the things you didn’t have the courage to.

“Y/N, she...she’s been struggling. Did she tell you that? Wouldn’t sleep for days, so I sometimes snuck melatonin into her afternoon tea. But still, she’d come out of that bedroom with dark circles that almost looked painful. I’m surprised you didn’t hear her toss and turn all night, Taehyung.” Jun spares him a glance. Not malicious or accusing. Just genuine curiosity and it makes Taehyung want to burrow himself into the ground.

Namjoon’s heart drops as Jun continues speaking. How could they have been so oblivious to everything? So out of touch and wrapped up in other priorities that they seemed to completely forget about you? Arguably the most important person in their life.

“Sometimes, she even refused to eat. Couldn’t even stomach a cup of soup, and she’s gotten so thin, I had to tailor all her clothes.”

Jin’s eyes widen at the statement, his throat in knots and the sinking feeling in his gut only magnifying. Like ice water to warm skin. That’s how Jun’s words felt to their system. Like they had been so blind this entire time, so distracted by everything else that they forgot someone who had become one of the most important people to them.

“Forgive me for speaking my truth, sir. But I’ve never quite felt such disappointment when I heard the things you said to Y/N yesterday. A-And I don’t condone her decision to leave. But can you blame her?” Jun sighs, exasperated as her worry for you seeps into her consciousness.

Jimin pushes away the tears that have clouded his eyes, looking down at the marble floors so that no one sees the gloss that wasn’t there before Jun started speaking. He pretends not to notice the way Jungkook’s tremulous and shaky breathing, or the way Yoongi’s fisted hands have turned completely white from the tension. All he can think about...all they can think about...is you.

Hoseok coughs, clearing his throat and steeling his voice to not show emotion. “Did she tell you where she was going?”

Jun shakes her head solemnly, twisting her apron in her hands. The boys begin to make their way downstairs, tension in the air thicker than ever and only one priority clear in their minds.

“However…”, Jun’s small voice stops them in their concentrated footsteps. “While she was packing, she told me to say one thing to you all.”

It’s expectant. They almost don’t want to hear it at all. Hearing it would affirm that they are completely undeserving of you. That you are an angel among beasts whose love language is to destroy and wreck. That maybe leaving them would be the best thing to happen to you.

“She told me to tell you she’s sorry. For everything.”

Everything is what you deserved. Everything is what they would do to prove that to you.

Korea from the view of your aunt’s private jet was a bittersweet revelation. It was beautiful. So achingly and hauntingly beautiful with the ghosts of your past and the shattered promises for the future. If you squint, you could still make out remnants of the Han River. Traces of a place that seemed to cry for you as you left for the states.

You didn’t want to be truthful to yourself. You didn’t want to admit that you wouldn’t miss Korea because of the people or the landscape or the weather. You’d miss it because they were there. That home had been so close you could nearly taste it.

The trip was a chaotic blur. You faded in and out of sleep, in a hypnotic trance that proved to be your body’s self-defense mechanism to repress every emotion you had felt since you left. Stewardesses offering you flutes of champagne, drivers loading and unloading your luggage, the words of everyone around you flowing in and out like a stream of water that you ignored.

“I trust everything is to your satisfaction, Y/N? Really, you must come visit more often. Your uncle and I have missed you terribly.”

Your aunt had always been a kind woman. She was from your mother’s side, and like everyone else, so oblivious to the true nature of the Yoo family. How sinister things truly were behind those closed, gold-plated doors. Their house was grand, large enough so that you could make yourself scarce and wouldn’t be a disturbance. Though you couldn’t help but to notice the lack of boyish voices drifting down the hall, or the rhythm of Taehyung’s hands on the keyboard in the room next to you.

You offer a kind smile to the butler, who gently sets your singular backpack on the plush bed that screamed out your name.

“Thank you so much for everything, Aunt Kim. I promise I’ll transfer over the money for the plane fees and carry my weight around here for the time being.”

Your words make you nearly wince with the uncertainty of your wobbly plans. Where would you even get the money? Ask your father? Ask them?

“I....I promise to be out of your hair as quickly as I can”, you shakily breathe, failing to convince yourself. Yet your aunt only holds a kind smile and a warm gaze.

“Stay as long as you want, dear. It’s the least we could do to repay everything your family has done for us over the years. Especially your father.”

You know you cannot blame her oblivion. Not when it is such a well-guarded secret. Yet her words douse kerosene to the fire in your chest. Tugs at the stitches of the subconscious wounds you have yet to heal. It makes you remember them. Your boys. How they would burn at hearing such words, grit their teeths and spit poison at anyone who held your father’s name in a high regard.

Or would they? After everything, you’re not so sure anymore. Painful or not, it makes you miss them even more.

So you smile. Bite your tongue, hold your fists at your side, and thank her again for the kindness she has shown you when you had nowhere else to run. America felt different. The air itself seemed like a culture shock. Being the ambassador’s daughter had prepared you for fluency in English and how to carry yourself diplomatically, but the journey ahead was bound to be rough.

For the first time in your life, you would be the only one you had to care for. Not Soyeon, not your mother, not Bangtan. You’d have to do this by yourself, now, and though all the emotions you have locked away will inevitably return to confront you, this sanctuary for now would have to be enough.

You were surprisingly more difficult to find than the boys had expected. Traveling alone with no clunky belongings meant you were able to move more quickly than they had anticipated and the motel you stayed at was paid for in all cash. However, nothing in the city could really happen under Bangtan’s watch, and here you were. Video footage displayed on the screen of their basement office, and they can only feel heartache as they watch you through the screen.

“She checked out in the morning. Got picked up by a gray SUV and taken to the airport.” Taehyung drones, eyes still glued to the screen. Like looking at your pixelated face would bring you closer to him somehow. He missed you. They all did.

“The plane’s not registered with any public company, so I’m guessing it’s a private one belonging to her family.” Taehyung adds on, leaning forward in his chair to rest his elbows on the table. The air was tense with frustration. Anger at themselves and at each other for letting his happen. For making you run away.

“Any idea where it’s going?” Yoongi quietly murmurs from the end of the long table.

“America.”

America. You felt so discouraged and hurt by them that you had to go all the way to America. They did this. This is their fault.

“So? What are we waiting for? Tell the guards to prep the jet to America. We’ll bring her back”, Jimin gawks at Namjoon, who nurses a glass of scotch like it’s his lifeline. The room falls silent awaiting their leader’s course of action, but the six of them are left speechless when Namjoon himself starts laughing. The kind of laugh that sends chills down their spines. So raucous yet emotionless. So full of hidden pain. Namjoon tips the rest of the glass down his throat, looking at them all with a hopeless expression.

“What makes you think she wants to see us? After what we put her through? Hell, I’d be surprised if she lets us within a 10 foot radius.” Namjoon’s words are cruel, but they can’t help but to believe it to be true.

“N-No. She’ll understand that we were stressed. I-If we just explain everything, I’m sure she’ll-”

“Don’t you remember what happened in the kitchen? What Jun said? She’s been withering away for weeks, Jimin, and none of us gave enough of a fuck to notice. We made her feel invisible.” Namjoon chuckles, but there is only pain in his tone. One that he drowns out with another swig of top-shelf whiskey.

“We can fix it. We can go to America and fix it”, Hoseok stares down the leader, insistent on making efforts.

“No we can’t Hoseok”, Jin’s brows furrow, eyes lighting with fire, “Jun said she didn’t sleep. She didn’t eat. I wouldn’t take us back either.”

The boys know better than to take it personally. They were all heartbroken in the wake of your leaving, so desperate to get to you yet ashamed of themselves, apprehensive of if they even have the right to chase after you.

Jungkook leaps up from his seat, chest huffing and hands raking violently through his hair. He paces back and forth, eyes swimming in hurt and frustration until it all seemed to combust through his body, flinging his office chair to the side to find any form of catharsis.

He spares a poisoned glance over to Yoongi’s direction, who still sits with his eyes glued to the floor, as if ashamed of his mere existence.

“You.” The malice in Jungkook’s voice is crystal clear.Yoongi’s shirt collar is acquaintanced with Jungkook’s fisted hand, and he grips onto the older man like a viper to its prey. As if blunt force could make you come back. The other five boys could only watch.

“You did this. You told her to leave. Now she’s gone. I loved her, Yoongi.” Though Jungkook’s words are pumped with antipathy, the sheer devastation is heard most through it all. Yoongi doesn’t fight back. Doesn’t even make a move to push the younger off or shield himself from oncoming hits. Just sits passively with a monotone expression, staring into Jungkook’s eyes with a blank gaze.

“You’re not faultless. You yelled at her too.”

No, none of them are faultless. And perhaps Yoongi’s words were the nails in the coffin, but they all had part in pushing you to that brink. Jungkook’s eyes gloss over with defeat, and the grip he had on Yoongi’s shirt loosens. He steps away, unable to meet any of the gazes of his older brothers or the footage of your distressed face on the flat screen monitor. Leave. That’s all he’s known to do.

“Jungkook?” Yoongi holds no anger in his voice. It stops Jungkook in his tracks as he waits for his hyung to finish.

“I loved her too. We all do.”

They can only pray they’ll get to tell you.

The diner two blocks away from your aunt’s apartment complex is the last place anyone would expect Ambassador Yoo’s eldest daughter to be, much less employed at. You had spent the last two weeks scouring the area for a place that would take a girl with no prior work experience, a pending student visa, and no contacts or references. But here you were, working a minimum wage job and saving every penny to make something of yourself in this entirely new country.

It hasn’t been easy. Trying not to think about the seven boys that you left back home. The seven boys that you love so desperately and hopelessly, and foolishly thought they felt the same. It’s in the wee hours of the night that you toss and turn, closing your eyes and imagine yourself back at their manor. You will your brain to manifest the clacking sounds of Taehyung’s keyboard from across the wall or the footsteps of Yoongi’s bulky shoes when he walks past your door every night.

You miss them compulsively so. And perhaps they do not deserve your thoughts or heartache, but it belongs to them. Even after everything, you still belong to them. But you won’t give yourself the luxury of thinking you mean more than someone who they took pity on.

The days are the same. You get up early in the morning, put on a pot of coffee by yourself much to the disapproval of the housekeeper. Though it’s baby steps, you feel more independent this way. The coffee is terrible, of course, but it’s the thought that counts.

You leave before your aunt even leaves her bedroom, dedicated to your full-time job and earning money whenever you can. The pay is almost humorous, and a week’s worth of your labor probably equates to what Soyeon spends in a day. But it is your work. Your money. And though everyday starts and ends with heartache and longing for a life you once had in your grasp, it feels refreshing to learn to only need yourself.

“Y/N”, your manager sighs as you stumble through the door with frazzled hair and painfully dark under eyes. “You’re late.”

“I know, I know, I’m so sorry. Traffic was insane this morning. It won’t happen again.” Your hair is expertly swept back into a haphazard bun, fiddling with the apron around your waist before jumping to the orders that have begun to get cold on the counter.

The work was simple. Slow. But it was honest and enough for you. The diner was calm; a refreshing environment from the one you had in Korea.

“Here you are, sir. Black coffee and a side of toast”, you muttered in a sugary sweet voice, fake smile stretched on your face to hide the perpetual pain in your chest that has not went away since you left the Bangtan house. It’s easier these days to just not think about it. To completely repress the trauma of your father and the boys and the failed therapy. The smile drops as soon as you turn around to walk back to the counter.

“Rough morning?” Lina’s voice is gravelly, rough from the coffee and 15-minute smoke breaks she takes every lunch.

“Something like that.” You collapse onto the cashier counter, holding your head in your hands to will away the pounding ache of your temples.

“First it was me completely sleeping through the morning alarm. Then it was the bus detouring and making five extra stops they usually don’t”, you huff.

“Y/N?”

“And don’t get me started on the fact that I decided to drop my phone in a puddle when I was running here.”

“Y/N.” Lina’s voice cuts through your venting monologue. She stares past you, as if there was something behind you captivating her attention.

“I think someone is staring at us from across the street.” Your brows furror at her words, whipping around to the window. When you see him. The air in the diner thins until it completely disappears, and the breath is stolen from your lungs.

Your paled face and shaking hands is what he sees from where he’s standing, clad in a black hoodie that covered his head, but you could recognize him in your sleep.You are both frozen in time and chaos, staring at each other like you both did not belong. Eyes glued to the other like you are both too good to be true.

Are you imagining it? Through the tears that reflexively pooled in your eyes and the way your body quivers, are you finally going insane and imagining a person who has been plaguing your mind for weeks?

Your feet carry you into action when your mind is still stuck in shellshock, bursting out of the diner doors with desperation on your tongue, hands reaching out as if it would span across the streetlight and bring him closer.

“Jin?” You are not quiet. You scream his name across what feels like a chasm, but is only just a couple meters away. Your legs usher you into the open street, and cars veer and honk to avoid your form, frozen on the crosswalk.

It takes you one second to blink and him one second to disappear into the crowd. Like he was never there at all and your mind was playing cruel, evil tricks on your already crumbling soul. A ruse that Lina was in on, just to torture your decimated spirit.

Could you allow yourself the luxury to think that he had come to see you? You didn’t know if you even wanted him to, didn’t know if you had it in you to forgive and forget.

“Jin.”

It comes out as a shaky whisper under your breath. A broken voice that longs for something she cannot have. Something that was so far in space and time it now felt like a figment of your imagination. You allow a tear to fall, your heart to crack a bit more, and return to the diner.

“Where have you been running off to these days?” The words are snide. Coated in feigned concern and curiosity and meant to be a jab at Jin’s recent absence in Bangtan activities. They are easy to fall from Yoongi’s lips as he steals another swig of the McKellan whiskey he’s been saving up for a special occasion or a rainy day. What more fitting than to mourn the space in his heart where you used to be.

Jin stays silent, only giving the intoxicated Yoongi a heavy eye roll and trudging past him. To say that the seven men were in terrible shape after your departure is a gross understatement. But Yoongi’s onset alcoholism seemed mild compared to how the rest of the boys were faring.

Both Taehyung and Jungkook haven’t left their rooms since finding out you were in America, only the sounds of their computer keys, heavy footsteps, and the empty food plates left at their doors to signal that they were alive in there. Namjoon had thrown himself into work, picking up the slack of all the other boys and sometimes emerging from his office at the early hours of dawn looking like he hasn’t slept in a week. His gaunty face and the way his once fitted shirt now falls loosely on his shoulders tells Jin he hasn’t eaten much either.

Hoseok could more often than not be found in the training room, breaking and bruising himself to numb him from the pain of losing you. He takes it out on the poor gang recruits that were unlucky enough to be chosen to spar with him.

And Jin? Well, Jin spent his days away from the house. Away from the business and the drugs and the people. He never tells anyone where he’s going or when he’s coming back and they are all too drained to try to ask. The boys live together but not truly. Just exist and breathe in the same space and too resentful of themselves and the others to fix the fragments you left behind. They miss you. Long for you and burn for you like they never have for anyone else.

See, it’s one thing to not know where you are and be forced to be away from you on the basis of ignorance. But to know your exact location, have the time and resources to easily get to you, yet can’t come to you because they’ve hurt you immeasurably is a different kind of torture. A different kind of ache that haunts their souls at every waking moment. You are so close and so far away, and they only have themselves to blame for the distance.

“Jun, can you make a meal for Namjoon? I’ll take it up to him.” Jin sighs to the housekeeper, shedding off his coat on the kitchen stool.

Jun nods knowingly, fully aware of the effects your absence has had on the masters of the house. And she is not blind to Jin’s indifference or the way he is doing worlds better than the others.

“He’ll probably try to yell at me and make you go away first. But he’ll be thankful eventually.” Jin nurses a cup of tea to warm him after his journey. Ones that he takes every week and for days at a time.

Jun nods again, assembling a tray of food that Namjoon will undoubtedly leave to get cold either at his door or the end of his desk. Before he leaves, however, Jun spares the man a knowing glance and a sad smile.

“You may want to return the private jet more promptly next time, sir. The others have gotten...wary.”

Jin’s eyes widen at her words, frozen for a millisecond in his footsteps as realization strikes in that he hadn’t been as inconspicuous as he thought. He says nothing as he departs from the kitchen. Only stares at the marble floor and wonders what would be the next time he’d get to see you. Even if from a street’s distance.

It takes four syncopated knocks before semblance of a noise emerges from behind Namjoon’s closed door. It comes in the form of an angered grunt, but Jin is no stranger to his leader’s brunt. He opens the door with no further permission.

Namjoon is in worse shape than he had expected. His hair is another level of unruly, greasy and matted and looking like the man ran his hands through it a billion times. The paperwork strewn across his desk and floor reflects the mess in Namjoon’s own head. Like he is suffocating himself in his work but still finds breath in his lungs. Still finds you in his thoughts.

“You need to eat”, Jin states demandingly. Namjoon only hums in response, keeping his eyes glued to the work in front of him. Jin pushes the tray into his line of vision.

“Eat, Joon. You can’t work if you starve. Y/N would want you to eat.”

Your name makes his pen stop writing. Makes his eyes widen like he hasn’t heard it said aloud in ages. It’s pathetic to Namjoon, really. How much one person has affected him.

“How would you know what Y/N wants, Jin? How would any of us?” He sneers, resuming the scribbling on his paper. Jin sighs dejectedly, opting to leave the food on his table and not be bothered with trying to help someone who so clearly didn’t want to be helped. He turns around to leave. Until Namjoon opens his mouth again.

“Unless….”, he teeters, “you do know what she wants.” He tosses the pen and papers aside, crossing his arms and sitting back in the desk chair.

“Unless you’ve been going behind our backs to see her.”

Had he been turned around facing Namjoon, the younger would have seen the clear exposed truth on his face. The blatant and unhidden look of guilt and shame that he quickly masks once he whips to face Namjoon.

“What are you talking about?”

The responding statement is quick. Too quick. Too accosting. Namjoon squints his eyes.

“Only the several days these past weeks you’ve disappeared from Bangtan’s radar. The bills for the jet fuel sent to my directory. The pilots you’ve been pulling away from our forces in Korea to personally tend to whatever shady business you’ve been hiding under my nose.”

Namjoon’s words are rapid fire, piercing into the facade that Jin thought he had so carefully crafted. He should’ve known nothing goes unnoticed under the leader’s eye.

“Namjoon, I-”

“Just be glad I didn’t tell the others. Especially Jungkook.” The thought of the youngest makes him sigh. Jungkook has always been so volatile. A ticking, emotionally-charged and codependent time bomb hiding under that muscle and masculinity. Namjoon knew better than to expose something like this just yet.

When he looks up at the man standing in the doorway of his office, he’s looking straight past him. Through the window like it was you he saw in the sky. Observing him now, up close and with more attention, Namjoon finally gets to truly see him.

On the surface, Jin is faring worlds better than any of them. He’s clean and freshly showered, hair coiffed to perfection like it usually is. He dons a black button up; perfectly ironed without a crease in sight. But Namjoon knows him better than that. Jin looks so utterly drained it stirs sympathy in even the darkest of hearts. His eyes communicate something his words can’t: Seokjin is completely lost without your light.

“I’m sorry.” The words come out breathily. Like he’s been waiting to say it all this time but couldn’t.

“I just…”, he stares down at his hands, “I just needed to see her. See if she was doing alright after we…” Jin trails off, not able to face the truth of their actions just yet. And though there is lingering anger in Namjoon, he can’t help but to feel his distress vicariously.

“You know, she’s a waitress now. At this small, run-down diner downtown. With a cute little apron and everything”, he chuckles softly, sadness seeping in every word.

“She lives with her aunt and uncle, and walks everywhere because she doesn’t have a car, at unholy hours of the night which keeps me up every night constantly worrying about her. But that’s Y/N, isn’t it? So careless of her own safety and well-being.”

Namjoon refrains the smile that creeps on his face at the thought of you.

“She was smiling when I saw her. I could still see she was sad but she was smiling. Like she always does just so other people feel happier around her.”

“Jin, you don’t have to-”

“And she’s lost so much weight, Namjoon. She was trying to yell out for help and all we did was ignore her.”

Jin’s words are nails on a chalkboard. Vinegar in wine. It makes them both nauseous and rueful, and the oxygen in Namjoon’s office suddenly becomes all too suffocating. Your presence, or lack thereof, has left a heavy residue on the walls of the manor.

The two boys sit in silence for a moment, before the sound of thumping boots on hardwood flooring echoes down the hallway, getting louder as it approaches the office. The door is nearly taken off its hinges as it violently swings open. Taehyung stands in the threshold, sweat on his brow and chest huffing up and down like an overexerted engine. He is pale in the face, hands trembling at his side and the sheer shock in his gaze tells the two older men that the words preparing to slip from his tongue are not going to be pleasant. Jin and Namjoon brace themselves for impact.

“It’s Y/N”, his whispered voice quivers. Their hearts drop.

“There’s been an accident.”

taglist: @pinkyhim, @deolly, @loveyoongles, @drunkzseok, @hope122598, @uwunamjoon, @nomimits7, @bubblebunnylia, @aquaalanah, @juliie-ocha, @daydreambrliever, @btsbabby, @blank-et-noir, @myheartstaysinkorea, @rosiethefairy, @tiredjedi, @lovemyself-persona, @jeoncookie-bts, @annoyingpessimist, @beach-bitch-bitch-beach, @fangirling-all-the-way-tbh, @btstxtgenre, @taesugaar, @hxsxxk-180294, @bubbletae7, @uglyratlmao, @hopetookmysoul, @supertweetycherry, @missseoulite, @barbikatherine, @jamesfrickingbuchananbarnes, @sunsetsnsirens-blog, @vanilla-smash, @lmaosani, @onionhaseyeo, @i-dumb-bitch, @euphxriajoon, @justpeachyjoon, @dabbingangels, @h5naaa, @parkmaeri, @softescapism, @bena-baby, @myjiminmychimchim, @moments-of-melancholy, @krystle1990, @chatsgotmytongue, @vi-hoshi, @unlikelylittlemiss, @rosey-roseau, @thestrugglesofateenagedirtbag, @kookiebbyxx, @thebleuprince, @dreamer95, @jinana-iactium, @holaaaf, @small-babycat, @h0bi-c0re, @katbonv, @embrace-themagic, @jiminmochee, @fanoffandomss, @mwitsmejk, @mrsfortune1306, @raadia, @kookima, @bonesfordayss, @dinoboysindahouse, @jiminie-lovely, @queenceline22, @jikooksgirl19, @somewhereinthestarss, @kookieskiwi, @lynnfanficreblogs, @vintageroses10,

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urupotter · 4 years ago

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So while I've said before that I don't like the HP subreddit, I still frequent it because occasionally I read something insightful. This is one such case, where I read a reading of Lupin that I'd never seen before in response to a comment of mine analyzing the shrieking shack confrontation between Snape, Remus, Sirius and the golden trio, where I mentioned that Lupin was a gaslighter so I wanted to share. It was created by reddit user u/UsuallySiSometimesNo and is posted here with his permission. We had a little conversation in the comments. Read it under the cut

UsuallySiSometimesNo: That struck a cord with me, too. I didn't think about that on a conscious level before, but when I read it, it felt instantly true.

Honestly, I think the strongest examples of Lupin gaslighting are actually done to himself. The biggest, character-defining example, I think, is that after finding friendship with James, Sirius, and Peter, he becomes so desperate not to be ostracized from them (due to his issues of self-worth and his personal brand of impostor syndrome) that he deliberately and routinely feeds himself false narratives about their behavior until he can no longer tell fact from fiction, even as he's experiencing it.

Their relentless bullying of Snape? A childhood rivalry.

Their casual bullying of other students? Kids being young and stupid.

Their clear disinterest verging on contempt for Peter, someone less fortunate and vulnerable with whom they're supposed to be good friends? Just mates being mates.

Even actions taken against Lupin, himself, are revised in his memory to be 'no big deal', because he desperately needs that to be true. Let's pretend for a moment that Snape indisputably deserved to be slaughtered by a werewolf the night Sirius told him how to get past the Whomping Willow. Sirius did not send Snape to be killed by any old werewolf. What happened that night was that Sirius - one of Remus' best friends, if not his actual best friend - attempted to use Remus' curse/illness against someone (which is a big enough betrayal on it's own) without ever telling Remus that when he woke up in the morning (covered in blood and in the presence of a shredded corpse) it would be to find that he had committed the act he was most petrified he might one day commit. In setting Snape up to be killed by Lupin, Sirius, at the very least, risked Lupin's sanity, and, at the very most, risked Lupin being sentenced to death.

Now, I understand that Sirius wasn't thinking about all of that when he did what he did, and I, as a someone removed from the situation (and armed with the additional character/situational knowledge granted to a reader) can even understand why Sirius' own trauma led him to grant such a blind death sentence to Snape (which I think is related to a point you made elsewhere, u/Adventure_Time_Snail, about Sirius' "violence towards those who trigger his fundamental fear of wizard fascists" because of his abusive upbringing). But Lupin's perspective is not one of an unbiased observer. And once James found out what was happening and pulled Snape back before it was too late (which, I would think, was more to save Lupin than to save Snape) and once Remus awoke the next to day to discover everything that transpired the night before, I find it hard to believe there wasn't at least some conversation about the true gravity of the situation. And yet, even all these years later, Lupin doesn't bat an eye when Sirius not only doesn't display shame when the event is mentioned in POA, but offers something akin to regret, NOT at the fact that his actions could have gotten Lupin killed, but that that they DIDN'T get Snape killed: "It served him right...", he sneered. etc. etc.

I think the obvious question here, is 'Even disregarding what Sirius did to Snape - how can Lupin be okay with the knowledge that Sirius has no regret, at all, for what he did to him, even now that they're adults?' Well, we're not in Lupin's point of view in the books, which means we can't hear his internal monologue, but I think a satisfactory answer to the question is that he's done a substantial amount of internal gymnastics in order to get to a point where he doesn't see this as a big deal, or even as something that he has a right to be upset about.... just like a gaslighter does to their victim.

Again, because we're not in Lupin's POV, we can't point to the exact instances that such internal gaslighting took place, but, based on what we do observe from Harry's POV (and based on external knowledge of gaslighting as a true-to-life concept) I wouldn't be surprised if Lupin so desperately needs everything to be okay that he derides himself for feeling bad or betrayed, that he calls himself stupid for thinking terrible things that have happened to him are a big deal, that he wars with himself about how people who are his friends and who are so good to him and who are better friends than he thinks he deserves could possibly do something to harm him/others, and that he beats down whatever emotions and senses and gut feelings he has that tells him something his friends have done might be very wrong. What we see in the books is a man who makes excuses for his friends and harbors a warped perception of reality in much the same way victims of gaslighting do, and he seems to exploit his own insecurities in order to instill doubt in his own experiences in much the same way perpetrators of gaslighting do.

I can't help but think that, by the time Lupin tells Harry that Snape harbors a particularly strong hatred for James because James was a better Quidditch player, Lupin has become so adept at gaslighting himself that he actually believes it.

tl;dr: One of Lupin's defining characteristics is that he gaslights himself out of a desperate need to be liked by others, since he has a difficult time liking himself and seems to believe all of his relationships are incredibly fragile.

Urupotter:

This is a fascinating reading on Lupin that I've never seen. I don't read him the same way, in that I think Lupin actually does know that what he's doing is wrong, he just doesn't have the moral courage to act on his conscience. (I view him as the anti Snape, great conscience, but abysmal moral courage, while Snape had unbelievable moral courage but a shitty conscience. Their arcs are about growing their moral courage and their conscience respectively) Realizing that his negligence almost got Harry killed is what triggers his arc, concluding when he goes back to Tonks and Teddy after running away, taking responsibility for his actions for the first time.

But this reading is so interesting that I'll have to reflect on it. Do you mind if I post it on my Harry Potter tumblr blog? I'll credit you of course, I would just like to discuss it with my followers. Of course if you don't want to I won't.

UsuallySiSometimesNo:

Honestly, I think the lack of in-depth conversation about Remus Lupin (at least compared to fan favorites Sirius Black and Severus Snape) is a missed opportunity and a shame. Don't get me wrong, I can discuss Sirius and Snape until blue in the face, but Lupin's arc is just as powerful in an understated (and often underestimated) way. The muddy, oversimplified truth is, without the fatal-flaw decision making of all four Marauders throughout their lives, the series of events proceeding the first chapter of the first book don't happen, and the story we all know and love never comes to be.

And speaking of sparking a discussion about Lupin...

I think Lupin actually does know that what he's doing is wrong, he just doesn't have the moral courage to act on his conscience.

You know what? I agree. And that's what makes him so interesting, I think. He is constantly and dependably full to bursting with internal conflict. When his friends are wrong/do something wrong/say something wrong, he can and does immediately identify the situation as wrong. When he does something wrong, or when he does nothing in the face of something wrong, in that moment I believe he knows the full weight of the situation. Like you said, he has a strong conscience, as well as a deeper, perhaps more nuanced understanding of right and wrong than do, for example, James and Sirius. Now, Lupin needs his friends. They're not just people to hang out with, they're a lifeline for him. He's not going to engage in conflict with them if there is even the slightest chance that he might lose them (for a variety of reasons, he lacks, as you said, the moral courage to do so). But he's also a generally decent human being, and with a strong conscience comes the capacity for sincere guilt and remorse. So, not only will he not confront his friends, he needs it to be okay that he doesn't confront them. And it's at that point that I think the self gaslighting is triggered.

But Lupin is intelligent and nobody's fool, so the gaslighting creates only a thin layer of ice over the problem. Just enough of a cover that he can live with the things he would otherwise deeply regret. I do think he believes the alternative reality he makes for himself to be accurate as long as it isn't really challenged. Crack the ice, though, and we see him express remorse and reveal an underlying awareness of past and present truths. But then the moment is over, and the war between the uncomfortably and full weight of the truth and his need for the companionship of his friends returns, and then the gaslighting begins again, allowing him an easier return to his closest friends (and eventually his closest friend, singular, after the others have been taken from him as was his fear all along) without conflict and with minimal strain on his conscience.

Once Sirius, the last of his original chosen family is gone - truly gone, as opposed to 'located elsewhere' as he was when in prison - following OOtP, suddenly Lupin's arc takes off at a greater speed than at any point prior. He's now literally lost all of the people he'd been terrified of figuratively losing. Although there are still people and things he cares about, he isn't as dependent on any of them as he was on those foundational friendships, and the finality of their absence allows him to finally grow beyond his stifling cycle of reality shifting, confront the truths of his reality and his circumstances, and, as you said, finally take responsibility by returning to Tonks and Teddy - a decision that, ultimately, triggers his death (I don't mean to imply that it was a bad decision or that it's the sole cause of his death, but Rowling has said that being 'out of practice' contributed to his loss at the Battle of Hogwarts, which makes for a fantastic tragedy).

I don't mean to overstate the importance of this theory or imply that it's always present when he's on-stage, and, as with anyone, many other elements, of course, factor into his actions/words/motives. But I think it's a fascinating potential component of his character all the same. If you have more thoughts on this, I love to hear them - and I look forward to reading the discussion on your blog!

So what do you think? Is this a valid reading of Lupin? I'd say it is, but I'm interested in reading my followers thoughts!

#remus lupin #lupin #severus snape #sirius black #moony #padfoot #the marauders #marauders #harry potter #hp #mwpp

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onigiri-dorkk · 3 years ago

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Y’all I think about RivaMika so often

I was a huge Petra x Levi fan for god knows how long, and used to be so distraught about how she was dead and gone. I’ve always loved Mikasa and Levi separately, and always has this lingering thought that they’d be pretty foineeee together but I never fully understood where Isa was going with the Ackerman clan connection (so to be safe, I disregarded any positive feelings I had about them as a ship).

It wasn’t until the last chapters, which revealed Levi and Mikasa to be alive and well after the war, and after defeating and killing E together in the end, and after a whole time skip where Mikasa is a grown ass woman and Levi is a grown as man that I was like… wait… hold up? You’re telling me they’re both alive and well? And both of them can finally live normal lives post-war? And they’ve gone through the world and back? These two people, who deserve all the damn happiness in the world??

And that’s when it clicked for me, all the reasons why I love RivaMika now, and the potential it had all along. Their dynamic and their will to literally fight for those they love. Both being seen as humanity’s strongest, meaning they both understand each others strength in ways no one else can. They never worried about the other keeping up with them because they both were so equally with each other. Mikasa stuck by his side through all their missions together, even when the others started to doubting his character and leadership. And he never once doubted Mikasa. In fact, she has always seemed special to him; he always had a natural soft spot for Mikasa and what she thinks. Everyone sees Mikasa for her combat skills but he was one of the only characters who really tried to listen to her words/reactions/emotions. For gods sake, Mikasa is the only woman comrade of Levi’s who stayed alive with him through all his battles; and there were many battles. He’s treated her like an equal from the beginning, and they’ve always had a mutual respect and implied admiration of each other. There was nothing ever established that Levi and Mikasa were closely related at all; in fact there were more clarifications by Isa that they were not!

Then I got deeper in the damn rabbit hole of potential for RivaMika. All of their parallels. The “I’m with you” to “Stay with me.” The side glances at each other and the personalities that create the best tensions and attractions.

Mikasa being obsessed with E, then having to kill him in the end; literally having to let go of her love for E that was never healthy for her. She can now move on and find a love that is healthy, with a partner who loves and respects her and treats her exactly how she deserves to be treated by someone she can grow to love, but also someone challenges her to be exactly who she is and more. Someone who sees her strengths and is never afraid of it, but wants to fan the flame. Levi is exactly that for her, romantic or not. That man values her not just a few levels better than E did, but in a whole other way that is by nature good.

Then Levi. Oh, Levi. The man who has been through hell and back, and has lost so many loved ones on the way. He has given so much of himself for the sake of others, for the sake of humanity, and has seen so many people give up their lives along the way. This man is hurt and tortured, but he still fights for the future. Battle after battle after battle, so many people are gone — but then Mikasa, sweet beautiful Mikasa, is there with him in the end. In the final battle she tended to him while he was hurt, she saved him, and she fought alongside him — just the two of them — to finally finally finally claim victory for what he had been fighting for all this time. And she does it. And because she does, now they can rest. For once in his life, he didn’t have to be the one delivering the final blow. And oh my GOD, the glimmer in his eyes returning when Mikasa told him to help her win, after he lost all his purpose after he killed Zeke. He must’ve thought Mikasa was fucking amazing.

Then the time skip. Levi is able to have a home and all the damn tea he can possibly want. Mikasa is also able to have a home and live a life of peace. Both have been through so much together, and they are the only ones left who survived the battle, and survived together. They are old comrades, but more importantly, permanent friends. And as friends they are bound to see each other again. And that thought of them being able to see each other again and again and again, and bloom a stronger bond in the context of a peaceful life ahead, was really what solidified RivaMika as my all time OTP. This man who gave up so much of himself for others, can now start thinking of himself and what he wants, and who he wants to share a future with. And this woman, who gave up so much of herself for the people she loved, can also start thinking of herself and what she wants, and who she wants to spend her future years with.

…I’m just emotional right now, smh. They deserved better. Y’all can’t tell me J*an’s dynamic with Mikasa was stronger than this; I love J*an but there is absolutely no competition when it comes to who has and who will treat Mikasa the best. I also freaking think Isa was planning on RivaMika to be end game but didn’t want his misunderstanding audience to be mad lol. I have all the feelings rn. I love RM so much. I’ve never felt this strongly about a non-canon OR canon ship ever in my life

#rivamika #levimika #levi x mikasa #mikasa x levi

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laufeyamp · 3 years ago

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Happily Ever After [Bonus]

SUMMARY. ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ- An unexpected guest arrives right after your perfect illusion falls apart. [ORIGINAL ONESHOT]

PAIRING. loki x mom!reader WORD COUNT. 0.712k

THIS WORK CONTAINS angst

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"Such a beautiful end you've rewritten for yourself,” he spoke, not even letting you have a moment to breathe, to gather your shattered shards and put them back together in a piece, for what you’re about to deal with. The minute hand never waits, his time wasn’t just gold, but also the safety of every living thing in the universe. “The illusion projected seems just as real. How long have you been learning it?" he stepped out of the dark gracefully, his voice growing a little louder. And your uninvited friend here, knows the truth better than anyone else in this universe. At least that’s what you assume since he’s a timekeeper, one of the best sorcerers you had unexpectedly managed to be acquaintances with during the battle on Titan. He’s a great, countable ally to fight side by side with, if you’d asked me. Before any words could form from your lips, you noticed a piece of tissue in front of you, floating in thin air. It must have been his doing. “Months,” you sniffled, blinking back the tears which flooded your eyes, wiping away tears that rolled down your cheeks with the tissue he offered in the air before turning around to meet your one and only friend who’s still around- face to face. That’s when the sorcerer noticed how drained you are from all of the emotions, cruel torments of your twisted mind, who just couldn’t accept the truth that he’s gone, forever. However, above all those pain and tears, there was still a strong part of rationality and morality in you, the only thing keeping you from making any horrible mistakes you'll most probably regret in the future. "Don't you think it's time for you to move on?" he blurted out, unwilling to see his great friend dwell any deeper in denial. He didn’t make a move, keeping a respectful distance between the both of you. He wasn’t that touchy-feely type of man who would lend you a shoulder to cry on or provide you any form of physical affection to comfort you as a friend. A piece of tissue was the best he could offer, which you were quite grateful of. “I'm not the one creating a whole new reality, bringing my robot-husband back to life and having two children with him,” you shot back, referring to Wanda as the used tissue vanished with a wave of your hand, leaving emerald green sparkles in the air. “At the same time, holding hostage of the entire town, stealing people's free will and freedom." "You didn't,” he spoke, never taking his eyes off of you. “But as a friend, a companion of yours...” You stopped your steps which were leading you to another room, your ears perking up as soon as the word “friend” and “companion” passed his lips. Well, this seemingly emotionless sorcerer had already taken you as a friend after all. “... I'd love to watch you joyful and accept the tough reality." “Enough!” you scowled, whipping around only to meet his calm, unbothered expression as the empty glass knocked off of the kitchen counter from your magic, shattering into shards. Besides Loki, Strange was the closest person you could ever get. He knows and he has witnessed what exactly you are, what you’re capable of, and how far your emotions, the source of your power, drive you. "You must know that I didn't come to provoke you." "Then what do you want from me? I've signed papers with S.H.I.E.L.D., followed every rule listed in the contract given,” you inched closer and closer to him, your jaw clenched through gritted teeth, the wrath within you which you were trying so hard to extinguish was ready to kill you with it’s flames. “I isolated myself here, on Vanaheim, and I'm certain that I am no longer a threat to anyone. And as in return, your save-Earth missions are no longer in my concern or my responsibility either." "We need you,” he paused for a moment, rephrasing his words. “I need you.” “It's not just about Earth, y/n. It's the universe, countless universes." You tilted your head a little, puzzled by what he meant. "Care to explain?" "Someone freed the Sacred Timeline, we're about to have a multiversal war."

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SYD .ೃ࿐ Reblogs and interactions are greatly appreciated, thank you for reading.

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im-whatchamccallit · 4 years ago

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Crushcrushcrush//Kim Hongjoong (ATEEZ)

Request: Hi i was wondering if you could do a soulmate werewolf hongjoong x human female reader angst and fluff like she over hears hongjoong saying something and she gets sad and shy and worried and stuff.....

Pairing: Kim Hongjoong x Fem!Reader

Genre: Angst with fluff at the end, Werewolf!AU, Soulmate!AU, a bit of College!AU

Warnings: Hongjoong’s kind of a dick with irrational thinking, cussing I guess

Word Count: 7.2k

(A/N: Lets just pretend I didn’t disappear for 6 whole months, but i am back and my medication is no longer giving me the big sad so I’m a little more motivated to write.This isn’t the best work I’ve done, this is actually idea 10 for this prompt and idk if it’s executed properly but Imma keep trying and hopefully, to keep from falling back into a slump, I’ll start a new series so I have a regular scheduled fic for everyone. Also, I think I botched expressing the AUS here but just let me know what you think. Sorry for always disappearing, I can’t promise I won’t go off the grid again but I’ll try harder to be active in anyway)

Your mother always said crushes stayed crushes for a reason: they hurt. Bad. But you thought she was wrong, that your feelings for someone could one day be reciprocated later if not sooner, and that’s what led you to him. Kim Hongjoong. The day you met was a complete accident, your body slamming into his as you wandered aimlessly during your freshman year of high school. He was gorgeous with wide brown eyes, beautiful pink lips and cheeks, his hair styled differently from the other boys to reveal his forehead, showing his individuality. He was perfection.

“I’m so sorry. Are you alright?” Those were the first words he spoke to you, his voice so gentle, so sweet. And the way he reached out to help you with no hesitation, holding your hands as he pulled you up effortlessly.

It was love at first sight, all until he looked down to your hands, eyes catching a glimpse of your wrist, a row of zeros peeking through the sleeve of your uniform jacket. He slowly pushed the fabric up, both your eyes widening to see your soulmate clock had finally timed out, his hands releasing yours to check his own wrist, a quiver to his lips as his clock matched yours, his once soft eyes now hard as he stared you down.

“Stay far away from me.” He warned, not saying another word as he headed to his homeroom, your body frozen as you watched him disappear. He was so harsh, yet you liked him. Maybe suddenly finding his soulmate scared him, but it was no problem to you! You were bound to end up together so you played the waiting game with him, being the perfect soulmate you could possibly be whether he accepted it or not.

And that led you here, now seniors in college and still acting the way you were when you met. Hongjoong was still cold, treating you like some plague while you could only smile along. You weren’t sure how you missed the fact you lived in a predominantly werewolf area until a public service announcement came on your television one night to remind humans to stay indoors during the full moon, that night dedicated to werewolves being as free as they could be, but it made you even more hopeful when you were on your way home from work one night, taking a shortcut through the woods since it lead right to your backyard.

You were 16 at the time, so the sight of a shirtless person would obviously make you flustered, but a shirtless Hongjoong? Enough to cause a nosebleed. He was 16 as well, the exact age a werewolf develops a mate bond and, seeing as you’ve already been confirmed as soulmates in the human world, the sudden desire to latch onto you and never let you go once you locked eyes only made your lifelong attachment more real, and he was freaking out. He didn’t speak, opting to shift without removing the remainder of his clothes, your eyes wide as he moved deeper through the thick trees and towards the horizon where the orange sky was in full view and, the grin on your face just couldn’t stop growing. You knew werewolves had a stronger drive to their mates, so the idea that he could avoid you forever was laughable. Sure, you were both 23 and he has uped his disdain for you from staying silent to calling you any vile name he could think of, but it was only a matter of time before he came around. You just knew it.

“(Y/n), stop gawking.” Miyeon joked, poking your side to snap you from your daydreams, your eyes widening when you noticed a few of Hongjoong’s friend’s catching your gaze, a blush painting your face as you turned away.

“I wasn’t gawking, just making sure their table was okay. I am their waitress tonight.”

“And every other night because you said, and I quote, ‘I wanna work at any table my Joongie’s going to be at!’” She mocked, your eyes rolling as you looked back towards them.

You took a job at a diner just a few blocks from both your apartment and college campus, the pay great and the distance convenient. It was the only time you had to yourself instead of lingering to Hongjoong, figuring out his classes and breaks to give him snacks and lunches you’d personally make for him since you overheard him complain about the campus food before, only to be told they tasted like shit and he’d find his own food. It was a bit of a kick to the face to hear that, but you had one saving grace: his pack. The first time Hongjoong sent you away with a bitter remark, they were curious about you, tracking you down when they weren’t with their alpha to get more info on who you were and what you found so loveable about the man treating you like some demon. They were surprised by how sweet you were and how accepting you were to be the unwanted luna of an eight-wolf pack. They could never hate Hongjoong but they sure as hell loved you just a little more than him. Unbeknownst to both of you, Yunho and Mingi found out where you worked, making a plan with the others to take Hongjoong there as much as possible so he would have no choice but to interact with you, even if he stayed silent to not appear like an asshole in front of the various strangers dining as well. Hongjoong would honestly never return if he had the choice, but something about the restaurant’s signature burger kept bringing him back, which is why he was here, sipping his soda angrily as he waited on his meal that would be served by his worst nightmare, you.

“I don’t know why you don’t just find someone else. Isn’t it easy for humans to reject soulmates? You could move on with no problems.” She said, helping you grasp onto the steel tray covered in various meals, a huff leaving you as you put on a bright smile.

“Because I know it’s harder to move on for wolves. You guys don’t have a choice on who your mates are, and you just accept it once you meet them. I know Hongjoong will accept me eventually, it’s just gonna take some time.” You gave one more smile before wobbling towards the table in question.

Hongjoong tried not to follow the gaze of his pack as they watched you happily approach them, letting out a huff as you adjusted the tray onto your shoulder, grasping the plates and placing them in front of the respective person, Hongjoong’s nose twitching at the smell of his burgers and fries, not wasting anytime to dig in as the other’s thanked you, but you shyly looked at the male before you, the tray pressed to your chest as you tried to find a casual way to speak with him.

“I-uh- I-I remembered last time you asked for extra cheese, so I decided to put cheese in the burger too! I hope you like it better than the tofu stew I made you for lunch the other week.”

“I didn’t ask for extra cheese this time, so why put it inside my burger where I can’t take it off?” He said spitefully, mouth still full as he set the half-eaten burger down.

Your smile faltered but bounced back as you reached towards his plate.

“O-oh! Well, I can take it back and make you another! This time I ca-“

“’This time’? You should’ve just done it from the start. Your job is to listen and do what you’re told and you can’t even do that? What can you do right?”

You swallowed hard, your eyes wandering to the people now staring at you as the scene unfolded, your heartbeat ringing in your ears as you tried to hold it together. The worst he’s called you in an idiot and that was usually under his breath, so to practically say it out loud, in front of strangers while you were in the middle of a shift and forced to do nothing but smile like you usually would, felt like you were being stabbed and burned simultaneously. You couldn’t keep smiling, looking down as you tried to apologize, only for him to cut you off once again.

“Go bother someone else. Or hide in the back if you’re just gonna keep fucking up this much.”

The space was eerily silent, even with the soft music playing, your eyes not leaving your shoes as you shuffled away. It was a pitiful sight, Seonghwa releasing a breath he didn’t realize he was holding as you went to a neighboring table to retrieve plates and glasses left by a couple from before. He was ready to tear Hongjoong’s head off, not as a gamma to an alpha but as one friend to another, his jaw tight as he prepared to berate him the way he did you but, somehow, Wooyoung beat him by asking a question none of them thought to ask before.

“What did she ever do to you that you have to treat her like that?”

There was a strange but tense silence as they awaited his answer, watching him taking small bites of his fries as he stared ahead at nothing before turning to them with what could only be described as a sadistic smirk.

“Imagine being 13 and finding out the best years of your life, the years of dating, hooking up, just discovering who you are, are gone because your mate decides to show up and take that from you.”

“Are you fucking stupid? That’s the reason we have mates, so we can do those things with one person instead of random people!” Seonghwa nearly yelled, trying to keep his voice low as to not alarm anymore spectators again.

“For the past 7 years, I’ve been trying to get her to leave or just reject me, but it’s clear to me now that she’s just an idiot that doesn’t understand she’s not needed, by me or anyone. And, if you’re as dumb as her, I’ll simplify it for you: she’s unwanted.”

Whatever pain you felt before suddenly disappeared into a numbness you couldn’t explain. He knew you were there, that you could hear him, that you would hear him, and yet he still said it. You were conflicted and sad, your lips curling in a mixture of disgust and anger before settling on a bright smile. Never mind the fact your tears finally spilled over, that your heart ached with every beat and your body felt heavy with the weight of being rejected by someone you waited so long for, you just had to smile. Soulmates were supposed to be a sure thing, supposed to be your happily ever after, yet it just turned out to be a crush, one that you should’ve let die the day you met him.

“(Y/n/n)…” Miyeon spoke cautiously as you made your way towards the bar, your other coworkers watching from beside her as if you were some strange spectacle.

“We have to start cleaning, y’know? It’ll help us get out of here a lot faster tonight.” You said in your usual cheerful tone, tears still flowing and a faint crack to your voice.

“How about you just head home for the day, (Y/n)? We can handle everything from here.” Your manager said, her eyes scanning your face as you moved past them and to the kitchen, their bodies following instinctively.

“What? No! I’m fine! We still have 4 more hours to go and I think if I get a head start with the chefs for tomorrow lunch specials I ca-“

“(Y/n), please-“

“I’m fine, Miyeon! Really! It’s not like I got broken up with or anything, I never even had a boyfriend! Just a crush on someone that thinks I’m a waste of space! Isn’t that super ironic? Spending most of your life chasing after someone that wants nothing to do with you? That’s really funny, right?” You choked out, lips pursing into a thin line to keep in your sobs but your attempts were futile, everything slowly starting to hit you at once until your body collapsed, one of the other servers catching you before you hit the ground.

It was all a blur from there, the words of comfort everyone offered turning into muffled noise as your cries of agony came out freely, the way Miyeon dragged you from the emergency exit at the back of the building and to her car to take you home, and even when you crawled into bed and managed to sleep despite the pounding headache. 7 years came and went and there was nothing to show for it. No soulmate, no boyfriend, no romance, not even a friendship. You were empty and for some reason the only thing filling your heart and mind was the person who broke you.

It felt like time stood still yet hours had passed, Hongjoong back in his own bedroom pressing away at his keyboard, stopping occasionally to write a few notes down from his new composition, but he wasn’t distracted enough to hear his door open, various footsteps entering and even a few bodies settling in on his bed, his eyes not bothering to leave his notebook as he figured this moment would come.

“You don’t need to lecture me.” He grumbled, going back to play a few more notes only to find his keyboard unplugged, Mingi tossing the cord away as his alpha stared him down.

“It’s only a lecture if you listen and learn, which you won’t, so we’re gonna make you feel as bad as possible for driving away the only person that gave a shit about you.” San said with a bright smile, a scoff leaving Hongjoong as he finally turned in his chair to face them, eyes scanning the room to see this situation wasn’t playful but truly hostile, almost like an ambush.

“So, you guys don’t care about me?”

“Trying to get you to accept your soulmate so you don’t die shows we care a lot more than we should.” Yeosang spoke, making himself comfortable as he sat against the pillow and headboard.

“But we’re the real assholes for trying to force her with someone as shitty as you.” Seonghwa finally said, Hongjoong’s head snapping in his direction as he let out a dry chuckle, shifting in his seat so he was leaning backwards, arms crossed as he told himself to stay calm during his friend’s potential tantrum.

“I feel like you have the most to say since you’ve been in love with my mate the longest, so go ahead, tell me how I’m such a bad man, Seonghwa. I’m all ears.” His smugness made the tension worse, Seonghwa stepping closer with clenched fist.

“I’m not in love with you mate, but if I didn’t know someone was waiting for me because we were fated to be together, maybe I would have asked (Y/n) out, because she deserves better than a lowlife with the brain function of a dead goldfish. But I respect her too much as your mate and my luna to not push those boundaries so I tried to help her get closer to you because I know you, Hongjoong. You’re not an asshole or a jerk, but to her? You treat her like shit, when really you’d have no one without her. You’re a short, scrawny, nerdy moron that locks himself in a dark room for days on end just to complete a single project, then emerge to eat cold pizza and watch Despicable Me because your pea-sized brain can’t comprehend anything that isn’t brightly colored animation. If you take away your alpha status, no girl would even look in your direction but you have someone literally at your side, the only human not afraid of you, trying to figure out everything there is to know about you, yet you can’t give her the time of day. You probably don’t even know a damn thing about her.”

“Unfortunately, I know more than enough about her.” Hongjoong spoke, all amusement gone as he glared at the older male, their mindlink clogged with threatening growls and barks, trying to keep their fight from getting physical.

That first sentence alone made Hongjoong’s blood boil, his face contorted in a mixture of pain and disgust. How could Seonghwa even say that to him, plotting to steal his mate all because he was a bit uncertain? That all it was, uncertainty! He didn’t hate you, or wish you weren’t around, he actually grew to anticipate and enjoy your ramblings about your day or whatever new thing caught your attention, he actually even loved the lunches that you’d make for him. He couldn’t help that over the years he grew to crave you more, but the thought of fully accepting you and solidifying that the best years of his life were about to be gone, restricted to one person forever before he could even determine for himself his likes and dislikes, what he considered real love rather than what fate wanted him to feel, was terrifying. So he distanced himself from you, spending the years watching you from afar in hopes that if he didn’t get too close he wouldn’t lose his free will completely.

But it was a bad habit that seeped into your college years, everyone assuming he cared so little for you when he knew everything there was to know. He knew where you worked before any of the boys did, where your apartment was, the fact you were a business major planning to open a bakery once you graduated, he knew you didn’t have classes on Fridays but always came back on campus because you prepared meals for the men’s and women’s wrestling team which is where Jongho first met you, he knew you hated mint chocolate chip ice cream just like him but loved chocolate ice cream with mint chips, he knew you were always cold but overheat at night and wake up at exactly 3am to change into shorts and a tank top to be more comfortable, he knew about the birthmark on your lower back and a scar on your hip from a cat scra-

“Holy shit, you’re insane.” Wooyoung breathed out, Hongjoong’s eyes focusing on the room in front of him, a mixture of shocked expressions and amused ones filling his vision.

“I liked it better when we thought you hated her but, hyung, you’ve been stalking her since your freshman year of high school?” Jongho asked cautiously.

It was a weird feeling bubbling inside Hongjoong, the primary one being embarrassment. He knew he’d sometimes unintentionally rant in their mindlink whenever he was upset but to make an almost decade long secret public to his pack, revealing the intimate details of how you slowly but surely ingrained yourself into not only his brain but his life until he felt like he was going crazy? It made him tear up, his face burn with a blush as he was finally forced to face the truth. He pushed you away but wanted you more than anything. He wanted to spend his years free to explore before finally settling down only to reject every girl that came close to him simply because they weren’t you, and he took that anger out on you. What was he so mad about? The fact you stood by his side with a smile happily accepting him while he tried and failed to lust after other women? Was he that pathetic? He could admit now that he was and, if he could turn back time, he would’ve introduced himself and walked you to class. Just the first step of fully accepting you.

“You’re still ranting in the mindlink, you know?” Seonghwa said softly, regaining the once again lost focus of his alpha who was too consumed in his own pity to notice the tension died down, their gazes soft as they tried to sympathize with their leader.

“Sorry. I wish none of you heard that stuff.” He admitted, sniffling as he realized he’d been crying, hand hurriedly wiping away tears from his cheeks.

“Well, it’s a good thing we did. We still think you’re a moron, but at least we know you’re feeling guilty about all of this.”

“Don’t worry, Joong, if you know (Y/n) like we do, she always sees the best in people, so she’ll forgive you. But you still have to apologize.” San followed up Mingi’s words, wrapping an arm around Hongjoong shoulders while giving a bright smile in response to his weak one.

“She’s my TA in Calc 3 and I have that class around noon tomorrow. She always stays after in case anyone has questions, so I can stall until you get there.” Yunho offered, Hongjoong feeling a slight warmth in his chest thinking about it all. He’d let go of his insecurities, fix everything he’s done wrong, and finally have you as his. Tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough.

And tomorrow did come, but you were nowhere to be found. When Hongjoong arrived to Yunho’s class, he was met with a sympathetic apology on the account that you didn’t show up that day, you weren’t even at any of your other classes. The boys even tried to find you at work only to be met with a mob of your pissed coworkers led by Miyeon, threatening to rip their heads off if she saw their faces again. And that lasted for nearly 3 days, Hongjoong’s hope slowly dwindling away until he noticed two figures sneakily meeting halfway at the school’s entrance to exchange a large white cooler.

He recognized those bulky arms anywhere, and the thick Aussie accent was a dead giveaway as well, especially when it was followed by a distinct giggle. There was no mistaking it was Chan, but he could barely see the person with him, their voice low as they spoke to him and face hidden beneath a hood, but the scent emitting from them was strong, and beautiful, his eyes widening as he finally took it all in. You looked different, wearing a dark grey matching sweat suit which was a complete 180 from your usual attire, and you smelled faintly of passionfruit, possibly a change to your normal shampoo in an attempt to disguise yourself, but that thought only made his heart hurt more. Were you intentionally avoiding him? He could understand you hating him now but you were even ignoring the others in his pack, going from friends to complete strangers in a matter of hours and leaving them all devastated. He was going to fix this, here and now, if not for him and you than for his friends.

“Jongho’s been pretty upset about you not responding to his text. It’d really help if you stopped by to at least let him know you’re okay.” Chan pleaded, giving you a dimpled smile and hopeful gaze that made it impossible for you to hide your blushing face and grin.

“I just need a little more time, Chris. It’s like if you broke up with your mate and all the friends you made through her left you too. Except it’s me being broken up with by someone who was never my boyfriend and his friends came to me instead of me going to them. But, still, it hurts all the same.” You laughed slightly, trying to find some humor in the situation.

“You’re the only person that still calls me Chris.” He commented, trying to redirect the conversation as you clearly weren’t fine, neither of you noticing the burning glare just a few meters away.

“I just think it fits you best.” You admitted, neither of you breaking eye contact until you gasped, staring down to the box of food and drinks you bought.

“You should hurry to practice. You need to eat beforehand otherwise you’ll be weak after warmups alone. And I worked hard making those sandwiches and cutting that fruit, if it goes bad because you stayed here to cheer me up, I’ll really be mad.” You tried to put on your best scowl, your scolding undermined by his amused laughter.

“Alright, fine. Just stay safe, please?” You nodded, waving as you watched him turn to head to the school’s gymnasium, missing the way Chan glared at Hongjoong as he continued forward. Chan and Hongjoong’s packs were close, family almost, so the news of what Hongjoong did and why reached them in no time, and Chan was hoping today things would be fixed soon because, apart from you being the wrestling team’s beloved personal chef, you were like a sister to him.

You wasted no time leaving the campus behind, ready to go back into the darkness of your bedroom to forget you existed. You really wish you could disappear, that the ground would split beneath you and swallow you whole, but you couldn’t just leave when your phone was filled with calls and messages from friends and coworkers wondering where you were and if you were fine. So many people cared, what kind of person would you be to leave them all alone like this, especially when all they wanted was to help you? But being alone helped, trying to live life as normal as possible while adjusting to a Hongjoong-free lifestyle helped. It would take some time, but you’d find your normal someday. All you had to do was avoid-

“(Y/n)!” Your body froze.

He rarely called you by your name but his voice was distinct on its own, and it was the most sickly sweet thing you’ve ever heard. You wanted to run, to never have him see you like this. Dear god, how did you even look right now? You felt like shit, you probably looked the part. Dammit, Hongjoong was right all along, you were shit. You were worse than shit, you were just pathetic. A pathetic, lovestruck loser itching to just turn and say hi, to have the conversation you always dreamed of but you knew that wouldn’t happen. He’ll yell at you again. He’ll-

“(Y/n)? H-hi…” Hongjoong said shyly, standing right in front of you as you shrank into yourself.

His brows furrowed as you looked away, mentally arguing with yourself as you went over the days of self-reflecting you did, trying to find some lesson from your solitude to aid in this situation and it was starting to scare him. You were never quiet with him, you always had something to say even if it wasn’t important but, luckily, he had something important to say and hopefully you’d listen.

“I- T-the other day…. I w-was…. I-I’m sorry.” He stammered out, this confession a lot harder than he thought, especially now that you were facing him, eyes just as innocent as the day he met you, but he couldn’t run away this time.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, honestly. Everyone told me I was an idiot and I think they’re right. I treated you like you were garbage for years, all because I didn’t want to be mated so young. I just wanted to date around before I finally settled down with someone and, m-maybe I could’ve just said that, so you didn’t have to wait around for me all these years but, I never hated you, and I can’t hate you. I know you won’t forgive me right away but I think it’s only fair that I can be a good mate to you now.”

He swallowed hard, trying to suppress the desperate ‘please’ he wanted to add as your pupils began to shake, almost as if you were a machine malfunctioning, none of your self-reflecting preparing you for this moment, the only thing coming to mind being some sad blog article you found during your second day of isolation. ‘Forgiving and forgetting too soon is dangerous. Find yourself’. It wasn’t what you wanted but maybe what you need, what he needed. So, without hesitation, you smiled brightly at him although it never reached your eyes, clearing your throat as you tried to keep your voice steady.

“Hongjoong, I can’t forgive you easily. I waited for you, I tried to make you accept me and it always ended up with me getting hurt. Honestly, if I just treated you like a regular crush, maybe we could’ve forgotten we’re meant to be together until after graduation or something.” You laughed awkwardly, wanting to look away as his eyes softened in the saddest way, but you needed to do this, eyes locked on his as you exhaled through your nose.

“I couldn’t be by your side all the time, so whether you dated anyone is still a mystery to me but, I’ve been alone for seven years hoping you’d come around, and I think it’s time I take those years back. I’m not sure if what you said counted as a rejection or if we’re still mates but, if we are, we’ll come back to each other eventually. For now, I just need some time.”

You managed to walk past him without completely collapsing in tears, speed walking back to your apartment as you tried to swallow sobs, not even taking in the way Hongjoong stumbled to follow you, almost like a zombie as he attempted to plead for you to reconsider, to force himself to accept your decision but ask how long you needed, but he couldn’t do that. He tried to picture himself in your shoes, seven years of pining only to be publicly humiliated by the person you were meant to spend the rest of your life with. He couldn’t blame you for not forgiving him, and he sure as hell couldn’t force you, so he let you go, trudging in the opposite direction to his two story apartment just to hide in his bedroom until he didn’t feel like dying anymore.

But as more days passed and it only got harder for Hongjoong. He barely left his room but also never slept, every song he created was played in minor scales to fit his now melancholy life. The charisma he typically exuded was hidden with puffy red eyes from crying and a yellow knit sweater a few sizes too large for his body but it was the only thing that comforted him at this point, especially when knowing you had reconnected with everyone but him.

After exactly one week of distancing yourself from the world, you caved and meet with the boys individually (sans Hongjoong), apologizing for needing space although they completely understood, but the way each interaction ended made your guts churn with guilt. ‘Stay safe, luna’, that’s how all of them addressed you before they left, leaving you filled with the desire to return to how things were before. You missed your friends and, the fact your mate was finally ready to claim you, only made you want to forgive Hongjoong sooner. But you needed to be your own person for once. You had seven years worth of relationships to catch up on and you wouldn’t let them keep you from that.

Except when they did.

You should’ve known it was risky letting them know you had a date so soon, just some other human on campus that had yet found his soulmate. They sounded happy for you, Wooyoung going so far to ask where you met and where your date would be and what time, giving suggestions on what to say and wear since it was “your first”. It was a sweet gesture, and you thought nothing of it, but that information meant everything to him which led to now, the boys huddled together in their living room with a slightly paler and sickly looking Hongjoong curled into the corner of their loveseat.

“So they’re going bowling tonight at 8:30? We could ask her about it tomorrow in case she’s into him because hyung isn’t looking too great.” Yeosang commented, everyone looking to Hongjoong as he managed to drown his entire body within the sweater, only his head visible as he stared ahead like some lost puppy.

“He’s just weak from not being around her for so long, but their bond is still there so he’s fine. But we have nothing to worry about. She won’t fall in love with him so don’t get too involved, she’ll just stop talking to us again if we meddle too much.” Seonghwa warned, a chorus of ‘Okays’ confirming their dismissal as they all stood to retreat to their bedrooms.

“Wait, who is she going out with anyways? There’s only 10 other humans at that school.” Mingi’s question cause everyone to freeze, the silence in the room contrasting with the faint answer Woooyung gave in their mindlink, Hongjoong turning to look at him with hurt and pain.

“Why didn’t you say it was Yugyeom?!”

“I did! Just not to you, until now because I forgot to tune you out.” He said shyly, flinching as Hongjoong ran past him and right out their front door, none of them sure of what to do at that point.

It was such a minor yet major detail. Kim Yugyeom was admittedly the most wanted person any of them could think of. Human girls wanted him, werewolf girls wanted him, most guys couldn’t help but stare whenever he passed by. He was gorgeous with eyes that sparkled every time he smiled. He spoke about his soulmate with so much passion despite never meeting her, following his words with how he’d treat any girl before her with the same love and care. It was a pick up line meant to hook any hopelessly romantic girl in, the sweetest way to say their relationship wouldn’t last. But this was Kim Yugyeom, they knew it was only meant with good intentions, not wanting to string someone along with the false hope they’d be together forever. And that’s exactly what you needed. To explore while knowing you’d always come back to Hongjoong. But that’s not what Hongjoong wanted. He didn’t want you dating anyone else, finding temporary happiness when he was supposed to give you a lifetime of it. And humans were more flexible with their soulmates, they had the privilege to move one without the pain or withdrawals of losing their mate. Werewolves just died if they were rejected, heartbreak and loneliness consuming them, so there was no telling how your heart would react to someone exactly like you. Maybe you’ll fall in love with him. Maybe he’ll abandon his soulmate for you once he learns how amazing you are. Maybe Hongjoong would die from lack of food and sleep before he even reached your apartment, which he was still sprinting full speed towards. It was only 7:30pm, meaning he had an hour before you and Yugyeom went out, but he didn’t have a plan. He had no idea what he was doing, but he needed to stop you before you found yourself in love with someone else.

It was like some scene in a drama, Hongjoong’s chest heaving as he finally came to a stop just outside your apartment. His body felt like giving out as he climbed the two flights of stairs to your door, only to find you waving shyly to Yugyeom just as he turned away, trying not to lock eyes with Hongjoong but Hongjoong’s eyes were only trained on you, yours finding his as a panicked look crossed your face. Should you look away? Go back inside? What was he even doing there? You never told the boys your address… You gasped as he approached you, swallowing hard as you tried to remain calm, but how could you stay calm when you finally got a good look at him?

“Oh my god, are you okay?” You didn’t hesitate to ask, stepping further from your door to examine him, reaching for his face only to stumble back to your original position. You were making great progress, you can’t do that now.

“I’ve been better, but even then I wasn’t fine.” He said with a dry chuckle, your lips curling into a fake smile to not show how much his appearance affected you. He looked like he was on the brink of death. You knew wolves would get sick without their mates, but was it really killing him? Were you killing him?

“Joongi-Uhm, Hongjoong, how about you sit down? You look like you’re going to faint.” You offered, stepping back to allow him inside, watching him stumble past you and straight to your sofa as if he owned the place.

It was such an awkward moment for you, watching the poor boy curl into himself as his sweater practically became his body, a sigh leaving your lips as you shut your door. Instead of healing yourself, you had to heal him. It was oddly pitiful but your instincts screamed at you to do it.

Hongjoong shut his eyes as he eased into your sofa, feeling more comfortable than he was in his own home, even more so with your scent invading his senses, your body warmth radiating onto his as you carefully took a seat, trying to figure out what to do.

“Do you need food, or water? Or a doctor?” You asked, the giggle he let out this time weak but still enough to make your heart beat a bit faster.

“I just need you near me.” He admitted.

You let out a squeak as he shamelessly fell into your lap, head comfortably resting against your thighs as he laid face up. You couldn’t stop your hand from easing through his unnaturally colored locks, melting at how soft they were, bottom lip trapped under your teeth as you had to fight off the desire to cup his face. You’ve never gotten this close to him and he wasn’t telling you to go away, instead letting out content purrs as he nuzzled closer to you, your eyes burning with unshed tears. Why couldn’t he just want you from the start? You’d would’ve been able to hold him like this all the time, to see him happy and healthy rather than a shell of his former self. But he didn’t want you, and now he was at your apartment just to keep himself from dying. It was silly to think he cared about you as much as he did himself.

“Of course you do.” You whispered, laughing bitterly as your hand left his hair, moving to his arm to ease him back up into a sitting position.

You couldn’t get past him no matter how hard you tried, nor did you want to, but every word he said, everything he’s done, followed you like a ghost haunting some poor unsuspecting soul. Why did you have to love someone who didn’t love you the same? Why was this your life?

“Can you just hold me a little longer? P-please?” He asked with a cute whine to his voice.

You sighed and grabbed his arm, gently pulling him back into his previous position, fingers massaging his scalp as he finally opened his eyes to look at you. You were beautiful, even with the frown lines etched into your face. He wonder how long they’ve been there, especially when he’s only seen you smiling. Maybe you spent your alone time more upset than he thought. Where you upset before he came? You couldn’t be when Yugyeom was here, no one could be upset with him around. Except Hongjoong. He felt a grudge building inside him just from the mere thought of him with you. He felt like interrogating you on what he was doing here in the first place and why you gave your address out to just anyone, but it wasn’t his place to ask and probably wouldn’t be for a while, but jealousy and rage was all he felt so any reasonable thinking was thrown out the window.

“I don’t want you to see Yugyeom anymore.” He said definitely, your eyes widened as you stared at him incredulously, an amused giggle leaving your lips.

“That’s not for you to choose, Hongjoong. I told you I need time-“

“Those seven years you’ve been waiting I couldn’t be with anyone else. I always compared every girl I met to you and none of them came close to being as perfect, now I have to watch you date some dance major with pretty eyes because I was an insecure dumbass? He has a soulmate, and he’s always going to choose them no matter how much you like each other, so why not save your feelings? I’ll wait as long as you want me to, but just don’t fall in love with anyone else.”

You tried so hard to hide your smile. This wasn’t something you typically liked, possessive guys being on the list of things you found annoying, but considering it was Hongjoong, his soft eyes hard and sharp as their hue seemed to go pitch black as his words were both sweet and demanding, made you fall in love just a little more than you already were. You wanted to take this as his confession, as a truce in your previous one-sided enemyship, to tell him that you told Yugyeom you couldn’t go out with him because you could only see yourself with Hongjoong, but you needed time. Not time to date and explore the way you thought he had, but to watch him work as hard as you did to prove he was ready and willing to love you. It was a little malicious, sure, but it was all in good fun. He’d always be your mate after all.

“I don’t know, Hongjoong, you really hurt me…”

“It hurt knowing I wasn’t with you.” Your smile cracked through, causing his own to appear, your game already over.

“And how do you think I felt? You think you can make up seven years worth of waiting so easily?”

You squealed as he shot up, magically seeming more alive than when he arrived, eyes full of life and his lips and cheeks the same rosy color as when you met him, hands warm and soft as he cupped your face.

“Good thing I have forever to do it.”

The silence was comfortable but unbearable, especially as he hesitated to lean closer, your lips puckering to guide him but he didn’t seem to be catching on and, when he did, you shifted back, laughing awkwardly as you stared at one another, both of you taking a deep breath as you finally closed the gap between you, a weird electric sensation you could only dream of as your lips slowly grew accustom to one another, moving so slow yet feeling so urgent. It was all still new to the both of you, romance and dating only now becoming part of your lives, but it was exciting knowing that you had years ahead of you to perfect it, your entire lives dedicated to loving one another. And it only took a seven year crush to get you here.

#ateez imagines #ateez fluff #ateez angst #ateez reactions #ateez scenarios #kim hongjoong imagines #ateez au #kim hongjoong au #ateez werewolf au #ateez soulmate au #kim hongjoong scenarios #kim hongjoong reactions #kim hongjoong fluff #kim hongjoong angst #kim hongjoong werewolf au #kim hongjoong soulmate au #kim hongjoong fanfic #ateez fanfic #im-whatchamccallit

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baepsaesbae · 4 years ago

Text

Heal Me, Kill Me Ch.5 (Final Chapter)

Pairing— Kim Taehyung x female reader

Genre— Vampire!Taehyung x Vampire Hunter!reader, SMUT +18, angst

Warnings— Unprotected explicit sex, fingering, blood mentions, death, oral (f and m receiving), creampie, overstimulation

Word Count— 6.3k

Summary— You’re one of the best vampire hunters in the world. That’s to be expected when your parents are the best of the best. Your life had solely revolved around ruthlessly killing vampires, making you a cold blooded machine. However, things take a turn once you meet Kim Taehyung, your latest target.

A/N— Huge shoutout to @dee-ehn for this beautiful banner! Thank you to everyone who has given this series a read. It’s very special to me and it’s bittersweet that it’s now over. Please let me know what you guys think!

“Let me get this straight, the VEC HQ is completely gone? Wiped out?” you questioned as you tried to grasp the situation.

“Apparently they were hit with a massive ambush. A huge horde of vampires led under a single commander, it seemed like. I got a call during the middle of the raid. All I could hear were screams and the caller’s laugh. I was given a time and place for a meet up,” Yoongi explained further.

“Perfect, let’s go burn the sons of bitches,” Jungkook got up energetically.

“There are only four of us,” Taehyung observed with a judgmental glance towards the young man.

“There are only THREE VEC members left. The only reason you’re still alive is because ___ insisted on it. Mark my words, one slip up, and you’re dead. Got that?” Yoongi corrected him. Taehyung solemnly nodded.

“So, what do we do? HQ is gone, but surely we can contact the other agencies around the globe,” you suggested.

“Already tried that. They saved the best for last. There is no one we can ask for help,” Jungkook shook his head.

“I can go. Alone, I mean. To the rendezvous point you were given,” Taehyung offered.

“And do what? Join forces with them?” Yoongi glared.

“An attempt at diplomacy would be ideal. Should they choose violence, then so be it. If I die, I die. But at least you will be safe,” Taehyung looked at you while he said that last sentence.

“Sounds good to me--”

“Absolutely not,” you interrupted Yoongi, “If we really are the last people qualified as vampire hunters, I say we go down swinging. I can’t just sit by knowing there are murderous vampires on the loose. We all took an oath to protect mankind. I intend to keep that oath.”

Yoongi and Jungkook exchanged looks. Jungkook was all for it, eager to let out his rage. It took a bit more to convince Yoongi, but he reluctantly agreed. He really took to heart what you said about the VEC oath.

“Here are the coordinates I was given. We have three days to get there,” Yoongi brought up the site on Google Earth.

“What the hell? That looks like an abandoned castle. That’s kind of badass. Major Castlevania vibes,” Jungkook gawked as he zoomed in closer.

“I know this place,” Taehyung said quietly.

“You do?” the remaining VEC members asked in unison.

“I believe so. And if who I think is involved truly is involved...I fear we may be in deeper trouble than I thought,” he said ominously.

“Fuckin terrific,” Yoongi grumbled.

“Thank god Yoongi brought the private jet over here,” you sighed as you watched the trees below you grow smaller and smaller.

“Thank god I have the credit card for the VEC funds. I would be remiss if we lost all that money,” Yoongi called back using the intercom.

“Flying via private jet is probably one of my favorite parts of the job. Hey, you good over there, Fangs?” Jungkook coined a nickname for his new vampire acquaintance.

You looked over to see Taehyung’s face paler than usual as he tightly gripped the armrests of his seat. He slowly looked over towards the pair of you and nodded, though he was clearly lying. You couldn’t help but chuckle at him. His fear of flying was adorable, who would’ve known that an undead creature could be scared of planes?

“I’m gonna go join Yoongi in the cockpit, I love the view from there,” Jungkook said to no one in particular as he stood up once cruising altitude was reached.

You unbuckled your seat belt and went over to comfort Taehyung, who looked queasier by the minute. You handed him a bottle of water.

“Sorry, we don’t have any blood bags on the plane,” you joked.

“I appreciate the gesture, darling,” Taehyung meekly smiled.

“I didn’t know you were scared of flying,” you said with an amused grin.

“I’ve never been a fan. People traveling in the air? It’s just not natural,” Taehyung shook his head in distaste.

“I don’t think you’re one to talk about what’s natural, but I get that. I wish there was a way I could get you to unwind. We have quite a long way to go before we reach our destination,” you straddled his lap and ran your fingers through his hair, “I can get off if you feel like you need to puke,” you quickly added.

“No, I think a distraction is exactly what I need,” Taehyung’s eyes darkened as he unbuckled his seat belt and gripped your hips.

Your hips began to move on their own as they grinded against him. You could feel his clothed erection growing under you, which only spurred you on more. Taehyung leaned forward to kiss you, and accidentally bit your lip in his excitement. He quickly lapped up the small dribble of blood that surfaced, and that alone seemed to make him more ravenous. Taehyung started to guide your hips, pushing you harder and faster against him.

“You want me?” Taehyung exhaled against your lips.

“I need you. Take off your pants, Tae,” you instructed as you climbed off of him.

“The others won’t intrude?” Tae asked with a smirk as he tugged down his pants.

“Yoongi is flying the jet, and I don’t give a fuck if Jungkook walks in on us,” you answered as you sank to your knees.

You wasted no time in taking a firm hold of Taehyung cock. Your now ice cold hand caused Taehyung to shudder, a feeling he would now have to get used to. Luckily, the friction from your quick pumping warmed him back up, and he was able to fully enjoy himself. How could he not, when he sees your eager eyes gazing up at him with your lips wrapped around his tip. Your tongue swirled around his sensitive head, making a small moan escape from his lips.

“You have to be quiet, or else I’ll stop,” you warned him. It felt good to hold somewhat of a dominant position over him, but also you would rather not be walked in on. Taehyung nodded his head and licked his lips as you returned to the task at hand.

Drool dripped down his long cock as you bobbed your head up and down. You tried to fit as much of him in your mouth as you could, but his sheer size made it damn near impossible. Taehyung couldn’t help himself as he grabbed the back of your head and shoved his dick further down your throat. You gagged as he took control of your mouth, but he stopped as soon as he saw tears welling in your eyes.

“I’m sorry darling, did I hurt you?” he asked with concern as he stroked your cheek.

“I’m fine, it’s an involuntary reaction. You’re too sweet,” you smiled as you stood up and unbuttoned your pants, “But since you made me cry I guess it’s only fair for you to make it up to me.”

You straddled over Taehyung, teasing your bare pussy over his hard cock. You wanted him to feel how wet you were before he even penetrated you. As much as you wanted to milk this moment, you really would rather for Jungkook to NOT walk in on you in the middle of getting down and dirty.

You slowly lowered yourself onto Taehyung’s dick, softly gasping as he stretched you out. You both let out a blissful sigh once you reached his base. You took your time fucking him slowly, as this was one of the few times that you had control in an intimate setting. Taehyung gripped your hips harshly; his eyes begged for you to go faster. Lust took over and you gave in. You began to ride him harder and faster, and soon it was a struggle for both of you to stay quiet.

Lewd wet sounds echoed around the cabin as you hid your face in the crook of Taehyung's neck at a poor attempt to muffle your moans. Taehyung in turn could barely hold back his deep grunts since he took control with a tight grip on your ass as he fucked upwards into you. With Taehyung drilling into your sweet spot with inhumane speed, the intensity made you clamp down on his neck hard enough to draw blood. Taehyung came quickly after you bit him, releasing his load into your ravaged pussy.

You licked at his wound, his blood only adding to the euphoria pulsing around your body. Taehyung kissed you passionately before you hopped off in search of napkins to clean yourself off with. The sound of the cockpit door opening sent you and Taehyung into a frenzy. Clothes were put back on in record time and you both were sitting properly in your respective seats when Jungkook came to rejoin you.

“You’re looking better, Fangs,” Jungkook observed.

“I just needed some time to adjust,” Taehyung said smoothly.

“You guys know we have cameras and microphones rigged around this cabin right? And it’s all viewable from the cockpit?” Jungkook raised an eyebrow.

Taehyung’s eyes grew large and you shifted uncomfortably in your seat. Neither of you could make eye contact with Jungkook, who was looking at both of you expectantly.

“This is why I do not appreciate modern technology. Personal privacy is a thing of the past,” Taehyung confessed.

Jungkook burst out into a fit of laughter, clutching at his sides as he tried to talk.

“I was fucking with you. I mean yeah there are cameras and shit but security is in the back and gets sent directly to HQ. Which no longer exists. Fuck, you guys are so horny,” Jungkook laughed.

“Fuck off Jungkook,” you rolled your eyes and turned away to hide your reddened cheeks.

“How’s it feel being part of the Mile High Club?” Jungkook slung his arms around Taehyung’s shoulders from behind.

“I am assuming that has something to do with intercourse in the sky?” Taehyung questioned. Jungkook nodded excitedly.

“In that case, I rather enjoyed it,” Taehyungn concluded thoughtfully.

“Tae! You don’t have to indulge this idiot,” you cried out.

“Thanks for being honest. Yoongi and I made a bet. He’s gonna be so pissed,” Jungkook sing songed as he walked back towards the cockpit.

You and Taehyung quietly listened as you heard Jungkook say, “Hey Yoongi, time to cough up that $200!”

“Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell ___! God dammit,” Yoongi exclaimed loud enough to be heard clearly through the door (and with your heightened sense of hearing).

The decrepit castle basked in the pale moonlight as the four of you peered at it through the bushes. The rest of the plane ride was awkward and Yoongi hadn’t been able to make eye contact with you since. He kept shooting death glares at Taehyung while Jungkook kept making funny faces at the both of you. You sighed knowing odds were that the castle was filled with bloodthirsty vampires guarding the strongest one of them all, and the only ones going up against them was your ragtag team. You suddenly made peace with dying...again.

“So what’s the plan again?” Jungkook asked.

“I can go and try to reason with them. If you hear the sounds of an altercation then that would indicate your cue to join the fight,” Taehyung offered.

“I’m not risking you turning over to their side just to screw us over,” Yoongi sneered.

“Yoongi he wouldn’t--”

“That’s reasonable. What other plan do we have then?” Taehyung interrupted your oncoming protest.

“We go all at once. A cool final last stand thing. The grand finale. I don’t want to go into hiding and spend the rest of my life trying to pick these suckers off one by one. They’re all here. Or at least, the one that matters most anyway,” Jungkook gave his input, “Oh, but you matter to me, Fangs,” he shot a smile at Taehyung, who gave him a small polite bow to show his gratitude.

“So we go in guns blazing?” you asked to sum up the plan. The men all nodded in agreement. It was now or never. Jungkook was right, this was a prime opportunity to take out the ring leader.

All of you sported long black trench coats that concealed many weapons. Guns with blessed bullets, blessed blades, and water guns filled with holy water (Jungkook’s favorite) were among the vast assortment. You subtly left out wearing crucifixes as you normally would, hoping that no one would notice. Taehyung didn’t need any fancy weaponry, but Jungkook gave him a coat so that he could “match the team in its kickassery”.

Yoongi was staring at something in his hand away from the others. You approached him slowly. You didn’t know what to say to him on the potential last night of your lives, but you hoped something would come to mind.

“Whatcha got there?” you questioned, peering over his shoulder.

“An old picture. Have you ever seen this before? Here,” Yoongi handed you the picture. It was old, and the camera quality was not the greatest. However, you were able to make out a smiling Yoongi off to the side.

“Wow you look the same,” you joked.

“This was my VEC graduation picture. See anyone else you know?” he asked. You examined the picture a second time.

“Mom and dad…” you trailed off. They were practically strangers to you. It was odd seeing them like this; young and happy, not knowing their grim future. Before you knew it, you were crying. You didn’t realize it until Yoongi called your name with concern.

“Sorry, I don’t know what’s going on,” you apologized while wiping your tears away, “I guess I just don’t want to lose you too.

“I couldn’t bear to lose you either, ___. I promise I’ll do everything I can to protect you. But knowing you, you’ll probably be the one saving my old ass,” Yoongi chuckled as he patted you on the back.

“Guys! We gotta go!” Jungkook beckoned.

If this were a movie, the scene where the main characters walk in slow motion like badasses towards the enemy would be playing. However, this was not a movie, and you were scared shitless. Sure, you technically were a vampire now, but that won’t stop them from killing you again.

“I know I said this place was cool before, but now it’s giving me the creeps,” Jungkook whispered as you all followed the rugged path that led to the stone bridge in front of the main gate.

The once grand door was now ripped off its hinges, laying a few yards away from the entryway as if it was carelessly cast aside. You took a deep breath as you followed Taehyung into the castle. Beams of moonlight illuminated the castle in rays as it shone through cracks and holes in the walls. The castle was oddly bare, most of its belongings were probably looted a long time ago. All that was left was memories of the past that no one cared about and a few rats that have lived there for decades.

Your party made it to what must have been the throne room. There was not a single sign of life. It was eerily quiet, and the only movements you saw were those of the vermin that dwelled within the decaying walls. The throne room was dark, and Jungkook led the way with a single lighter.

“What the hell? Is this place really empty--”

“Welcome, honored guests!” a loud voice boomed as braziers suddenly lit up the room.

You cowered at the sudden brightness. Once your eyes adjusted, you saw a single figure sitting in the throne at the front of the room. One of his legs was slung over an armrest as he rested his chin on his hand over the other. He depicted a spitting image of a cocky King drunk on power.

“I’m so thrilled you all could join me this evening. Oh, what’s this? An old friend? How serendipitous,” he sat up straight now as he leaned forward to get a better look at his visitors.

“Why did you summon us here?” Yoongi cut right to the chase.

“Very blunt and straight to the point are we? You must be the failed VEC’s headmaster. Min Yoongi, was it? I wanted to talk business. But I must say, this is a rather odd bunch you have here,” the man chuckled, “Are you aware that there are vampyres amongst your company?”

“Yes, this one--wait, vampires? With an ‘s’?” Yoongi’s face scrunched up in confusion.

“Oh yes, that girl over there,” the strange man gestured towards you with his chin.

“What?!” Yoongi yelled with incredulity, “Taehyung, if we get out of here alive I’m gonna murder you myself!”

“It was my decision! I asked him to do it!” you admitted while jumping in front of Taehyung to protect him from a furious Min Yoongi.

“Hah, I knew it,” Jungkook said with a devious grin.

“You know what? I’ll beat all of your asses after this,” Yoongi hissed before turning his attention back to the man on the throne, “Anyway, what do you want?”

“I simply wanted to negotiate with you Mr. Min. But I believe we’re all in for a rather interesting night,” the man licked his lips, “Tell me, how long has it been, Taehyung?”

In an instant, Taehyung was strangling the man on the throne. He was so fast that you didn’t even register his movement until you heard him yelling.

“You bastard! You ruined my life! Over and over again! Now I can finally kill you with my own hands,” he growled with a murderous look in his eyes that you have never seen before.

“Taehyung stop! You’ll have your chance with him, but for now we need answers,” you pulled Taehyung away as Jungkook put the vampire in blessed restraints.

“Ouch, that hurts,” the vampire pouted, “Still just as dramatic as ever I see, Taehyung. I like your spark though. Almost the same as the night we met, all those years ago.”

“I will kill you,” Taehyung threatened.

“What did this guy do to you, Fangs?” Jungkook asked.

“He’s the one that turned me,” Taehyung admitted.

“Can you believe that? It feels like it was just yesterday when I slaughtered your little village. How silly was it that all the men were in the tavern, drinking and fucking whores while their families were left unattended. That didn’t sit right by me, I’m a man of morals. So I killed everyone in the tavern after I had my fill of lonely housewives and innocent children. Except Taehyung. He was the only man who was ever able to put a scratch on me. I forgot I could even bleed, it was honestly a refreshing sight. In the spur of the moment, I rewarded him with eternal life. Could you believe my surprise when he said he didn’t want to be my henchman?” the detained vampire explained.

“You killed my family and everyone that I knew! Of course I wouldn’t want to be your stupid sidekick, you daft idiot,” Taehyung rebuttled in disgust.

“It was a shame. Poor sweet Maggie didn’t deserve what happened to her,” the vampire looked down at the ground somberly.

“You...you did what?” Taehyung interrogated with a shaky voice.

“I managed to catch a glimpse of you and your happy life in London. Excuse me for being a little petty about you declining my offer to be my travel buddy. I get lonely, you know. Every other vampire I turn becomes such a drag and I end up killing them myself. So I gave a little tip to the VEC and the rest is history,” the vampire shrugged.

“Hoseok you snake! You’re the scum of the Earth! I’ll tear your throat out,” Taehyung screamed as he shook off Jungkook and lunged at the captured vampire. Taehyung slashed a giant gash in the middle of Hoseok’s chest, spewing blood everywhere.

“If I die, so do they,” Hoseok said nonchalantly as Taehyung was about to sink his fangs into his jugular. That made Taehyung reluctantly pause and shrink back.

“Taehyung, you can have the honor of killing this piece of shit after I’m done talking to him,” Yoongi stated, “Your name is Hoseok?”

“Jung Hoseok, at your service. I’m thinking of J-Hope as a street name if I decide to make my dancing skills public. Not to brag, but I’m also the strongest vampire to ever live. I normally don’t bleed this much, it’s embarrassing,” Hoseok looked away bashfully as blood flowed freely from his chest.

“Why did you say that if you die we die?” Yoongi asked with urgency.

“Well because there are roughly 100 vampires who haven’t fed in a month waiting at my command. My dominion over them is the only thing keeping you safe. With me gone, they’ll be free from their invisible leashes,” Hoseok smiled.

“Nothing is stopping us from dragging your sorry ass away from here,” Jungkook snarled.

“You think they’ll idly sit by and watch their master be whisked away in shackles? I can tell who wasn’t top of their class,” Hoseok giggled.

“What was the deal you had in mind?” Yoongi kept up his stoic act.

“Total immunity. I’ll even have all 100 henchmen kill themselves as a show of good faith,” Hoseok flashed a sly smile.

“No can do, I already promised Taehyung he could kill you,” Yoongi sighed.

“Is he part of the VEC? The deal would have to last for the rest of eternity between me and the VEC. If I die in a vampire fight then that’s on me,” Hoseok tilted his head in confusion.

“Give me a minute to discuss this with my colleagues,” Yoongi said before leading you and Jungkook to the opposite side of the room, “What do we do? His offer seems too good to be true.”

“It seems fair since he said he’d kill off his henchman on his own. I’m sure Taehyung can kick his ass,” Jungkook added.

“And if Tae loses? Then we have nothing that’ll stop him from killing us. It’s too risky. I don’t trust him one bit,” you concluded.

“We can’t possibly win against him plus 100 starving vampires. We’ll be dead meat in seconds,” Yoongi argued.

Meanwhile, Taehyung looked down in disgust at Hoseok as they had their own conversation.

“I think we were fated to be together. I never thought you’d be here,” Hoseok batted his eyes at Taehyung.

“You’re lucky they’re here to stop me. Otherwise you’d regret letting me live,” Taehyung snapped.

“So why are you here? I’m guessing it has something to do with that girl. Don’t tell me, did you turn her?” Hoseok’s eyes grew large, “Wow, you’ve grown stronger than I could have hoped! If we combine our powers we can rule this world.”

“You’re delusional if you think I’d join you after all of this.”

“Then I’ll enjoy tearing apart your plaything in front of your eyes,” Hoseok smirked.

“If you lay a finger on her then I’ll--”

“We’ll accept your terms after a few more clarifications,” Yoongi interrupted, “First of all, we don’t think we can trust you. After all, you wiped out the VEC HQ. I have no doubt that the global branches have fallen as well. There’s nothing stopping you from killing us as soon as we let you free.”

“We both know that you never would have agreed to meet with me if I hadn’t done anything drastic. I needed to get rid of the grunts to get to the King, simple as that. Believe me, if I wanted you dead you all would have been slain the moment your fancy plane landed,” Hoseok shrugged.

“Then why did you let us live? Why go through the trouble?” Jungkook questioned.

“For the drama of it all, dear boy. When you get to be as old as I am, living gets boring. I’m not sure if you could tell, but I live for theatrics and thrill. Oh and I’m planning on taking over the world or whatever,” Hoseok admitted happily.

“And you think we’d let you get away with that?” Yoongi scoffed.

“I’m simply offering you a little peace offering. Of course I wouldn’t hurt you three, and you’re all welcome to kill any vampires that come across your path. It’s more of a mutual immunity actually. This benefits you people more than me. If you disagree, you’re dead anyway,” Hoseok smiled wide enough to show off his fangs.

“Fine. The VEC accepts your terms. You have my word that the VEC will never harm you,” Yoongi declared, “But first, we must see your troops fall with our own eyes.”

“Pleasure doing business with you, I knew you’d be smart. And that’s fair,” Hoseok whistled and the ground began to rumble as an army of vampires came running into the throne room.

The soldiers made orderly lines and awaited their orders. Some of them salivated at the sight of your party, but they didn’t dare move an inch without permission. They were the most ravenous vampires you’ve ever seen, and would want to avoid fighting them at all cost.

“My dear underlings. You have all served me well. You’ll be in my heart as I create a new world. I ask one last thing of you. Rip out your own heart to show your devotion to me. May your souls rest in peace,” Hoseok gave a short uninspiring speech.

You watched in horror as the army chanted “Long Live Hoseok” along with random whoops and hollers. They were extremely lively and hyped up as they plunged their own fists into their chests. Fountains of red erupted across the room as they ripped out their own hearts. You let out a sigh of relief as you watched the last soldier fall.

“That was wild,” Jungkook said with a deer in headlights expression.

“Really makes you feel something huh? A deals a deal,” Hoseok chirped up expectantly.

Hoseok was tackled to the ground as soon as he was released. Taehyung yelled with fury as he reopened the nearly healed gash he inflicted earlier. Hoseok reacted by hurling Taehyung into the opposite wall.

“I haven’t had a real fight in ages. Don’t disappoint me, Taehyung,” Hoseok laughed as he spat out blood.

A rock was hurled at incredible speed from where Taehyung landed. Hoseok was quick enough to dodge the rock, but not Taehyung. Once again, the vampires were on the ground and Taehyung was aiming for Hoseok’s throat. Jungkook shot a blessed bullet into Hoseok’s leg, causing him to howl out in pain.

Hoseok tossed Taehyung aside with newfound strength as his eyes glowed red. He set his sights on Jungkook and his lips curled up into an evil smile.

“You dare to break the contract, boy? I’m gonna make you regret that,” Hoseok warned.

Another blessed bullet lodged itself into Hoseok’s back, making him crumple to the ground. He turned in distress to see you wielding the gun with a cocky smirk plastered on your face. Yoongi kicked him onto his back, and spat in his face. With a quick motion of his arm, a wooden stake peeked out of the opening of his sleeve. With a yell, he plunged the wooden stake into Hoseok’s chest.

“Filthy liars,” Hoseok sputtered as blood dribbled down his chin.

“We agreed that the VEC would never harm you. However, you singlehandedly dismantled the company and the establishment is no more. I was the headmaster, but now I’m just a jobless son of a bitch,” Yoongi said triumphantly as he pushed the stake deeper.

“We did it Yoongles!” you cheered before you heard the sounds of bones breaking. The smile dropped from your face instantly as you zipped over to Yoongi.

“An eye for an eye. Well played, Mr. Min Yoongi,” Hoseok croaked with his hand buried in Yoongi’s chest.

Taehyung quickly decapitated Hoseok with a strong kick. Hoseok’s body turned to dust as his head rolled across the floor for a few seconds before it also reverted to nothingness.

“Yoongi! Yoongi!” you cried as you cradled him in your arms. Warm blood gushed out of his chest as he struggled to keep his eyes open. Jungkook sank to his knees beside you and held onto Yoongi’s hand.

“Taehyung, go start up the jet! We have to get him to a hospital!” you demanded with tears running down your cheeks.

“He doesn’t know how to,” Jungkook said softly, trying to comfort you.

“We have to help him!” you sobbed.

“___,” Yoongi whispered weakly.

“Shhh, you’ll be okay. Don’t speak,” you begged.

“Love...you...Be...happy…,” Yoongi rasped before gagging on his own blood.

You and Jungkook cried over Yoongi’s body for a long time after it had gone cold. Jungkook held you as you cried into his chest as you soiled his clothes with tears and snot. To be fair, his tears and snot ended up all over your hair. Taehyung wanted to comfort you, but he knew Jungkook was a better fit for this job. Afterall, Yoongi was special to both of you. He was the parent neither of you had, and always took care of you guys in his own special way.

After the sobs subsided, you and Jungkook stared blankly at the body before you. You’ve always been surrounded by death, it never bothered you. You didn’t need emotions in this line of work. You never thought you could feel pain like this.

“He was a hero. I’m sorry for your loss,” Taehyung finally spoke as he placed a hand on both of your shoulders to show his condolences.

“Thanks, Tae.”

“Thanks, Fangs,” both you and Jungkook said in unison.

Yoongi was buried outside of the castle, in the clearing where the private jet landed. There were no fancy rituals or blessings. Only a few words of gratitude uttered by both you and Jungkook. It was still too soon to say much more before either of you would start crying again. The feelings were there, and that’s all that mattered.

The sun began to rise as the three of you sat inside the private jet in silence. You were lost. The VEC was truly no more. The biggest vampire threat (that you weren’t even aware of until a few days prior) was defeated. Now what?

“What are you going to do now?” you asked Jungkook.

“No clue. I guess I’ll travel. I have nothing else to do,” he shrugged, “What about you guys?”

“I think I want to open up a flower shop,” you said absentmindedly.

“A flower shop? Like the one Yoongi set up for you?” Jungkook was confused.

“Yeah. I can either try to make that one work or start up my own elsewhere. I don’t know. I just think that would...make me happy,” you answered softly.

“Would you like some help with that?” Taehyung asked as he interlocked his fingers with yours.

“Who else is gonna teach me how to make such beautiful bouquets? Plus I don’t have a green thumb so I’ll need you to help keep the plants alive until we can sell them,” you answered and squeezed Taehyung’s hand.

“It’ll suck now that we don’t have a job but--wait,” Jungkook scrolled on his phone, “___, check your bank account.”

You stared in disbelief at the obscene amount of extra zeros that had magically appeared in your balance. Yoongi must have transferred what was left of the VEC funds to you and Jungkook at some point. Thinking about Yoongi looking out for you one final time made you tear up again.

“I’ll drop you guys off wherever you want. I’m assuming neither of you know how to fly so I’m calling dibs on the private jet,” Jungkook stood up.

“Bold of you to assume I don’t have a piloting license, but you can take it since Taehyung hates flying,” you rolled your eyes at Jungkook before continuing, “Tae do you want to go back to your estate?”

“We don’t have to. I like the idea of starting anew,” Taehyung smiled.

“How does Paris sound?” you offered.

“C’est magnifique. I’m sure we’ll find a way to start a successful flower shop there,” Taehyung nodded in agreement.

It had been five years since the VEC was destroyed. You never knew what a normal life was like, but now you wouldn’t trade it for the world. Sure, your new “normal” still technically wasn’t normal since you needed to consume blood to live and the sun was your mortal enemy, but you made it work.

Business was booming. “Min’s Blossoms” was the name of your flower shop, and every day was an adventure. Having Taehyung as your business partner proved to be more beneficial than you thought. Other than his floral expertise, his appearance is what really got the business off the ground. Apparently, rumors of a mysterious and handsome man who worked at a local flower shop were being spread around the city. Women flocked to the store to catch a glimpse of Taehyung, and soon they all started buying flowers just for a chance to talk to him. Taehyung was worried that that might upset you, but you reassured him that you were happy that the store was doing so well so early on.

Now Min’s Blossoms had become part of the Paris landscape along with all the other little fancy boutiques. Taehyung was in charge of putting together orders, while you handled most of the business side. Your teamwork was impeccable and made even the busiest days enjoyable.

“Are you happy?” Taehyung asked one morning while in bed.

“Honestly, I didn’t think it was possible to be this happy,” you rolled over to kiss his forehead.

“Do you ever miss your old life?” he prodded.

“Why so many questions today? As much as I loved brutally murdering monsters and constantly putting my life on the line, I would say no. This life is more pleasant. How ironic is it that I had to die in order to truly live,” you stared off into the distance as you uttered that last sentence.

“My apologies, I only wanted to ask since I know you tend to get pensive during this time of the year,” Taehyung stroked your cheek.

“Thanks for always being so sweet to me. I love you, Tae,” you whisper before leaning in for a kiss.

What started as an innocent kiss soon turned into something more tainted when your hand found its way to Taehyung’s already hard cock (who knew vampires can still get morning wood?). He didn’t let you take the lead as he pushed you flat on your back and pressed his thigh against your cunt. You giggled as he kissed a trail down your neck and over your collarbones as he fondled your breasts. He latched his mouth onto one of your breasts and his tongue swirled around your nipple as his free hand ripped off your panties.

Taehyung’s fingers slipped inside you easily since you were already sopping wet for him. He smirked as the curl of his fingers made you moan and squirm beneath him. Taehyung pulled away from your breast with a satisfying “pop” and slid down to face your bare pussy. He licked shallow stripes along your folds to tease you, and let out a low chuckle when you whined for more. He placed a finger on your clit and started to rub it rapidly, not giving you any time to adjust to the intense sensation. It only took a few seconds before you were moaning and shaking at his touch.

Taehyung wasn’t finished. He went back to eating you out while pumping two fingers inside of you. The overstimulation had you seeing stars. You cried out as you came again, drenching his chin with your juices. Taehyung gave you a satisfactory grin as he rose from between your legs to align his dick with your dripping pussy.

You groaned as he filled you up. He went slow at first, his eyes closed with pleasure. You gazed at him fondly while he fucked you. He was so beautiful even when your cum was on his chin and his sweaty hair was stuck to his forehead. Taehyung opened his eyes and looked down at you with a smile. He leaned forward to kiss you once more as he snapped his hips against you.

“You’re gonna make fun of me for cumming so soon. But I can’t help it when you’re wetter than usual,” he panted as his strokes became sloppier.

“I won’t complain, you already made me cum this morning, now it’s your turn,” you answered between moans. Taehyung grunted as he came inside of you, his hot semen filling you up. He gave you one final kiss before collapsing beside you.

“You know, you never told me how I saved your life,” you said after a while.

“Hmm?” Taehyung hummed.

“You mentioned it the night you turned me,” you clarified.

“Ah, yes. My life had been meaningless for a long time before you came. For a while I was contemplating on ending it myself. But you came along and rescued me. You gave me purpose again,” he explained.

“Wow. Not to be cheesy, but you did the same for me. Honestly my life was mundane before you,” you blushed.

“Surely the best vampire hunter in the world led an exciting life,” Taehyung teased.

“I suppose I did, but I would take a lifetime with you over it any day,” you smiled, “I love you, my little vampire.”

“I love you too, ___. There’s no one else I’d rather spend eternity with.”

#bts smut #taehyung smut #btswritingcafe #bangtanshadowfamily #bangtanarmynet #ksmutclub #bts angst #taehyung angst #vampire bts #taehyung vampire #bts fanfic #kpop fanfic #taehyung fanfic #taehyung x reader

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tpwkjerii · 4 years ago

Text

as you wish | 3

your one true love was lost in a pirate accident five years ago, and now you’re engaged to a cruel prince. with all your misfortune, you didn’t expect three unconventional thugs and a painfully familiar pirate to save you from a dreadful future. (inspired by The Princess Bride)

pairing: pirate!seokjin x princess!reader

warnings: fluff and angst (!!), reader is forced into engagement and becoming a princess, mentions of death, kidnapping, murder threats, mentions of monsters and fire, kissing, attempted murder, cursing

genre: fairy tale/pirate au, semi established relationship au

word count: 3.7k+

a/n: two more parts left eek (this is also kinda unedited; my apologies for any grammar mistakes :[ )

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“Looks like your darling Prince has caught up to us,” the masked man stated dryly, his arms crossed in obvious displeasure.

You furrowed your brows. “You’re not working for him?” you asked quickly.

He scoffed in response. “Why would I work for him,” he spat.

You rolled your eyes at his attitude, concern growing in your mind. You still had no idea who this man was, so going with him was a 50/50 chance of life or death, and you definitely knew that Prince Donghae would not be pleased if he got to you. The last thing you wanted was a repeat of your first night at the castle — it wasn’t unlikely that he would go further either.

However, you didn’t have much time to decide on or say something as the masked man harshly grabbed your arms and pulled you away. You sputtered as he practically dragged your body down the hill.

“What do you want from me?” you asked, your voice and body tired. “If it’s ransom, I promise that you can get it, no matter the amount.”

The man in black scoffed again. “And how much do you think you’re worth, your Highness? What are your words worth, the mere promise of a Princess?”

You sighed, your irritation growing with his stubbornness. “I was giving you a chance… It doesn’t matter where you take me, Prince Donghae is the greatest hunter in this kingdom. He will find you, and I can’t guarantee your fate for when he does.”

He laughed scornfully. “You think your dearest love, the Prince, will save you?” he questioned.

Your face screwed at his suggestion. “I never said that he was my dearest love and yes, he will save me, that I know.”

“You admit to me that you do not love your fiance?” the man asked you, shock evident in his tone.

“He knows I don’t love him,” you responded simply.

“Are not capable of love is what you mean,” he remarked snarkily.

His words stung and, outraged, you planted your feet on the ground above you and ripped yourself out of his grip. You looked at the masked man directly in the eyes, pain in your voice as you told him, “I have loved more deeply than a killer like yourself could ever dream.”

This man may have several physical similarities to Seokjin, but his words and attitude clearly showed otherwise. Perhaps your first impression based on his revealing attire was correct after all.

He was silent as you continued. “I know exactly who you are. Your cruelty revealed it all.” He remained silent as he simply looked at you.

“You’re the dread Pirate Joohyun; admit it!” you exclaimed, anger towards the man who killed the only man you ever truly loved overtaking you.

A mischievous smirk spread across the man’s face. “With pride,” he responded, causing you to breathe out in anger. “What can I do for you?” he asked teasingly.

“You can die slowly — burn and be fed to the sharks for all I care!” you answered, angry tears spilling down your face from his words.

He winced in faux pain. “Those words hurt, your Highness. What have I done to deserve such a cruel fate?”

You stepped closer to him, now staring him dead in the eyes. “You killed my love,” you said, your voice threateningly low.

The man faltered, and for a brief second you almost thought that he had remorse for you. “That’s possible. I’ve killed a lot of people,” he replied bluntly before immediately grabbing you again.

You scoffed, struggling against his strong arms as he dragged you further away.

“Who was this love of yours? Another prince? Was he ugly and rich like this one?” he remarked, contempt clear in his voice. You briefly wondered what exactly this man had against you and your fiance (who you don’t even like) before you responded.

“No,” you started, keeping your voice as level as possible as you reminisced about Seokjin. “A poor farm boy. Poor but perfect, with eyes like chocolate and the kindest soul I’ve ever met.” You stepped closer to the masked man, tears now slowly rolling down your face. “Your ship attacked, and we all know that you, dread Pirate Joohyun, don’t take any prisoners.”

He was slow to reply. “I can’t afford to make any exceptions. Once word goes out that a pirate’s gone soft, people start to take risks and disobey you. Then it’s nothing but work and fighting from there,” he explained like a teacher would.

You breathed out in disbelief at his outward lack of contrition. “You mock my pain,” you spat.

“Life is pain, your Highness.” His grip on your arm tightened and his pace quickened. “Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying.”

You didn’t get a chance to respond before he continued, “I think I remember your farm boy. That would have been what, two years ago?”

You remained silent, the past two days and sudden onslaught of this man’s harsh words and memories of Seokjin bringing tears to your eyes.

“Does that bother you to hear? To think about once again?” he persisted.

You ripped yourself out of his grip again and pushed his chest, sending him a few feet back. “Nothing you say now can upset me any more than you already have. My heart is used to harshness and disinterest.”

The masked man ignored your words and continued sharply, “He died well, that should please you. No bribe attempts or useless blubbering. He only said ‘Please. Please, I need to live.’ That’s what caught my memory. I asked him what was so important on this earth that he deserved to live for, and he said true love.” He paused to laugh bitterly. “Then he spoke of a girl of surpassing beauty and faithfulness. I can only assume he meant you. You should thank me for killing him before he found out who you truly are.”

“And who am I?” you countered, stepping closer to him in anger.

“Faithfulness, my lady. He mentioned your unwavering faithfulness,” he responded bitterly. “Now tell me, when you found out he died, did you get engaged to your prince that hour, or did you at least wait a week, out of respect for the dead?”

Your hands balled up by your sides. “Don’t mock me anymore! I died that day! You speak as if it was my choice!”

“Was it no-”

The masked man paused, and both of your heads turned towards the fields which he rushed you away from. There, Prince Donghae and his small army were making their way in your current direction.

Your eyes moved from the royal soldiers towards Seokjin towards the ravine that was lying below the hills on your right side; and with only a moment of thought, your hands moved up towards Seokjin’s chest.

“You too can die for all I care,” you said darkly before you pushed him down the hill.

You watched as he tumbled down the grassy hill, no emotions running through your tired body. It wasn’t until three words, three words which used to bring you great comfort and happiness, rang out, the voice behind them growing further and further away by the second.

“...As…you…wish…”

Your hand instantly flew to your mouth in horror. You were wrong - extremely wrong. “Oh my god, what have I done? My sweet Seokjin,” you whispered, your mind reeling at the sudden turn of events.

Without a second thought or consideration of the dangers ahead of you, you ran down the steep hill into the ravine. You barely made it a few meters before your foot got caught on a rock, sending you tumbling down the hill and into the ravine behind Seokjin.

You winced as you landed on the dirt, your body sore from the heavy impact.

“Can you move at all?” you heard Seokjin groan from a few feet away.

“Can I move?” you started, lifting your head up to look at him. His mask was off his face now, allowing you to perfectly see his beautiful face and know that it really was him. “Seokjin, you’re alive. I could fly if you asked me too.”

“Fly then.”

“You know I meant that figuratively, Jinnie,” you said with a sigh, a wave of relief crashing through you as you realized his sense of humor never changed even after all this time. “Oh, Seokjin,” you murmured, closing your eyes and laying your head down on the ground again.

The leaves and stones crunched beneath him as he stood up and walked towards you. “I told you that I would always come back to you,” he said, leaning down to gently caress your face before lifting you to your feet. You opened your eyes and looked up to meet his eyes, your hand instinctively reaching for his. “Why didn’t you wait for me?” he asked softly.

You felt a knot in your chest as you answered. “You were dead. And I had no choice in following Prince Donghae’s orders of becoming his Princess if I wanted to live.”

He let go of your hand, much to your initial dismay, and moved it up to gently cup your cheek. “You should have had more faith in me. Death can’t stop true love, it can delay it at most,” he spoke earnestly.

You nodded, eyes glazing over as you said, “I’ll never doubt again.”

“You will never need to doubt,” Seokjin replied before he leaned down and closed the distance between your lips. His plump lips were slightly chapped yet still maintained their soft quality. You melted in the familiarity of his tongue swiping against your bottom lip and the way he pulled away only for a few seconds just to kiss you again. His large hands rested gently on your face before moving to your lower back and the back of your head as he pulled you deeper into the kiss.

After what felt like an eternity, he finally pulled away. Breathless, you both took a few seconds to catch your breath.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for the past two years,” Seokjin admitted with a laugh as he massaged your hands lovingly.

“If you’d taken that mask off earlier we could’ve done that at least 20 hours ago.” You laughed.

Seokjin opened his mouth, ready to reply before an echo of a horse’s whine rang through the gorge. You and Seokjin looked up and saw the man whose appearance you’d been dreading this past journey. Prince Donghae had dismounted from his horse and was looking down into the gorge, an unrecognizable expression on his face.

Your breath caught in your throat. “Do you think… he can see us?” you whispered to Seokjin.

He shook his head. “Unlikely. Even if he does, he’s too late. There’s no way they can get around this gorge in less than at least three days.”

Seokjin’s confidence reassured you, although a small feeling of reassurance still gnawed at your stomach. “Are you sure?”

He nodded and gave you a kind smile. “I’m positive, my love. Even if he did, I would not let him take you from me again — I would rather die than let that happen.”

You sighed and shook your head. “Still dramatic, aren’t you?” you asked with a teasing smile.

He scoffed in offense. “It’s true! I really would!”

“I’ll take your word for it, Jin,” you said lightly.

He grinned and leaned down to press a soft kiss on your cheek. A blush spread across your face as he grabbed your hand and gently tugged you forward. “C’mon, let’s go.”

“How do you know where to go?” you asked curiously, examining the dense forest ahead of you.

“Do you think I’ve just been lazing around the past two years?” He reached his arm towards his back and unsheathed his sword, the silver barely shining in the low light that barely peeked into the gorge. “I’m not the same farm boy that I once was.”

“And what happened these past two years, Seokjin?” you asked as you followed him while he skillfully led you through the thick trees.

He sliced through a natural wall of tiny branches, a sharp slicing noise filling your ears. “Would you like the short story or the long story?”

You took his hand as you hopped over the pile of dead branches and leaves. “Well, I’m assuming that we have at least two or three to go through whatever this place is, so I suppose that you have time to tell the long story?”

“You’re absolutely correct,” he said cheekily, using his sword to cut through a wall of vines that hung from the trees. “Before I start, I would like to hear about you.”

You jumped as you heard a loud chirp from within the forest, instinctively moving closer to Seokjin, who moved his hand so he could wrap his arm securely around you. “What about me?” you asked, your voice still shaky in mild fear from the unexpected noise.

“You know what I mean, Y/N.” He took a deep breath as you sliced through another wall of built up branches. “How did you end up as Princess, engaged and to be married to Prince Donghae? What happened?”

“Not too long after you left us, father died—”

“I’m sorry,” he interrupted you, a sorrowful look on his face.

“It’s ok, I’ve already made my peace with his death.” You smiled at him gently before you continued. “Not too long after, news spread of the King’s deteriorating health and the subsequent search for a Princess since Prince Donghae was yet to court anyone. Prince Donghae began searching throughout the Kingdom for any princess he deemed suitable, and honestly I expected the search to end in the inner Kingdom with a wealthy daughter of the court.

But I guess none of them satisfied him, and one day he was in our village. All potential ladies were gathered together in the Church - trust me I wouldn’t have been there if I wasn’t forced - and subject to his scruitany. Prince Donghae examined each lady, sparing some only a quick glance and other a brief exchange in words,” you paused to laugh bitterly, old feelings of resentment awakening. “I suppose that’s how I sealed my poor fate.”

“Something about me must have caught his attention, and he tried to start a conversation with me. Like a fool, I thought I could get away with ignoring him.” You paused to breathe in deeply, the memory of that day bringing in a familiar feeling of deep regret. “And showing him I wasn’t interested. Evidently, my silence spurned his curiosity, and as of that evening, the search for the to-be Princess ended.”

“I’m sorry for assuming you left me on your own will,” Seokjin apologized with a pitiful expression. By now your walking pace had decreased to a leisurely stroll as he guided you through the dense trees. “I hope that life as a Princess has at least treated you well.”

“Treated me well?” You laughed indignantly. “While I may have not had to worry about finances and a sudan surplus of materialistic items, life in the palace has been everything but welcoming,” you began to rant. Seokjin, while trying to contain his anger, listened thoughtfully as you continued. “I don’t belong. They never fail to remind me of that very fact every single day.”

“Who’s they?”

“The royal court, the administrators — hell even Prince Donghae sometimes! I hear the whispers whenever I enter a room: the mutters of ‘why is the poor village girl still here?’ and ‘how could such a lowly maiden be the Princess?’ and more. It takes all my willpower to not scream at them and tell them that I didn’t want to be there in the first place. Prince Donghae chose me but I never chose him or this life.

Every moment of the day I’m surrounded by people and guards who monitor my every action. They wait by my chamber rooms, by the drawing room, by the garden, and by every single room I could ever be in. Anything suspicious or out-of-line is reported to the Queen, who hates that I wasn’t born into wealth or royalty. But out of everyone, Prince Donghae is the worst,” you muttered darkly, tears threatening to fall from your eyes as you averted your gaze to the dirt floor.

“Why? What has he done to you?” Seokjin rushed, red hot anger spreading across his body.

You laughed bitterly. “All the sentiments that everyone in the Palace shares about me, he hears and feels them. He knows how I’m constantly ridiculed by the court and his own mother, yet he says nothing to them or of them. He uses me like a toy; he forces jewels and fine dresses onto me as his partner at formal events but throws me to the side when I’m not needed. There is not an ounce of love or affection between us. And heaven forbid I ever talk back or defend myself, because if I do… I’ll regret it.” Your hand unconsciously reached up to your neck, fingers touching the same spots Donghae’s were.

Seokjin seemed to understand what your sudden change in hand placement meant and his grip on his sword tightened. “That bastard touched you? He hurt you?”

You nodded. “But all physical injuries pale in comparison to the emotional blows I’ve faced. Like all things, though, I’ve grown uncaring. Their words won’t stop, that much I know, and for a long time I felt hopeless and knew that there was little - or nothing at all - I could do to change my fate. For many months, I just relished in the fact that I wasn’t dead.”

“If I had known that he was hurting you, I would’ve done everything I could to come back sooner.”

You looked up at him, and Seokjin’s heart ached at the vulnerability of your body language. You kept your voice soft as you asked, “What were you doing the past two years, Seokjin? How did you survive the attack?”

He sighed and slightly increased your walking pace as you entered a clearer path. “I first ought to explain that the dread Pirate Joohyun isn’t really Joohyun,” he paused to chuckle at your bewildered expression before continuing. “The real Pirate Joohyun has been retired twenty years now after securing enough gold and jewels to last his family three lifetimes. The rest of us have been under the mere illusion of a name… When my ship was attacked that night, I pleaded just like I told you did. The then-Joohyun, named Sihyuk, pitied me and welcomed me onto his ship.

I was a simple crewmate for a few weeks. It wasn’t seamless, of course. Every night, Sihyuk would tell me that he might kill me the next morning, but he never did. Before I realized it, he started training me in all skills a pirate should have: sword fighting, strength, balance, combat, everything. After a short few months, he told me everything about his true identity and the others before him and his plans to hand the title of ‘Pirate Joohyun’ to me.

I accepted, obviously, and the next day, we stopped at a port in Europe and got a new crew. When we set sail again, I was the Captain and Sihyuk called me ‘Joohyun’ until everyone believed that I was truly Joohyun. Then Sihyuk retired from pirating forever, and during the months between then and now, I fulfilled my duties as the Pirate Joohyun.”

You nodded, absorbing his story. It seemed like both of you had a rather unconventional past two years. “Did you ever go back? Back to our village?” you wondered aloud.

He nodded sadly. “I did once a few months ago. I left disappointed when the bakery lady told me that you had moved to the castle as the new Princess.”

“I’m so -”

“No.” Seokjin shook his head. “I’m sorry,” he stated firmly. “You did not deserve what you’ve been through, and my words were unwarranted. I did not know your side of the story and I thought harshly of you because of that.”

“It’s ok, Seokjin. I understand the pain you must have felt,” you whispered, your heart twinging at the thought of Seokjin leaving your tiny village, undoubtedly heartbroken and furious, under the impression that you no longer loved him and moved on with a rich Prince.

He paused in his steps and turned so you were directly facing him. His arms wrapped around you gently and you followed his movements. “I promise you, Y/N. You will never have to see Donghae or step foot into that castle again,” he whispered as he clutched you to his chest. You breathed in his familiar scent and tightened your arms around him. Seokjin’s hugs were just as comforting as before - if not more - and you basked in the way one of his hands rubbed circles in your lower back while the other slowly inched its way up to the back of your head.

You lifted your head up and met his eyes before you leaned in to press your lips against his. Your lips molded together perfectly, and you both rejoiced in the perfect feeling of electricity coursing through your veins and heat spreading across your chest as your mouths moved, magnificently in sync.

After your kiss, you and Seokjin continued through the forest. Seokjin, just as he mentioned, led you through expertly. You watched in amazement as he weaved you through every trap and navigated the unclear forest paths. Even when faced with unexpected monsters, Seokjin maintained his cool and swiftly killed them as if it was second nature.

(Although, he did complain about getting blood on his brand new top and singing the bottom of his pants when he nearly missed a fire trap).

The next few hours passed wonderfully with Seokjin and his comedic commentary, and you imagine that the journey would have been miserable with anyone else. When he announced that you were almost at the end of the gorge’s forest, you felt a ray of hope shine within you. Perhaps this would be the moment you’d dreamt of for the past two years. Maybe this was your second chance at life with Jin. Your excitement grew as you walked towards the visible clearing ahead, eager to leave the gorge with Jin at your side.

But of course, the prospect of being able to flee with Seokjin was too good to be true. You were right in your words before after all — Prince Donghae had found you.

#kim seokjin #seokjin #bts seokjin #seokjin imagine #seokjin x reader #seokjin fanfic #kim seokjin x reader #kim seokjin fanfic #bts fanfic #bts x reader #seokjin fluff #seokjin angst #bts fluff #bts angst #seokjin smut #bts smut

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nemycchi · 3 years ago

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Delusion

A Childe X Lumine Fanfiction

Rating : Not Rated

Tags : Psychological, Mild Angst, Character Death

----

During moments of utter silence, Childe recalls that which Lumine once told him about a book she had read from a far away land.

"It is of utmost importance that those who seek to fight monsters must not become one in the process."

He likes to think that perhaps, by mentioning it, she had once hoped that he would be reminded of his main aspiration—to conquer the world that is, and not to simply bathe in the blood of his enemies.

It has its merits, he admits—for he finds himself fighting alongside her during the turning point of the war, the darkness in him dampened by the white light she emits—cleansing the corruption that has resided in him for the longest time.

This too though, reminds him of another of her words.

"The deep dark abyss—stare for too long and it would stare back to those who dare."

It is true, for he knows that ever since he dropped down that hole in the world, he emerged as a monster that is only tamed by bloodshed.

And from the moment he knew Lumine, perhaps by her as well.

He has always carried a portion of that so-called abyss, feeling its vines wrapping inside his very being. He is a monster, that much is true, but tamed as one can be, he became a tool under her commands.

He does not care, for it is times with her when the whispers of the dark become muted—turned into nothing but echoes of the past.

"Childe? Breakfast?"

The man spies her slender form by the doorframe of his bedroom, sees her domestically ushering his sleepy person into the kitchen and he feels as though he had achieved that which he desires, with her by his side.

To conquer the world.

They did. They won. And it was all that he could ask for.

Celestia is no more. The abyss is no more. It is just him, Lumine and the rest of the world.

He smiles as he sits down at the table, reaching for her hand as she places the bowl of steaming Calla Lily Seafood Soup before him.

"Oh, my favorite. What's the occasion, girlie?"

"Mhm, nothing in particular. Just wanted to cook something special for you." she smiles back and he thinks he saw the glimmer of stars beyond her eyes.

Or perhaps it was nothing but an illusion, masking the deeper end of the void he is familiar with—if such end even existed.

Childe shakes his head for he believes that that is not the case. Lumine is here with him. And the abyss is no more. It is no more.

And if the calling of that dark bud inside him grows too strong anyhow, he knows she is here to defeat it for him.

For she is also perhaps a monster in her own rights.

--☆☆☆--

The bags under his eyes, and the haunted looks in his face tell everyone that he is far from recovered but everytime someone comes to ask him how he is faring, he will do nothing but face them with a smile before answering.

"I'm very much fine! Lumine takes good care of me."

If there were curious glances sent his way, he does not care. They must be seething inside—jealous that it was him who conquered her heart by the end of it all.

The savior and the reformed harbinger.

What a perfect love story—great as a tale to pass down from generations to generations. He sighs at the thought.

"Childe, pardon my query but I must ask—how have you truly been?"

He already lost count of how many times the same question had been asked of him.

He stops walking—to face the former Geo Archon a few steps behind.

"I do not understand why everyone keeps on asking the same question. I already told you i'm fine, didn't I?"

Oh how he hates it when they ask—as if they were doubting his princess' ability to care for him, for it was her who has been on his bed, in his kitchen, in his very house ever since the world achieved true peace.

They do not understand just how capable Lumine is.

And they will never know, if he has anything to say.

"Though we are but friends, I must express my deep concern. The dips on your cheeks beg to differ from that which you uttered."

The blue in his eyes shift into something malicious, to that belonging to the beast he keeps inside.

"With all due respect, Mr. Zhongli. I do not appreciate the implications of what you just said. You asked and I answered." He pauses.

The abyss is no more for Lumine is with him.

"I shall be going now. My wife is waiting for me at home."

As he walks away, he ignores the burning gaze on his back. It's fine. That former god does not matter.

What matters is him and Lumine while the rest of the world could go crash and burn, he thinks.

--☆☆☆--

"Tough day at work?"

Childe sidles up to her side, wrapping an arm around the apron-covered waist of his beloved. He kisses her temple with reverence—for it is what she deserves.

"Not really. It was just Mr. Zhongli. And others. Being annoyingly repetitive as always." He grumbles, tucking her head under his chin.

The small hand resting atop his chest tightens against his clothes.

"Do they... not approve of me?" She asks almost inaudibly.

He was quick to deny the preposterous thought.

"Don't listen to them. They do not matter, girlie."

Childe feels her shift and he looks down at her.

Golden pools decorated by the glittering of stars—of tears, he realizes, meet his abyssal depths.

"Are you... are you going to leave me?"

He brushes the hair out of her forehead and tucks the strays behind her ears before promptly brushing away the tears that cascaded from her eyes.

"Never. You are mine, Lumine. As much as I am yours."

Even the sweetest wine cannot compare to the smile that adorns her face after his declaration. She buries her head on his chest once more, arms crossing behind him, bestowing him with nothing else but warmth.

Childe thinks for a second, that this moment is perhaps the best there is in the world. And he knows he is ruined for anything else.

It is impossible to feel anything akin to this feeling and he strongly believes that the desire to even experience it from others aside his princess does not exist anymore.

--☆☆☆--

The sound of deliberate knocking at the door rouses the harbinger from his sleep. Childe growls in annoyance at whoever is behind that piece of wood as he untangles his limbs from the goddess laying beside him.

He kisses the top of her head before deciding to rise and check who their visitor is.

He stills when the one in front of his humble abode makes himself known.

Zhongli, of course.

"Mr. Zhongli, why the early visit?"

The man only hums before crossing his arms, pinning him with a serious gaze.

"May I come in, Childe?"

"Ah, of course."

He lets him in and ushers the former archon to the couch. Upon sitting, the latter immediately scans his surroundings with vague concern in his eyes.

"I must say, your house is surprisingly empty and devoid of life, Childe."

"What do you mean? I think it's pretty homey. Lumine designed it by herself when she first got here."

A frown makes its way to the other man's lips.

"Childe, can we talk?"

He stiffens, tone changing into a defensive one.

"We are talking, are we not?" He spats.

"Why don't you ask Lumine to come down here with us?"

He summons one of his water blades.

"Why exactly are you here, Zhongli?"

"Call Lumine, Childe."

In a flash, the water blade comes in contact with the polearm that materialized in front of the visitor.

"Why. Are. You. Here?" He asks, hostile in every way as he accents each word with a swing of his blade—all thankfully parried.

"I need you to understand, Childe." Zhongli calls forth a jade shield that rattled even the sturdy walls of the other man's home.

A water spear slams against the shield.

"That Lumine..."

Yet another side step, perfectly timed to avoid the beast cloaked in water suddenly crackling with electricity.

"Stop it!" It yells.

But Zhongli is not known for being gentle. The wrath of the rock and the harsh truth—both must be laid out for him to save the monster disguised as a man.

"Is no longer with us."

A beat passes.

"She's gone, Childe. And you must accept that fact."

"No!"

And like that, the man surges forward with the fury enough to fuel wars.

The walls crumble and the terrified shrieks of townsfolk in the immediate vicinity sound off but Childe could no longer care.

Him and Lumine. The rest of the world does not matter.

His mind goes blank with nothing but white hot anger, and he brandishes his weapon with renewed vigor.

"Take it back." He quietly demands, voice distorted.

Instead of complying, multiple stone steles rise up from the pavement, obscuring the two men from prying eyes.

"Everyone grieves for her departure, I assure you. We are hurt as much as you are." A water blade makes contact with the archon's cheek and he winces as response, "but she chose to sacrifice herself for this world's peace and she will not be happy if she sees you rotting away to your demise, Childe."

"You—you don't know anything! Do not lie! Lumine..." A crack in his composition and Zhongli is quick to take advantage of it.

All at once, like a puppet with strings cut off, Childe falls forward when Zhongli's polearm strikes down his chest. The accumulated hunger and fatigue from weeks of barely holding on to her memory suddenly come crashing down upon his person.

Empty plates and sweet nothings.

Cold bed and pristine kitchen.

Unused scarf with the color of the skies and the clouds—like the view he's witnessing right now.

Stare into the abyss, and it stares back at you—its remnants staying within, slowly consuming that which it latches on to.

The abyss is no more—or so he believes.

"Lumine... she promised me." he whispers into the wind.

The rustling of cloth distracts him from his thoughts.

"Do not lean too close to that edge, Childe. I beg you, not as your friend, but as Lumine's—please, do stay with us."

Before his eyes closed, he heard the call from the deep dark abyss of the waters.

The sea is calm. And he couldn't care less about the rest of the world.

Him and Lumine, he thinks. Him and Lumine.

#genshin impact #childe x lumine #genshin impact fanfiction #chilumi

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huihuiheart · 4 years ago

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D&D Series Pt 4 - For the Crown

Summary: Heading into the haunted forest might not have been the wisest of choices for the escaping trio. Especially, when things don’t go according to plan and hard choices have to be made, the prince’s secrets are revealed, and a mischievous ‘little’ figure appears.

Pairing: F! Reader x Dark Prince! Hyunjin

Warnings: Injury, blood, falling off horses, kidnapping (kind of), use of magical abilities, unprotected sex, dom/sub themes, brat taming, spanking, biting, teasing, marking, bondage, degradation, overstimulation, hair pulling (giving and receiving), fingering, oral, heartbreak (kinda), betrayal.

Note: Series will be on a semi-hiatus until I am caught up with the special stuff you’ll see dropping on the 28th!

Word Count: 6,518

Previous Part ______ Next Part

You had never been one to truly fear something that was haunted, but seeing how everything else in this world had made you a little uneasy about racing into the haunted forest like this. Mostly due to the fact that you were unsure what to expect, fearing the unknown more than anything else in this strange world. You had no time to contemplate it, though, as you followed behind Chan and Felix, needing to get away before Hyunjin and his men could catch up to you. Not knowing what might happen if you were caught, again, if he was as cruel as you had heard that he was, who knew what kind of future you would have if you were not able to get away. Tree branches lashing out in an attempt to snag you as you raced in, letting the boys lead the way as you had no idea where you were going or what to do if you came face to face with a threat in the forest. The deeper in you got, though, the harder it became to keep up. The other two were easily far more experienced riders than you. They could effortlessly navigate through, while you struggled to follow, it only became worse as a heavy fog rolled in. Chan and Felix, occasionally calling out to you to ensure you were following behind them, though while they could still make out your outline, they did not grow too concerned, unlike your current doubts.

Hyunjin had no hesitations about following your group into the forest. His men, on the other hand, came to a swift halt at the edge of the forest, causing Hyunjin to turn to look over the anxious men who were eyeing the forest as if it would reach out and swallow them whole at any second.

“Well? What are you all waiting for?” Hyunjin raises a brow, eyes burning through each and every man that was hesitating before him as his horse trotted along the edge of the forest.

“H-Highness, all due respect, but are we actually going to go into the haunted forest? Y-You much have heard the very same stories as we have about the things that happen to anyone that enters.” One of his men stuttered out, uncertain what he feared more, the forest or the prince’s wrath.

“I have, and that’s all they are....stories...myths. I do not fear anything that this forest holds, I have been through and back more times than anyone else and have yet to face any true danger, but if I am the only one. Then I guess I will just have to retrieve the princess myself.” Hyunjin huffs before guiding his horse to turn back towards the forest and racing off in the direction that you three had gone in only moments ago. Seeing shadows in the distance, fog blurring the details of their forms, but they were moving nonetheless, and that was all he needed to know to determine that he had found those whom he was tracking.

The men you followed were sure you knew what you were doing, after years of training that the princess must have had in riding. Yet you, you were no princess... you had appeared in this world with no warning and such a lack of experience in this area that you truly struggled at this moment. Hope was not yet lost though, as long as they remained in sight, you would likely find your way out of this forest alive. Your heart starts to beat in time with the pounding of hooves, though not those of your horse, the ones slowly gaining on you from behind, a single, distinct set. Something you attempted to speed up and away from, wanting the safety of being closer to the men you were traveling with. It seemed futile, though, as the same entrancing blue speck of light from the forest dances before your horse now, starting him into bucking you off with a startled yelp before racing off in the opposite direction and directly towards the figure chasing you. Chan and Felix’s shadows disappearing within a matter of seconds into the thickening fog before you, only allowing you to hear their distant calls to you. Something you would have returned if your chest wasn’t currently radiating pain after the wind got knocked out of you during the fall. A thick liquid, feeling running down your forehead from your hairline, but you hurt too much to bring your hand up to see what it was. Barely able to lift your eyes enough to see a figure approaching as the fog clears around him, slowing down at the sight of you, before stopping. Your eyes feel heavy as you try to remain conscious, knowing it could be a danger that those approaching feet hold, it seems confirmed as the figure crouches over you and finally shows you their face...Hyunjin...

“You took a nasty fall princess, just go to sleep. I’ll get you someplace safe and fix you up.” Hyunjin, gently stroked over your hair, his words seemingly casting a spell on you, finally making you give in to the looming darkness. Hyunjin lifting you carefully onto his horse before heading towards a cabin that he already knew, was hidden among these very woods.

Chan and Felix coming to a halt and panicking as they no longer heard or saw you following. Turning back to look for any sign of you, only finding some blood and then further back your horse alone. Panic setting in as they were unsure what to do.

“Felix head to the kingdom and give them this map, I’m going after Y/N!” Chan insisted, holding the valuable item out to him, causing Felix’s eyes to widen and him to scoff.

“You can’t be serious, they would never let me anywhere near the castle. No one there knows me! You have to take it! I swear to you on my life, I’ll find her and get her back safely.” Felix shakes his head, refusing to take it and sticking Chan in a predicament. Could he trust Felix to find and save you? At the same time, Felix had a point though there was no way they would let Felix in without someone familiar with him. Making the situation only further complicated as he tried to think of what would be best.

___

The first thing you were able to do was groan about the throbbing pain radiating in your head as you regained consciousness. Feeling something cool and damp gently prodding at where the thick liquid had previously originated and eased the pain some. Hearing Hyunjin clicks his tongue disapprovingly as your stirring starts to cause too much movement.

“Hold still, or you’ll make your injuries worse. I’m trying to help, but I can’t do that if you don’t cooperate.” Hyunjin’s words were firm and would almost come off as harsh if there wasn’t a certain fondness in them. Your eyes slowly squinting and blinking as they tried to open again despite the heaviness still present until you could see Hyunjin sat beside you. His form leaned over yours, gently dabbing the blood off your head injury and other scratches he could find.

“Where are we?” Your eyes fluttered around the room, it seeming much smaller than what could be expected at the castle, much quieter as well. Finding it odd that Hyunjin seemed so at home in such an abandoned-looking place such as this, moving between you and the medical supplies a few feet away as if it were second nature.

“We are still in the woods, in a small cabin. You are not really in any condition to travel right now, so I brought you here to care for you. Once I finish this, I’ll make us something to eat so you can rest and recover. However, you may not have that much energy for a few days.” Hyunjin explains before gently pressing over your sides and abdomen, trying to feel for any further injuries, “Does it hurt anywhere when I do this?”

You give a soft shake of your head, blushing a little at his caring nature, "It doesn't my back is a little sore, but I think that was because of how hard I landed on it. Mostly just that and my head, though.”

Hyunjin nods, “Well your head is already bandaged up, though it might bleed through, so I’ll likely have to change it a few times. As for your back, I’d like to check that and your ribs further, but I promise to provide you with decency. I can give you a shirt, something I can lift enough to see while keeping the rest covered. If you’re feeling up to getting it on, that is. I could unlace you and help you sit up. If you don’t feel up to it, I can try to think of something else.”

“I think I can change myself just fine if I have that bit of help.” You agree to allow him to help you roll over so his fingers can gently unlace and loosen your corset top before turning you back around to help you sit up. Once it was loose enough, he wasn’t worried about it doing further damage. Hyunjin helping you to sit with pillows propped behind you. Going over to a drawer and pulling out some pants and a loose shirt to sit beside you on the bed. Your confusion must have been evident on your face because he chuckles when he looks at you again.

“You have questions, don’t you princess?” Hyunjin inquires, humming as you nod. He heads towards the door to give you privacy as he answers you, “When we’ve finished this and eaten, I’ll answer all your questions...Call me when you’re decent again. I’ll be right outside, okay?”

You nod, letting him go while doing your best to change out of the trapping dress you’d been stuck in for so long. It is a relief to have some clothes that allowed you to move more freely. Even if not for the best reason or if it was the easiest with your current injuries.

“You can come back in Hyunjin.” You eventually call, slowly trying to ease yourself back onto the bed again, something Hyunjin rushes over to assist you with doing.

“I can look yes?” Hyunjin asks, looking to you for confirmation once again, waiting for your nod before continuing. His fingers, slowly pushing your shirt up to expose your abdomen, only touching your skin when he has to, so he would not make you uncomfortable. Careful with his touch as well, pressing gently on the bruises that are exposed, to make sure that’s all they are before gently pulling your shirt back down, to help you roll over and do the same with your back. After he has checked you over, he helps you lay on your back again, tucking you in to stay warm.

“Everything looks alright, only surface stuff other than your head. I think you’ll be alright, though, if you simply rest. I’ll go make you something to eat, but if you need anything, just call me.” Hyunjin brushes your hair out of your face in one last fleeting touch before he’s gone.

You know you should be trying to rest, being left alone with your thoughts though you find yourself unable to. So many questions coming to mind and making your thoughts race with possible answers. Wondering why others would paint such a horrid picture of Hyunjin when here he was acting like this. More than that, though, why did Hyunjin seem so at home here? Someplace so normal looking, unlike where royalty typically stayed, and in the middle of not just any forest, but a haunted one. Deciding to test your luck, you move to get out of bed. Unable to take it any longer, needing to start getting answers before you completely lose your mind.

“If you’re going to try and sneak out, you should just be aware that my horse doesn’t take kindly to strangers...and I don’t think you want to take another fall like you just had,” Hyunjin speaks calmly, without turning to you though. Only adding to your confusion as you wonder how he picked up on your nearly silent movements.

“I’m not trying to leave........not yet anyways. I want answers first because I’m quite thoroughly confused right now...though I can’t make promises in regards to later.” You respond as you move closer. Hyunjin turns towards you with a slightly scolding look as he moves over to gently pull out a chair for you.

“I promised you answers. You shouldn’t have gotten out of bed. You could make yourself worse.” Hyunjin tsks softly, his attitude whinier and brat-like though. Him showing you what you more so expected from the spoiled, dark prince.

“Well, I couldn’t rest without answers, so it seems what would be best for both of us would be if you just let me ask now.” You shrug, earning a soft sigh from Hyunjin, who mumbles some excuse about needing to cook, “I won’t interfere with that. Just let me ask, and you can take all the time you need to answer. It’ll put me at ease, though.”

Hyunjin glances over his shoulder at you for a moment, debating with himself before he turns to face you again. Snapping his fingers, the spoon he had been stirring the food with moves on its own now as he steps over. Leaning on the counter across from you and motioning for you to go ahead with your questions.

“Why do you seem so familiar with this place? It doesn’t seem like the kind of place a prince would consider home...”You’re brows furrow as Hyunjin chuckles quietly, licking his lips.

“Well, as you might have noticed, princess. There are things I can do that humans can’t. Magic I hold, that your kind doesn’t. Just because I have it, though, doesn’t mean that I automatically know how to use it, though. I had to learn. I still have to learn and practice, I never did well in the group, however. I was too volatile. So every year, I would be sent away to find a place alone to practice. It didn’t matter how long I was gone for as long as I didn’t come back before learning something. I stumbled across this place one year and decided after that to keep coming back here every time as I learned how to control my magic, I was able to make it a little homier.” Hyunjin explains, being what you considered oddly open about his past. Though you appreciated the fact that he was at least seeming genuine with you, despite not being sure what exactly to expect from him, “I’m guessing that’s not all you’re curious about?”

"No, I'm wondering why you're caring for me like this? The wedding isn't my choice after all, so why didn't you just drag me back? Why do you care?" Your question comes out soft-spoken yet bleeding with genuine curiosity, and Hyunjin hums.

"My intent was never to harm you. In fact, under other circumstances, I wouldn't be doing this to you either. I would have tried to get your attention in another way, princess. However, I'm sure you know we can not always do what we want in our positions. For the sake of my people, I will do what I must. I'm sorry if that, in turn, brings you more pain than it already has. I have no desire to be cruel, though." Hyunjin insists, gently reaching out to brush his thumb over your cheek before getting up to physically return to the cooking, "Here, it's done, you should eat before we talk anymore. It'll give you time to process what you've learned so you won't be overwhelmed."

You nod, appreciating the logic at least of what he says, knowing you would have more time while you recovered to question him about other things. Your body was weak from all that your body had faced throughout the day. Humming at the taste of the food, Hyunjin had made, it was already energizing you some and making you feel much better.

"We'll likely stay here at least two days to allow enough time to be sure that your head especially is okay before we start to travel." Hyunjin informs after you finished, moving to help you stand up again, leading you back towards the bedroom, "I'll let you take the bedroom while I'm down here."

"Let me guess if I need anything just call you?" You tease him lightly as you accept his help under the covers again. Having to hold back your giggles as you see his skin flush a light pink.

"Well as I said, I mean you no harm....and in other circumstances, I would have preferred to try and win over your heart instead of this," Hyunjin speaks the quietest he has all day, feeling shy at the admission. He's not impossibly shy, however, as he leans down to kiss your forehead as he tucks you in, "I hope to see you in the morning Y/N."

The way he says your name instead of calling you by a title tugs at your heart. Hearing the yearning in his voice, his feelings seeming genuine. The way Hyunjin was so caring and yet so considerate of your feelings thinking that his own was entirely one-sided, making your heart hurt for him. You're too tired tonight to try and bring him comfort, already drifting off into your world of exhaustion, not able to stay up in an attempt to sneak out even if you felt you needed to. After questioning Hyunjin some, you didn't see the need to try and escape from him. Not understanding the dangers that the others saw in him. His heart, seeming pure, even if the way he went about things wasn't always so innocent. His concern, showing through again the next morning. When you woke to him bringing you breakfast in bed, helping you to sit up. You watched curiously as he silently left you to eat alone, you taking the privacy to clean yourself up a little as well. Hyunjin is back in the room when you step out of the bathroom again, looking up at you with wide eyes looking over you like he’s checking if you’re okay.

“I’m fine Hyunjin, nothing to worry about.” You try to reassure him with a small smile, him returning it with a tender smile of his own. He offers you his hand, guiding you to sit on the bed as he stands to bring the medical supplies over beside you.

“I’m going to clean up your head again and just make sure it’s okay,” Hyunjin explains as he reaches out to delicately undo the bandaging he’d put on the night before, not wanting to hurt you or anything. He tries to make quick work of cleaning and rebandaging it. The bandage was already smaller than the day before. His hands shake slightly, though, feeling an odd type of nervous knowing your gaze was on his face the whole time.

“Hyunjin? Do you love me?” You finally find yourself asking the question that’s haunted you since he started to care for you. Hyunjin’s skin flushing brightly at the question blinking at you in shock at the bluntness.

“S-Something like that yes, t-though I know it’s not what you want, princess.” His words are joined with that longing stare once again. His hand, reaching out to brush your hair behind your ear. The sad smile on his face was replaced with surprise as you grab his hand softly in yours before his touch could fade entirely.

“Who says?” You inquire softly, looking into his eyes without hesitation and using your grip to gently tug him closer until you can press your lips to his. Your arms, slipping around his neck to prevent him from running away from the kiss and you.

Hyunjin is stunned for a moment, entirely frozen as he processes what is happening before he returns your kiss. Soon, taking over as he puts more force into the kiss, letting his longing take over, controlling his actions. He nibbles on your lower lip slightly when he finally pulls away, looking at you with darkened eyes as his arms slip around to cradle you and gently lay you back, mindful of your injuries.

“And you were still going to leave me anyway?” He growls lightly, not letting you answer before his mouth is on yours again. His actions fueled by just a hint of anger, “Knew you were a spoiled, fucking brat, princess.”

You feel the shift in the air, dominance shifting to Hyunjin, who looks down at you with a darkened gaze. A smirk adorning his face as you squirm slightly beneath him, flustering as heat rises to your cheeks. His actions are not what you would have expected out of him after the way he had been acting the last 24 hours, but you weren't going to complain about them either.

“In a way, you are lucky you’re hurt doll, means I’ll go easy on you tonight. Of course, you’ll still be punished, considering you made me think you didn’t care about me, and you ran away.” Hyunjin tsks as his tone and touch teases you, running the faintest trail over your sides, “What will I do with you, pretty girl?”

“You talk like you aren’t a spoiled brat yourself.” You remark back, grinning up at him in response. Your inner brat proud of the fact that you showed no hesitance in your response, despite his heated stare, “Maybe I should be the one punishing you right now, little prince~”

You watch Hyunjin visibly bristle at your condescending tone, hand smacking your clothed thigh just enough to give a slight sting, before he’s gripping them tightly, “That’s cute, you thinking that pretty, little mouth of yours can get away with saying whatever. We both know that even if I gave you control, though, you would have no idea what to do with it, princess.”

Hyunjin’s fingers dance over your inner thighs before gripping at the hem of the shirt you were wearing. He pushed it up slowly, much like he had when looking over your injuries, though this time, his fingers brushed delicately over your skin as he did. Pulling it off entirely and letting you do the same with his before picking up on your smug expression again and raising a brow.

“You say that like you’re in control right now.” You mock him as his gentle nature shows through again, baiting him into doing worse if he dared, “Please, little prince, we both know you are too soft to actually do anything to me.”

Hyunjin hums, licking his lips as he eyes your form, “Maybe, you are right, princess.” He leans down to kiss over the expanse of your neck, gently until reaching your collarbone, where he bites down. Sucking and kissing over to leave a blooming mark and make you moan, squirming beneath him, “ But then again...maybe you’re wrong.”

You mew, feeling heat pool in your gut, you know Hyunjin would easily pick up on that if he looks at your panties. He is in no rush currently, though, leaving a trail of marks leading towards your cleavage, letting your arousal build over time. Willing to take as much time as it takes to see you finally snap, wanting you to fold and beg for him. You expect him to take your bra off next with how he teases marks along the hem of it, but he doesn’t. Instead, he chooses to move lower, creating marks leading down to the hem of the pants you’re wearing. His fingers, working to undo the tie on them, while his mouth works to distract you. Only, letting register what he had done when he was already tugging them down your legs, spreading them and exposing your soiled panties, only making him lick his lips in anticipation. He would have to wait for that still, as your resolve stayed strong yet. Something Hyunjin was not having any part of as he kissed your thigh, trailing marks lower, until he left one last fleeting kiss to your ankle before working his way up the other leg, never speeding up his actions. He knew it was a waiting game, a matter of whose patience would give out, and he was determined to win. After all, he had been a patient man thus far, holding back the whole time his feelings grew he could wait a little longer if it meant getting what he wanted. You, on the other hand, weren’t prepared to endure this level of teasing, ignorant to the possibility of the events currently unfolding before today.

Hyunjin practically beamed against your inner thigh, locking eyes with you when he heard your soft restless huff, “You seem eager, princess. You know you could get what you want. Well, if you start acting like a good girl.”

Your eyes narrow into a glare at his mockery, still not learning your lesson. Still finding his tactics too soft to tame your brat, she was masochist after all. “Why don’t you fucking make me then? If you even can.”

Hyunjin seems surprisingly calm at your remark this time, climbing over your form and slipping a hand around to unclasp your bra as soon as it’s off, an invisible force pulls your hands up towards the bed frame, securing them there. “You talk a lot of crap for someone whose panties have been soaked this whole time, princess. Your mouth might say one thing, but your body says another.”

"Fuck you, Hyunjin." You hiss, glare sharpening, and yet it still doesn't faze Hyunjin in the least. If anything, it makes him chuckle, finding it cute that you think you are going to be able to intimidate him.

"Oh, you could, sweetheart, if you would only cooperate." Hyunjin flicks his tongue over your nipple, loving how you gasp and wiggle again. What doesn't make him so pleased is when you start trying to squirm away so that he would not have so much control over you, wanting to hold out longer. Hyunjin, nipping at your bud with a warning growl of your name, making you shudder at the promise the rasp of it held. Your body, submitting on its own and letting the man tease your breasts, taking his time as he alternates between them much as he had done with the rest of your body.

"All you are is a tease, Hyunjin. A tease playing like he's a firm hand-" Your quip gets cut off by his hand slapping down against your clothed pussy without any warning.

"You think I'm playing princess? No. I simply know your game. You enjoy being punished. You like the pain...which is why you won't get that. Not unless you beg for it just like anything else you want from me, even if I have to tease you all night for that to happen." Hyunjin shrugs before moving between your legs to lick over the wet patch, moaning against your panties at the taste. Just a hint of the feeling passing through and letting your mind race with all the possibilities of what could happen if you just gave in already, the fact that he wouldn't even punish you the way you wanted without a beg driving you mad.

"Fine, fine, you win Hyunjin. Just stop with all the goddamn teasing already." You whimper, hips lifting slightly, and Hyunjin dares to laugh at your desperation. Hooking his fingers on your panties to drag them down and flick his tongue over your clit before circling it relentlessly.

"I don't know, princess. It didn't seem to me like you meant that. Why don't you try again? And this time, try to be a tad more convincing little girl." Hyunjin nips at your most sensitive parts, making you mewl again at finally another twinge of painful pleasure.

"I'm begging, aren't I Hyunjin? This is what you wanted, isn't it? For me to beg for you? Well, now that I am. So can't you just fucking ruin me?" You almost wish you could smack him as he pulls away, but the next second you are sighing in relief as you're flipped onto your knees, ass on display for him. Hyunjin's hands move to knead the flesh, almost aggressively despite not even being the part intending to bring you pain.

"Oh, I'll ruin so much princess, you won't be the only thing, though. No. I intend to fuck you so well that even if you go to another man, you'll think about me and how good I was instead. I intend to fuck you so well that you crave me the same way I've craved having you like this for so long now." Hyunjin emphasizes his words with the first smack to your backside, "Though if that doesn't happen tonight, then I guess I'll just have to try again and again until it does."

Your body is practically buzzing with anticipation at this point after such a long build-up, unable to do anything but moan as Hyunjin finally gives in, delivering blow after delicious blow to your ass. Increasing the strength behind them as he sees you can take more and loving how color blooms across your skin, the flesh bruising in beautiful marks that you'll be sure to feel for days after. His touch, leaving your ass to collect the wetness that’s seeping down the plush of your thighs, before lightly patting your pussy and watching how you clench around nothing with a dark chuckle and another hard spank.

“What’s this? Are you going to cum around nothing? After acting like I couldn’t even do anything? Tsk, are you really that pathetic princess?” Hyunjin acts disappointed, but the way his cock throbs in his pants tells an entirely different story, “Go on then, tell me how unaffected you are with that bratty little mouth while your body tells me the truth. While this little pussy tells me how slutty you are, begging me to fuck you until you can’t say anything other than my name.”

Hyunjin gives you that final push you need to go over the edge by slapping your pussy, watching how it pulses for a moment before two fingers find your clit, and ride you through your high. His skilled fingers, not letting up even after your orgasm has run its course. Your attempts to squirm away mean nothing as more invisible ties lock around your form, holding you in place to take all that Hyunjin is giving you. Hyunjin’s curls two fingers into you, searching for the spot that would have you quaking beneath him, wanting to make you fall apart over and over because of what he can do to you. His plump lips, leaning down to press against your spine, not even willing to leave that part of you unmarked, his fingers drilling into you relentless against your most sensitive spots as soon as he found them. His hand, weaving into your hair to pull your face up, out of the mattress, freeing your sounds.

“Don’t you try to hide from me, princess. You wanted to run that smart mouth of yours, so now you’re going to show just how wrong you were with every perfect fucking sound you make, whether it be from your lips or your cunt.” Hyunjin’s own impatience showed in the form of his bulge, pressed against your prettied ass, grinding in time with the thrusts of his fingers, egging you on, “Do you think you will have earned this cock once you’ve cum on my fingers, princess? Be honest?”

“I-I’ve earned it whenever you say I have, b-but I want it so bad...p-please Hyunjin.” Your words show how much you have really slipped into a submissive role for him. Hyunjin’s ego growing at your words, loving every second of them.

“You sound so pretty whining my name like that little girl.” Hyunjin slips in soft praise as a result of your obedience, “Go on then princess, earn it. Fucking cum for me again, make a mess of my fingers just like you would my dick.”

His words only further tightening the knot in your stomach until it snaps, making you tremble beneath him with each scorching wave of pleasure. It, numbing you to the point where all you knew for a few moments, was Hyunjin’s fingers thrusting into your, riding you through the intense feeling. Feeling as if the bonds have loosened, Hyunjin laying you onto your back again, brushing away tears you didn’t even know were there and giving you a moment to catch your breath.

“You alright?” He questions, caring side returning as he places a sweet yet fleeting kiss to your lips, looking over your face carefully.

“Hyunjin I did not spend all that time begging for you not to fuck me now, if it’s too much I’ll tell you. Otherwise, you better get the fuck on with it before I actually lose it.” You insist, already gently tugging him between your spread legs. Barely giving him enough time to free his cock, before trying to get him inside of you. Only then do you feel the binds slipping around your thighs to hold you still and open for him while he fully removes his clothes and teases your entrance with his tip for a moment before pushing in. His arms on either side of you, watching as your face scrunches with pleasure and relief as he stretches you open. Hyunjin, groaning softly, when he bottoms out, feeling you tight around him. You take advantage of the fact that your hands are free, seeing Hyunjin’s dark locks fall over his face, to push them away, and let you see his face as well. Feeling you tug at his hair, pulling him closer, he kisses you while giving a quick, hard thrust to tease you while swallowing your pretty little noises. Hyunjin, biting down on your bottom lip and tugging it as he pulls away, giving slower, shallow thrusts.

“Look at you, princess. You can’t stay still. Is it just too much for you to handle? Or is it not enough?” Hyunjin muses, knowing you want him to pound into you, and that you would try to take control if you could move more freely, he lets you tug at his hair though, keeping the tidbit of control you did have, making him bare his neck to you so you can leave matching marks on him. That is all you could do anyways, too far gone to answer, not that you would know what to say anyway, seeing as how it was somehow both too much and too little. All of your senses lit with bright licks of flaming pleasure, while deep down, you wanted to fuel them even more at a quicker pace.

“Just be a good girl with your words one last time, princess, and I promise I’ll give you everything baby.” Hyunjin’s fingers skim over the trail of marks he left behind before rubbing circles onto your clit. Letting each movement bring you enough pleasure to make your head spin, but still not enough to give you the relief you thirsted for.

Your fingers weave through his hair, tugging again, “Hyunjin, I’m giving you all of me, so take it already, please. You already have me falling apart from barely anything, so show me the worst you can do.”

Hyunjin chuckles, placing a kiss on your jaw before picking up the pace. Holding nothing back down as he gave in to the desires both of you had, letting pleasure overtake you both. “Oh, I will, princess. You’re in for a long night.”

You had expected to wake up besides Hyunjin the next morning, after falling asleep in his arms the night before. Something seemed off though when you fully registered what was going on the next morning, and finding an empty bed and the surrounding area eerily quiet, slipping a shirt on to quietly peek out of the room to see if Hyunjin was simply cooking breakfast again, which he was. That wasn’t all you noticed, though, a glass orb placed delicately on the counter by Hyunjin and swirling with colors as Hyunjin spoke to it.

“No, I’m not letting my feelings get the better of me. No matter what my feelings are for the princess, I know what the most important thing here is.” Hyunjin huffs at the little glass piece, your heart sinking as you realize he’s talking about you.

“So she has the map then? You can bring both her and it back so we can finally get on with this?” A woman’s voice echo’s through, making your eyes widen, though there is no face to make out and let you see who it could be.

“She doesn’t, but we need her either way. Besides, the ones with the map will come back for her as soon as they realize I have her again, let them come to us instead of wasting our time searching every hiding spot for them.” Hyunjin shrugs, tasting the food, still unaware of your listening in from the bedroom doorway, only barely peeking out so that you could hide again if necessary.

“Very well, just don’t let your heart jeopardize this after all we’ve done and given up. More than a crush or not, if she gets in the way and you won’t deal with it...then I will.” The woman speaks one last time before the orb stops going. You take that as your cue to slip back into the bedroom.

Sure, Hyunjin’s feelings for you were apparently genuine, or at the least for the princess form of you. That didn’t make this acceptable, though. He was obviously up to something now, and there was no way around it, and he was willing to use you to lure Chan and Felix right back in and give him what he wanted. That being something that you simply could not allow. You scour through the clothes in the cabin, finding something you can move freely in, before slowly creaking the window open to look outside. You step away to sneak another look at Hyunjin to ensure that he was still occupied with food. Before carefully climbing out the window and closing it behind you. Sneaking off into the woods, worried first about being quiet and not giving yourself away before just bolting. Not entirely sure how you’d find Chan and Felix, but knowing that you certainly couldn’t do it if Hyunjin caught you again. The dazzling blue light, appearing for a third time now. Twirling around you before leading the way off until reaching a small stream and disappearing, leaving you to look around curiously until it flashes before your eyes again and turning into a person, not just any person though...you’d finally found Jisung.

#DnD series #hyunjin #hyunjin imagine #skz hyunjin smut #hyunjin smut #stray kids #stray kids hyunjin #stray kids imagine #stray kids smut

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gemmaswriting · 4 years ago

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Anidala Fanfiction Recommendations!!

I’ve been asked for a long time for my fanfiction recommendations, so I’ve finally taken the time to compile them. If there are any you love that I missed out (this includes Vaderdala!) leave them as a reply so we can all have a good time reading together.

Writer: Shelivesfree (fanfiction profile) This wonderful girl has some of the most amazing Anidala stories I have ever had the pleasure of reading. Unfortunately, a lot of them have been hiatus for a while but her Boy Next Door trilogy has two amazing parts completed.

The stories I recommend:

“The Boy Next Door”: “When Padme Naberrie returns to her home after 10 years, the last thing she expects to find is her childhood friend, Anakin Skywalker; the boy next door. But 10 years is a long time, and he has changed more than she is prepared for. How will she react when little Ani is now a grown man, impulsive, handsome and completely infatuated with her? Modern AU.”

“The Girl from Harvard”: “Sequel to ‘The Boy Next Door’ Absence makes the heart grow fonder. It also makes it grow more paranoid. Padme is in her last year of Harvard. Anakin has just started at the University of Chicago. Though they won't admit it, their long-distance relationship is taking it's heavy toll. Will their love prevail or will the distance prove too much for both of them? Sequel to The Boy Next Door. Modern AU.”

“look into my eyes, that's where my demons hide”: ”Each time he comes back to her, a little piece of him is missing... left out there, in the field, with his brothers. She can see it in the way he smiles and it doesn't reach his eyes. In the way he cries to himself when he thinks she's not awake. And all she can do is hold him. Modern AU.”

“I Know Your Type” “Am I dead?" It slips out, accidentally. She turns her head towards me, a confused look on her face and tips her head. "Excuse me?" Flashing her an impish grin, I lean casually against the wall. "I must have died and gone to heaven, because you look like an angel." The look she gives me is far from impressed. "Do you use that with all the girls, or am I just lucky?"

“we both know what we want, so why don't we fall in love?” “Rhythmic Gymnast Padme Naberrie has dreamed of being an Olympian since she was five years old. Now, after years and years of training and preparations, she's finally made it to Rio, and nothing is going to stand in the way between her and a gold medal. Except a certain Canadian beach volleyball player, perhaps.”

“Infinite” “ My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite.”

“for a moment” “And, just for a moment, all the worries and concerns that troubled the young couple cease to exist. Fade away to just this. Husband and wife. Asleep. Dreaming of the sweet little life they will soon bring into the world and into their hearts. Set somewhere in ROTS.”

“Procrastination” “Padmé is busy with a new bill she must bring before the next Senate meeting. Her husband has other ideas, it would seem.”

“There’s a million reasons I should give you up” “Padmé struggles to deal with Anakin's frequent departures for weeks, even months, at a time during the Clone Wars. It's in these moments she contemplates the practicality of their marriage. Grief-stricken with loneliness, she stumbles across something she wrote a long time ago... a list of sorts. The find brings about a whole host of emotions she'd rather not deal with.”

“all I need is you” “It was her fault. His pain, his jealousy, his insecurity. It was all her fault. Padme looked up at the beautiful man in front of her, her husband, her Ani, and decided she needed to make him remember. Remind him of how much she loved him. Because no one, no man in the entire galaxy, could take the place of Anakin Skywalker.”

“Her” “A glimpse into the Cosmic Force after Darth Vader's redemption and return to the Light Side. Anakin Skywalker is consumed by guilt and Obi-wan and Yoda are there to appease him. But it's been twenty-four years and all he wants is to see her.”

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Writer: SphinxScribe (Fanfiction profile/ Tumblr account @sphinxscribe ) This fantastic writer has many, many alternate takes on the plot of Revenge of the Sith - often allowing our favourite couple to have a happy ending. Their writing captures the world of Star Wars perfectly.

The stories I recommend:

“Where Catalysts Stand Down” “Palpatine issues Order 66, and Anakin and Padmé flee Coruscant. ROTS AU. Anakin/Padmé, Anidala.”

“Viability’s Edge” “Anakin tells Obi-Wan the truth. ROTS AU. Anakin/Padmé, Anidala.”

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Writer: Disco Shop Girl (Fanfiction profile) This writer’s take on Anidala is so well written within every story of theirs I have read. They truly capture their dynamic and relationship perfectly.

The stories I recommend:

“Your helmet cracked” “He'd been restrained, forced to watch while her helmet cracked and the Mon Calamari sea water threatened to drown her before his eyes. Now they're free. And alone. Set at the end of the Clone Wars season 4 Water War arc.”

“Order 66-S” “The order was to exterminate all Jedi: Past, Present and Future. Captain Rex has a different plan. Order 66-S: to save General Skywalker.”

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Writer: Rogue Darth Skywalker (Fanfiction profile/ Tumblr - @roguedarthskywalker) This wonderful person has been one of the biggest supporters of my own writing for a long time and I value them immensely! They have many delicious Anidala/Vaderdala stories for you to obsess over for hours and hours. I highly recommend following both profiles linked above.

The stories I recommend:

“Pin up Problems” “He hated the nose art. He hated seeing others degrade her other exceptional qualities by depicting her as some pin up girl. He hated thinking about how many other beings across the stars fantasized about her in such a way. At the same time, he can't deny that the art makes her look… hot. He can't deny that the sight turns him on.”

“Letting Go” “It was their custom. Every year on that fateful day, Anakin would make his way to the cemetery with his children and seek out the mausoleum where she rested."

“Far from Perfect” “Darth Vader is dead. Anakin is redeemed and lives on Naboo with Padme and their children. But not all happy endings are perfect.”

“Far from Easy” “Sequel to Far From Perfect. Redeemed Anakin Skywalker tries to make things right with his wife and kids.

“Perfect” “Happy Family style AU post ROTS. Padme wakes up in the middle of the night and ponders the most recent events in her life.”

“A Dangerous Fantasy” “Pure Smut. Padme helps Anakin fulfil a fantasy he has had since they were married- one that involves the Jedi Council Chambers.”

“Untitled” “Anakin and Padme deal with having to tell their young twins they are having another baby.”

“Strictly Professional” “There are times she hates that she has to resort to this- that rather than being in a long term relationship with someone, she chose to instead pay someone for sex. Modern AU.”

“Out of his Depth” “I fought in a war. I commanded legions of soldiers against battle droids. I think I can handle my own four-year-old twins."

“Love and Jealousy” “Anakin gave the binders an experimental tug, testing his chances of escaping. There was none. A light chuckle left his lips after a few moments, letting his head fall back to rest on the chair. What a compromising position for a Jedi Knight to be in. Handcuffed in a respected senator's bedchambers practically naked… oh, how the holonews would rave should the story get out!”

“Against all Odds” “He shouldn't be here. The election was only a few weeks away and the final debate was due in the next few days. There were so many other things he should be doing. He shouldn't be here, in enemy territory wrapped in the arms of the woman his boss despised. Modern AU. Smut.”

“What we Hope is Never Found” “The impending existence of a recording of them together held dangers that went a little deeper than if they were found naked and tangled together in her office or on his cruiser. The physical proof of their relationship would cause an uproar if it were discovered. But she trusted Anakin. Smut.”

“It was Found” “Sequel to What We Hope is Never Found.”

“Things that go bump in the night” “Luke and Leia think there is a ghost in their home. Their parents know better.”

“Preparations” “She couldn't wait to meet their little ones. It hadn't been too long since they learned she was having twins, and as stressful as that idea was at first, she was quickly growing accustomed to the idea of having two perfect little babies. Her husband, however, seemed to be taking it a little worse than her.”

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Writer: Skywalkersamidala (Archive of our Own profile/ Tumblr @markantonys) I absolutely adore the Anidala stories created by this author whether they’re aus or canon! They nail the couple’s dynamic throughout their many wonderful stories.

The stories I recommend:

“Snow Place like Home” “For genre-typical convoluted reasons involving ill-timed blizzards, Padmé is forced to spend the holidays at Anakin's house. Anakin isn't as upset about his boss staying with him for Christmas as he probably should be.“

“Soulmates R Us” “Anakin works at a toy store, and single-mother-of-twins Padmé is becoming one of the store's best customers.”

“Heirs of Light and Darkness” “After escaping the Jedi purge two years ago made him the most wanted fugitive in the galaxy, Anakin Skywalker has at last been captured by the Empire. He expects to be killed, but Lady Padmé Amidala, the imperial heir, has other ideas.”

“Friendly Competition” “Playing Quidditch is awfully difficult when you’re in love with the rival Seeker. Snapshots of Anakin and Padmé’s 7 years at Hogwarts.“

“Perfect” “The war is over, Luke and Leia are five years old, and Anakin and Padmé finally have the peaceful life and big family they've always dreamed of. But their life is about to get a little less peaceful and their family a little bigger.“

“Nos Cedamus Amori“ “Anakin is a gladiator and a slave. Padmé is the wife of the Roman emperor's heir. Circumstances should never even allow them to meet, let alone fall in love.“

“I Do Take Two” “Thirty years after their clandestine wedding on Naboo, Anakin and Padmé decide to finally do the proper wedding ceremony they never got to have, with all their friends and family present.“

“Flat Tire” “Who knew something as simple as getting a flat tire could change the entire course of your life?“

“Strays” “Anakin had always had a penchant for taking in strays.”

“Five weddings and a funeral” “Padmé's feeling gloomy about her perpetual singleness, but everything changes when she meets an attractive stranger at her sister's wedding.“

“Pipe Dream” “Padmé's new plumber is the most attractive human being she's ever laid eyes on, so naturally, she keeps faking plumbing emergencies so she can keep seeing him.“

“Birthdays and Birth days” “Anakin gets a birthday surprise — two of them, in fact.“

“Spouses with Benefits” “Anakin and Padmé wake up after a wild night in Vegas and discover they accidentally got married—and that Ahsoka posted about it all over social media, so now every single person they know is texting and calling them to offer congratulations. They decide to save face by pretending the marriage was totally 100% intentional and not a drunk mistake at all, keeping up the charade for six months, and then quietly getting divorced. But a lot can change in six months…“

“Two Halves Make a Whole” “Anakin is the single dad of Luke. Padme is the single mom of Leia. Luke and Leia meet in kindergarten and become best friends. The rest is history.“

“Home” “In which "Darth Vader" is no more than Anakin's playtime alter ego (happy Skywalker family AU)“

“Someday” “At age fourteen, Padme receives a marriage proposal from the nine-year-old boy next door and tells him to ask her again when she's thirty. Surely he'll have forgotten all about it by then.“

“Across the Centuries” “They meet each other in every century, but something always goes wrong before they can make it to happily-ever-after.”

“Madam President” “Between late nights and headaches and mountains of paperwork and fierce opposition from her political opponents, President Padmé Amidala already had enough on her plate. And then she just had to go and fall for one of her bodyguards, a relationship which would ruin her reputation and his career if anyone were to find out about it. Also, someone's trying to kill her.“

“Scars” “How do Anakin and Padmé go from "I love you" to "I do"? Missing scene from Attack of the Clones.”

“The Bet” “Anakin's had a crush on Padmé since fourth grade, and after putting up with his pining for seven years, Obi-Wan and Ahsoka are finally stepping in and making a bet that he can't ask her to junior prom in the spring. Meanwhile, Padmé is realizing that Anakin isn't as annoying as she'd always thought. In fact, her feelings towards him are starting to go in quite the opposite direction...”

“Three” “His and Padmé’s first wedding anniversary isn’t going nearly as well as Anakin had hoped it would. Until, suddenly, it’s so much better than he could have ever imagined.“

“The Anakin Disaster” “Padmé is mortified upon waking up beside her strictly platonic childhood best friend Anakin Skywalker the morning after a drunken one-night stand. A couple weeks later, she discovers that's the least of their problems.“

“Will You Fake Marry Me?” “Anakin's boss may or may not have accidentally given her family the impression that she's engaged to him. Anakin may or may not be pleased about the situation”

“Aggressive Negotiations” “Empress Amidala invites Lord Vader to her private rooms to persuade him to form an alliance with the Empire. Her methods are very effective.”

“Troubling Implications” “Perhaps he hated himself for it—Padmé thought he probably did—but he came that night (several times, in fact). And the night after that, and the next one, and the next, until it became a habit that neither of them seemed especially inclined to break. (Sequel to "Aggressive Negotiations")

“Imperial Obligations” “Padmé's advisors suggest that she get rid of Vader and make a politically advantageous marriage. The Empress is less than pleased. (Sequel to "Aggressive Negotiations" and "Troubling Implications")”

“Welcome Home” “Anakin Skywalker closes his eyes on the face of his son. When he opens them again, he is in Naboo, and someone is waiting for him.“

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Writer: Shawn30 (Fanfiction profile) The one, the only, the deservedly famous! I think every Anidala fan is aware of this f a n t a s t i c writer’s work. Deliciously smutty. Unbelievably well written. Unfortunately, many of their works have been left uncompleted for years but the stories are still worth reading!

“Whisper” “Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but can also whither your soul and breed doubt in your heart. AP angsty erotica.”

“The Ties that Bind” “Given a brief period of time off during the Clone Wars, Padmé and Anakin visit her family at the Lake Country estate on Naboo. A family that still doesn't know they are married, although they are about to find out. Complete.”

“The Light and the Dark” “Chapter 1 in the Hearts and Souls series. An unexpected Separatist attack 'accidentally' reunites two star-crossed lovers, giving them a brief moment of peace at a time of war. Complete.”

“Shadows of Winter” “Chapter 2 in the Hearts and Souls series. With six days to spend together celebrating their two year anniversary, Anakin and Padme travel separately to a remote planet in the Hoth system. Romance, passion, and danger await them. Complete.”

“Beloved” “Chapter 3 in the "Hearts and Souls" series. When faced with the most horrific news imaginable, Padme's utter desperation forces her to turn to Obi-Wan and even Chancellor Palpatine for help. Her greatest personal challenge awaits... Complete”

“Paradise” “The sequel to "Beloved." Following Padme's daring rescue of her husband, the Skywalker's return to Naboo for eight days to heal, unwind, spend time with family, and deal with their connection to the Dark Side of the Force.”

“Salvation” “After facing his moment of truth, Anakin and Padmé must finally deal with the consequences. Obi-Wan reveals a startling discovery. Complete”

“Scandalous” “The sequel to Salvation. On the eve of Padmé Skywalker's official ascension to the role of Vice Chair of the Republic, Anakin steals her away for a wild vacation to Cloud City. Complete.”

“Sacred” “Chapter 2. Ahsoka and Jo'Seth grow closer. Padme's trip to the Jedi Temple on Republic business turns a bit more adventurous. Anakin and Obi-Wan have a heart to heart talk about moving forward.”

“Belonging” “A private afternoon lunch to catch up with an old friend during the Clone Wars reveals a great deal to ObiWan Kenobi. AP”

“Before the Seasons Change” “With the Darth Sidious finally defeated and the Clone Wars ended, Anakin and Padme consider what comes next in their lives. Anakin/Padme”

“Amor Vincit Omnia” “AU. After a three and a half year separation Vice Chair Amidala and Jedi Master Skywalker have some unfinished business as the Clone Wars have finally ended and Palpatine is dead.”

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If there’s any stories I missed, let me know!

#Anidala #anidala fanfiction #Vaderdala #vaderdala fanfiction #Anidala fic rec

213 notes · View notes

tothemeadow · 4 years ago

Text

at least I’m trying

➜ pairing: rengoku kyoujuro x reader ➜ warnings: struggling with addiction, blood, death, angst with happy ending. ➜ words: 5k ➜ a/n: i post more of my works at @thgreatestblue!

@redgokus hi!! i worked very hard on this piece and i’m very pleased with how it turned out. i hope you like it as well!! happy holidays! ❤

summary: Smoking was almost like breathing underwater. Not that you didn’t feel like you have been drowning all your life. A gentle hand is all it takes for you to finally realize that maybe staying underwater wasn’t the best option.

The night was cold as the winter was right around the corner - the landscape changing ever so slowly but gradually. When you first came here, the flowers were blooming and growing strong in the garden while the bees flew by each one of them. The colors of the spring painted a beautiful portrait, making the scenery more lively than ever. The soil was a healthy shade of brown and the grass around the State was as soft as your feet could tell.

Mitsuri Kanroji was kind enough to let you stay. After she saved you from a Demon attack, you were brought to her house, and she took you under her wing - since there was nowhere and no one for you to return to. She had been so overwhelmingly kind and thoughtful of you - taking care of your injuries every day, cooking your favorite food - that to retribute her generosity, you decided to join the Demon Slayer Corps.

However, the memory still lingered like bad perfume. You father shielding you from demonic claws that attacked you two one night when coming back from the restaurant he used to work. All you can remember is the strong scent of cigarettes coming from him as he hugged you one last time.

And maybe that’s why you ended up here. With a cigarette between your lips, gazing at the sky on a peaceful night. The moon was hidden behind heavy clouds as the atmosphere darkened without its shine. Smoking was almost like breathing underwater. Not that you didn’t feel like you have been drowning all your life.

“You shouldn’t be smoking.”

A strong and very familiar voice comes from beside you - making you curse internally. His tone wasn’t particularly angry, but the indication was there. You turn your head to the left, lifting your body from the wall you were leaning on to face the owner of that voice - who has been on your mind more often than you would like to admit. The Flame Pillar was standing at the entrance of the house, his arms crossed over his chest, staring at you.

And you could swear every time he looked at you when there was a cigarette between your lips, his eyes would darken to a different shade – as if he was trying to burn the devil on your tongue through sheer power of his stare.

Sometimes, you wondered if that was even possible. Sometimes, like today, you were sure of it.

“If it’s going to put your heart at peace,” There’s a hint of sarcasm in your voice; it was almost like second nature by now, building walls around as soon as someone tried to take a look inside - and truth be told, it was quite a mess. You slowly blow the smoke out your mouth and nose, “I don’t do this frequently.”

Mitsuri’s State was one of the most frequented by the Pillars, since she was friends with probably all of them. Her personality was bubbly and sweet, it was easy to be around her - that’s why you had stayed in the first place. It was common to see them coming and going, mostly Obanai, Shinobu and Kyojuro.

Kyojurou’s bushy brows furrowed deeper. It wasn’t the first time you threw snarky comments like that at him. It wasn’t the first time he had seen you smoking either. Though, every time; without failing, he would hold his intense stare at you for a few seconds, a disapproving look written all over his face.

You would just shrug it off; making sure to take another drag before fiercely returning his stare with the same intensity. Sometimes he would look away first, sometimes you did. Although it was easy, pretending it didn’t turn your stomach all over and made you sick – thinking you didn’t have his respect - it still burned your wounds like fresh water.

This was the first time he decided to speak his mind, though.

“What about your lungs?” He asks, stepping closer to where you are standing, eyes fixed on your hand that is holding the cigarette. Something twists inside you, heart skipping a beat. It wasn’t every day that a Pillar - the Flame Pillar above everyone else - would step in your personal space with accusing eyes that burned holes in your face. “It’s going to damage your breathing.”

You shift from one foot to another, looking anywhere but at the man who was right beside you now. Not that it made any difference; Kyojurou had a strong aura surrounding his being - it was overwhelming - the way he was graced with such a powerful presence and unshakeable will. The air is thick around you; the warmth of his body is noticeable even though there is a small distance between you two.

Out of habit, you bring your hand towards your mouth for another drag. Anything to numb the confusing anxiety; the rise of your heartbeats, the heat on your neck that spreads to your cheeks that intensifies every second that his attention is on you.

Before you could reach your mouth though, Kyojuro stops you, holding your wrist midway. It sends a shiver down your spine but you don’t back off; nor let it show how a single touch from him made you react so intensely.

“I’m going to die before facing the issue that comes with smoking, Flame Pillar.” You challenge him by trying to shake your hand off his grip, but it’s firm and strong, imprinting the heat of his big fingers on your bare skin. You knew you weren’t going to forget the feeling of his hands so soon; after all, fire always leaves imprints.

“What?” Finally looking at him, still annoyed by his interference but not exactly angry. It was a mix of feelings you didn’t want to separate and catalog just yet.

Kyojuro’s golden and beautiful eyes stare at you with a piercing gaze; you don’t know if that’s a good sign or not. This close, you catch a hint of red at the seams of his iris that you’ve never noticed before - you have never been mere inches from his face before as well.

You can’t help but stare at him in return, silence falling between you two. His eyes burn bright against the dark of the night, consuming you all together. Kyojuro gently takes the cigarette from your fingers with his other hand and throws it on the ground, making sure to step on it to make his point as clear as water.

You take a long breath, running your free hand through your hair, all this situation making you even more nervous. “You know I have more cigarettes with me, right?”

He sighs but doesn’t look resigned. Yet. For a second, you think he’s going to back off and continue on his way. Instead, he takes a deep and long breath, squeezing your wrist so slightly that if you weren’t so self aware of his touch you wouldn’t have noticed. Your heart skips another beat.

“I’ve seen what addiction does to someone,” Kyojuro speaks, almost like a whisper; making you shiver with his lower tone, so close to you. Something crosses his eyes, a hint of sadness dripping down onto his words. “I would hate to see you going down that path.”

You swallow down, throat suddenly going dry. It wasn’t a secret, at least between the Pillars, that his father was addicted to alcohol; one of the reasons why he had dropped from the positions a few years ago. It wasn’t a secret that his wife’s death was such a low blow that never allowed Kyojuro’s father to get on his feet ever again.

Mitsuri once said he had become a shell of himself, slowly drowning in his own grief between each bottle of alcohol. He had become a bitter man, nothing could make him happy, not even seeing his own child becoming a strong soldier, worthy enough to take his place. What once was pride and joy now was aches from a flame that burned too bright but lost its power too soon.

Was Kyojuro worried that you would take the same path? Was he looking after you all this time, hoping he could change at least your fate? Does he truly care about you?

The back of your neck burns hot with the thought, your cheeks following after. The mere thought of Kyojuro thinking; worrying; looking after you is enough to send you to a dangerous place where you never dared putting a single foot on it.

“I can stop whenever I want.” You look away, defeated.

“Then do it.” Kyojuro encourages you, almost pleading. He cups your hand between his, the warmth of it is pleasing, soothing. “If not for you, do it for me.”

It’s almost comical how fast your eyes met his again, mind going blank with the request. If you were going to say something, you don’t know anymore. The only sound you can hear comes from your own heart, rapidly beating in your chest - and you hoped Kyojuro couldn’t hear them. If it wasn’t for his pinning stare and the weight of his calloused hands tenderly holding yours, you would be gone in a minute.

Actually, you don’t know for how long you stayed there - lost on a trip to the sun. Where the golden rays burned your skin, stripped you down to the bone. Igniting an old purpose, almost faded from your memory - now catching fire and spreading throughout your whole being.

He offers you a gentle smile, one that you can’t help but reciprocate, small and weak but as gentle. Kyojuro squeezes your hand one more time before letting go. You don’t want to admit, but his touch still lingers like a fresh burn scar, one that you would gladly ask for more.

Only when you watch him walk away, you notice you weren’t breathing.

It’s a different type of drowning, you decide.

II.

You didn’t mean to. You really didn’t.

However, it happened. And now you felt like a complete idiot. The words came out of your mouth before you could slow them down, before you could chew them, making it easy to digest. A rampage you didn’t see it coming, which made everything worse.

It’s been two weeks since you stopped smoking. And even though you tried to convince yourself that you could do it at any given time; it turned out to be a far more difficult task than killing Demons. And above everything else, the lingering feeling that your father was slowly disappearing from your memories was something you couldn’t take.

In the first few days it was quite easy; ignoring the way your body asked for just a simple drag. The way your mind started to play tricks with you, demanding a cigarette between your lips. Words of self-loathing, degradation; depressed thoughts that were a rarity; clouded by the smoke. Now, they were being whispered in your mind constantly - there wasn’t a barrier to stop them anymore.

The chatter started to become louder, progressively making your mood worse each day that you chose to not open your father’s small metal case filled with cigarettes before heading out to work. Not having something to hold on to, to distract yourself when an innocent life was taken, when blood dripped down your katana, when the sun would take too long to appear in the sky again - it was too much. The smell was the worst part, once clogged by the scent of nicotine, now was hitting your nostrils like a bullet – another barrier gone, leaving you out in the open.

You hadn’t noticed until now how smoking had become a part of your routine - part of who you were. How much you felt safe in the arms of the addiction. It helped you go through your job without problem, without a second thought. However, now you felt like a veil had lifted from your eyes, and you could see the world less misty, less foggy at the seams.

You weren’t sure if that was a good sign. Actually, no. It wasn’t.

The shakiness of your hands began to make it difficult to hold your katana. More often than not you found yourself missing the target, your eyes playing tricks with your vision, the anxiety taking over your body. A thin thread was the only thing holding your patience and self-control all together.

Until Mitsuri pointed out your strange behavior that night. Although you knew she hadn’t meant to call you out; you were on the verge of a dilemma you didn’t want to be. Trying each day to stay clean was starting to seem impossible at this point. Anger and annoyance were bubbling inside you, every day waking up with a headache because you couldn’t sleep; having to deal with fatigue throughout the night - the thoughts about your father were driving you to the edge.

All it took was a small push for you to dive in. And the commentary - even though unharmful - was enough to finally push you into the abyss. Irritated, something inside you snapped, making you shout things you didn’t mean to, but came out of your own mouth anyway. Remembering the look on her face was enough to make you cry.

“Damn it!” The punch on the wall wasn’t enough to distract you from the growing conflict inside you. Dawn was coming soon enough but the night was still a nightmare.

Smoking never bothered you, so why were you trying anyway? Why were you going through this torture if it wasn’t a problem to begging with? Everything was fine, you were doing fine. So why were you putting yourself through such pain and regret; when the only thing you got from this was even more problems?

You don’t think twice before grabbing the small metal case from your pocket. Even though you stopped smoking, you still carried it with you, it was enough to bring relief on days that the chatter in your head was too loud – having something to ground yourself in reality again.

With shaking hands, you open the case. There were still a few cigarettes inside, and like you did countless times, you picked one. The familiarity of the acts brings a sense of melancholy; putting the cigarette between your lips, lighting up the match.

However, this time you hesitate. The weight of the cigarette on your lips is heavy. The warmth of the fire next to your face isn’t as welcoming as it used to be. It was like coming back home but finding out that it’s empty, there’s nothing you can hold onto to make it better.

You stare at the flames; the fire flicks with the wind, dancing between your fingers as it burns down the match. Still, you don’t light the cigarette. Dawn reflects on the embers and it reminds of big, golden eyes, vibrant red at the seams. Shining in the night, like a beacon. Warming up the day, like the sun.

You remember his words, his voice engraved in your mind when there was nothing to keep the spiraling thoughts at bay; cutting through them like the sharpest sword ever made.

Do it for me.

It’s so gentle that it makes your heart throb; the fragile state of it cracks, marking the intrinsic shape of your heart with thin fissures all over the form. But it doesn’t break. Yet.

“Dam it, Kyojuro.” But there is no anger in your voice.

You close your eyes, leaning on the wall. There’s a pleasant breeze hitting your face as the morning finally comes.

Resigned, you throw the cigarette on the ground.

lll.

When the first snowflake fell from the sky into the cold of the night, your body shivered from head to toe. The haunting of the hills penetrating your clothes, into your skin and down to your bones; like the frigid weather of the winter. As the snow fell, you watched little puffs of white air coming out of your mouth; condensing into a misty plume, dancing in front of you in a torturous memory of smoke.

You tried to steady your breath, but not even the purest snow could bring you peace.

The cold air burns your throat, pouring waves of agonizing cold into your lungs; burning on the inside. As you try to steady your breath, it starts to become a painful task at each minute; your hand is gripping the material of your clothes over your heart, the feeling of the beats reverberating through the night.

The contrast between the heat of your body and the icy feeling of the snow is enough to make you melt, transforming you in a puddle of your own self as your knees hit the ground in a muffled thud.

Winter is at its full, the moon casts a phantasmagory glimmer and everything seems like a faded memory from the past. One you tried to forget, but like a ghost, it never ceased to haunt you. Never allowed you to stray too far away from shore.

Two bodies lay in front of you. A father and a daughter. Staining the pure white snow with an evil shade of scarlet red. It’s ugly.

You watch helplessly as the blood slowly covers the snow; growing darker and bigger; the puddle of the still hot liquid hitting your knees sends another shiver down your spine. It makes you want to puke.

The air doesn’t burn your throat anymore, but your lungs scream for something you can’t pinpoint. You watch as the streams of blood pour down the mountain, a river flowing down from its source; everything becomes faded as the shadows grow darker around the corner of your vision. The grip on your clothes is so tight your knuckles turn white.

There’s an incessant feeling in your stomach; turning and shifting from side to another. Flashes of memories overflow your mind; pouring down your heart and filling your veins like poison. At this point you should be used to drowning in those feelings, but they still take your breath each time nonetheless.

Nothing makes sense. Everything makes sense.

“Y/N, breathe.” Someone calls your name; a faded sound in the background of a total cacophony of thoughts still overflowing your head.

It’s heavy, it hurts.

Then, there’s a firm grip on your shoulders and suddenly the scene is covered, but the imprint of it still remains on your memory. The shadow of a failed mission hits you harder than ever before. The smell of blood is unbearable, black dots appear on your vision, making it hard to focus, to see.

“You need to breathe, Y/N.” The voice tries again; touching your chin, lifting you face so you could stare two golden eyes shining bright in the night.

Kyojuro gently cups and holds your face between his hands, tender eyes looking at you. His palms always seemed to hold the heat of the sun somehow. It warms your freezing face in a few seconds; melting the snow that had started to cover your heart. A welcoming change of season that puts you on rotation again.

You breathe in. Breathe out.

“Just like that, breathe.” He says, encouraging you with small strokes of his thumb on your cheek. It’s a delicate movement, wiping away tears that you had shed without knowing.

Your lungs scream in pain; this time because of the cold air entering them, not the lack of it. The shadows around the corner of your vision slowly diffuses, leaving you with a clear view of his face, so close to yours - so beautifully full of alive.

Fatigue begins to settle down on your bones. You’re tired. Tired of trying; tired of fighting everyday against an evil you know you can’t defeat, not alone. It’s a battle you showed up with only a wood sword while the others were wearing shiny armors and swords made out of steel.

Kyojuro’s hand runs down your neck, bringing your face closer; slowly guiding you to put your head on his shoulder. His other arm wraps around your body in a half hug; hand caressing your back. You feel like crying again. The heat of his body involves you - it reminds you of a fireplace, comforting and keeping you warm throughout the harsh winter. Kyojuro’s hands, although calloused, are more than welcomed to touch your face.

Feeling like something is missing, your shaky hands reach out inside your Haori, grabbing the little metal case that once belonged to your father; it finally grounds you in the moment with a last sense of comfort, but you don’t open it.

Instead, you take a deep breath. Deeping your face on his shoulder, breathing in Kyojuro’s smell. it’s soothing; like staying in the sun when it’s cold; when the hot tea runs down your throat and warms your entire body.

“You’re really doing this for me, aren’t you?” He whispers in your ears, thumb still rubbing your cheeks in a slow motion.

You couldn’t get enough of this feeling. When was the last time someone had held you this close with such tender care? You couldn’t bring yourself to return the hug, hands still gripping the case. However, you really did appreciate his touch. Lighting every single part of your body that was still in the dark, reaching even the corners you didn’t want to visit.

“I’m here now,” Kyojuro’s tender words make your heart beat fast, doing wonders for your broken spirit. It’s so gentle that it’s enough to bring your walls down; make you open your door and let him in.

“And I’m going to take care of you.” Kyojuro kisses your forehead.

And just like that, your heart throbs again; painfully aware of the impact of those words. What they truly meant. The cracks in your heart grow bigger, snapping at the seams that were still holding the fragile organ together.

And you break.

But this time, Kyojuro’s there to hold your broken pieces.

IV.

When the colors of the trees started to look more vivid by each day, slowly growing leaves and making the landscape more friendly, more inviting. When you could see hints of buds of flowers fighting to grow in the backyard of the State, when the bees came out of their houses more frequently – making Mitsuri plan her next honey production - you knew spring was coming. The change of season came, changing the scenario, changing you.

Those past few months were a journey you never intend to go. If you were being honest, you would’ve never followed that path. At some point you even looked back, took a few steps backwards; not knowing if you were close to the end, or still in the start.

Then there was Kyojuro, gripping your hand so tight you couldn’t think about letting go; pulling you further the path. When you thought it was impossible to keep going, he would sit down with you and hold you in his arms. You couldn’t overcome your addiction in one day, it was a long path, one that he was willing to stay and make some company as you put yourself back together.

You weren’t alone anymore. And that made your journey so much easier.

The sun was high in the sky, the spring had just arrived and you couldn’t wait to taste Mitsuri’s famous honey again – this time you would truly appreciate the taste - couldn’t wait to sit in the garden and take care of the flowers while watching the butterflies fly around you. Spring has always been your favorite season, there was a magical feeling to it; bringing everything back to life; the colors; the animals; nature. A promise of a fresh beginning for everyone, mostly for you.

The water is cold against your body as you swim carelessly. The day was warm; the sun in all its glory in the sky. The river at Himejima’s State was always a degree colder than it should be, but after some time you got used to it. It had been a while since you swam, you liked the feeling of being afloat, how the water made you feel lighter and cleaner.

Cleaning your mind after the storm that crashed through was a tough task, one that took quite some time; but with the need to wipe the place and rebuild everything from scratch, there were some things you found you had long forgotten, hidden underneath broken furniture and shattered glass.

One of them was your love for spring, for calmness and for swimming. Long gone were the days you spent with your father by the lake next to your house; where you two would spend the day washing clothes and splashing water at each other. However, it wasn’t a bitter memory. Not anymore.

“Hey! I see that you’re starting the day quite well!” Kyojuro’s voice is recognizable even from afar, you didn’t need to open your eyes to know that he was approaching. Your heart though, was another story.

“You found me.” You say with a smile on your face, still not daring to open your eyes.

Kyojuro had become a great friend after the day you broke down in front of him. You knew the Pillar was a kind and honorable man - Mitsuri had only good things to say about him. However, there was always a tension when you two were in the same room; it was heavier as the days passed and his eyes on you weren’t as welcome as you wish they were.

Your paranoia played a great part in your relationship with him. Only when your walls came crumbling down and he was the first to step in; showing that all this time, it was just concern behind golden eyes, you stopped putting traps along the way, letting him in without a fight.

“How are you holding up?” His voice is closer now, probably by the riverbank.

You were good; for the first time you weren’t telling a lie to yourself. There was no desire to smoke anymore, not when you knew how it felt being clean. How you could taste Mitsuri’s food better; not smelling like smoke all the time. And most important, you had got so much better at the breathing technique. All the missions you went were a success, and you were proud of yourself – a foreign feeling that you were still getting used to.

“I’m…” You trailed off, getting caught up by the sight before you. Kyojuro was stripping down his clothes, his perfect toned chest glowing as the sun framed his perfect form. Your face is a shade redder as you quickly averted your eyes “…Good.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

You hear the sound of splashing water, followed by some movement from beside you. You take a deep breath before looking at his direction again. He’s close now, submerging up to his chin. You didn’t know if you were disappointed or relived. Maybe a mix of both.

“It’s cold!” He shouts, a ghost of teeth chattering as he swims next to you, testing the waters.

“Of course you would say that,” You laugh softly, arms moving at your sides to help you stay afloat.

The river wasn’t too deep, if you stayed close to the riverbank you could easily enjoy the coldness of the water without worrying too much. However, as you swam to the middle, you needed to make a little bit more of effort; it was the best part of the river for you though.

Suddenly, Kyojuro’s smiling at you; so bright and full of care that for a moment your mind goes blank.

Not knowing what to do with his gaze on you – truth be told, you never knew what to do but blush – you shove your hands forward, making a wave of water to splash against his unguarded face. After the first initial shock, Kyojuro laughs so loud that every part of your body lights up with a satisfying feeling, you liked his laugh, his voice. Him.

Not letting you go without revenge, he splashes you with a cascade of water that has you coughing for air; the difference between your waves and his are so ridiculous that at some point you have both of your arms shoving water in his direction. You two look like children playing in the river, and it’s not a bad portrayal; it’s quite soothing as the forest is filled with both of your laughs.

The moment lasts, until he grabs your wrist, stopping you from splashing another wave of water at him again. Your body freezes in the spot as his other arm encircles your waist, pulling you closer to him.

Just like the sun, Kyojuro had a magnet on him, too compelling, too strong. He had a way to pull you closer without even noticing, as if you had always been gravitating towards him; You would inevitably come crashing into him someday.

The warmth of his breath hits your face, making you shiver from head to toe - something you thought was impossible due to the coldness of the water. Kyojuro purses his lips, slowly closing the gap between you two.

And instead of fighting against the anxiety building up inside you, the familiar feeling you always felt when he was too close. The beating of your heart, too fast to pass unnoticed. You close your eyes and let it go.

Kyojuro’s lips are soft against yours. His hand grips tighter your waist, making you sigh against his mouth. He releases your wrist, involving you with both arms, his muscular naked body against yours awakes something in the pitch of your stomach. Kyojuro tilts his head to the side, just enough to sink into the kiss even more.

Your hands quickly travel along his face, enveloping his neck in a strong grip, pulling him closer. Showing him that yes, you want this as much as he does. He kisses you gently but still manages to take your breath away.

Pulling away slowly, you still hold his neck in a tight grip; an attempt to ground yourself from the drunk feeling growing in your chest.

“You taste like cinnamon.” Kyojuro whispers, lips so close that it brushes against yours.

“Do you like it?” You don’t know why you’re whispering, but it seems fitting. As if any louder word would break the spell of the moment.

“It’s delicious!” Kyojuro says with a huge smile on his face, and you can’t help but smile too.

He brings a hand to your face, touching your cheek tenderly, and without thinking twice, you lean into his touch. A welcomed act that has your heart and body demanding for more.

Bad habits are hard to break; and maybe you have found a new addiction to hold on to for the rest of your life. Only this time it was healthier. It was love.

*****

Secret Santa from @thgreatestblue to @redgokus ! Happy Holidays!

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passable-talent · 4 years ago

Note

Going with Ani to free his mom because you know it’s such a big moment for him (and obviously being there for the aftermath)

oof. here I go to make myself angsty for the evening

same day request answering. its like its april.

Padme Amidala is a really good person. It pretty much all comes back to that.

She’s kind. She’s empathetic. She recognizes when someone is in pain, and when someone needs help. She understands when an unwise course of action is one that needs to be taken.

So, of course, she understood when the Jedi apprentice meant to protect her instead wanted to run away to his birth planet and help his mother. Of course she did.

Though, level headed as she was, she thought that it might be wise to gather up another Jedi. To watch over her while Anakin was distracted, or possibly to help Anakin face whatever plagued his mother.

She suggested Anakin call upon Obi-Wan, which he refused. Obi-Wan’s mission was just as important, and if he knew what Anakin planned, Anakin would never be allowed to go.

So, instead, he called for you.

You were also a Jedi apprentice, at that time training between missions at the temple on Coruscant. Your master, Shaak Ti, trusted you immensely, and granted you permission to leave on your own. You commanded a Starfighter and were on your way- opening a com to Anakin en route. You had never been to Tatooine before, but had heard about it whenever Anakin felt like sharing his childhood. As his closest friend other than his master, you knew how much his mother weighed on his soul, and how much he had wished that Qui-Gon could have saved her, too. You had known that one day, he would try to return. He had promised his Shmi as much.

Anakin’s reunion with Watto was tense for just about everyone there. You didn’t know the terrain, you barely knew Padme, you certainly didn’t know Watto, but you felt the impatience rolling off of Anakin. It put you on edge, and so as he followed Watto into the shop, you kept pace behind Padme, ensuring her safety. It was the one thing you felt you were capable of doing, the one thing you could control.

Anakin wasn’t very talkative. Padme tried- but he was a focused man, and felt closer to finding his mother than he had in a decade. You were a silent support, beside the senator, as though you could take some of the weight off of Anakin’s shoulders. Every emotion he experienced seemed to radiate out from him, and it almost made your head pound to get blasted with them all- the guilt, the fear, the anger. You just hoped that he’d find his mother alive, or else, you imagined, this would get so much worse.

When you left the ship again, you found yourself in the most flat, barren landscape you’d ever seen. Growing up among the skyscrapers of Coruscant, it was almost unfathomable, to look out at the horizon and see nothing between you and it.

There was, however, one little building, which you could gather was your destination. And a droid.

Anakin’s mind must have been clouded by his emotion, or maybe he just wasn’t showing it, because you could feel that something was off. From the moment C-3PO requested to go inside, you knew that there was nothing but bad news here. You couldn’t say anything, though- you felt it wasn’t your place. Anakin was among his family, now, even if they’d never met him, and he needed to hear it from them.

You could tell. Shmi Skywalker was gone.

“It was just before dawn,” Cliegg Lars explained, “they came out of nowhere. A hunting party of Tusken Raiders.” You had heard of them before- in Anakin’s ramblings of the pod racing he did as a child. You sat at the end of the table opposite Cliegg, though it did feel informal. The head of the table was meant for anyone other than you, surely- but Anakin had his place at Cliegg’s right hand, and Owen at his left.

“Your mother had gone out early, like she always did, to pick mushrooms off the vaporators.” At the very least, you were silently happy that Shmi had spent her last years as a free woman with a husband that clearly cared about her greatly.

“From the tracks, she was about halfway home...” Your heart broke with every word for Anakin Skywalker, who had spent years dreaming of returning for his mother, only to arrive too late. “...When they took her.” Anakin’s face was devoid of clear emotion, but you knew him well- you could see that famous temper brewing inside of him. But, this was more than a frustration. This was so much deeper than that.

“Those tuskens walk like men,” Cliegg continued with a sigh, “but they’re mindless, vicious monsters. Thirty of us went out after her, four of us came back.” You lowered your head in respect, but kept your eyes on your friend, whose brows were tightly knit. He was thinking, mulling it over, considering, processing. You couldn’t blame him, but wished you could make it easier.

“I’d be out there with them, but...” Cliegg, too, was weighed down by his grief. His loss, you could see, was still just as raw as Anakin’s. “After I lost my leg, I just couldn’t ride anymore, until I heal.” Anakin’s heart seemed to break open wider with every moment that passed him by, and Cliegg continued, trying to reassure his lost stepson that his mother hadn’t died unloved.

“I don’t want to give up on her, but she’s been gone a month.” Unimaginable it was how much it must’ve hurt Anakin to know that he had missed her by only a month. “There’s little hope she’s lasted this long.”

And there it was- the clear implication to Anakin that his mother was not only gone, but dead. That there was a finality to it, and nothing he could do. You watched him, carefully, as he turned his head, and clearly you could see that he didn’t take such helplessness well.

He stood, and you made to do the same, but the both of you were interrupted by Owen, asking Anakin’s intensions.

“To find my mother,” Anakin said, and you let out a short breath.

“Your mother’s dead, son,” Cliegg said, with the voice of a heartbroken husband, “Accept it.”

Anakin left without a word.

You followed, knowing his plan.

“Anakin, it’s dangerous,” you told him, and he turned, shaking his head.

“I’m going. I have to.”

“I know,” you said, and in the gaze you shared with him, he realized that you meant to come with him.

Padme emerged from the entrance, and her gaze met yours. You nodded, and she gathered that you hadn’t been able to stop him. You hadn’t tried.

“You’re gonna have to stay here,” you said, a little more hardness in your tone than you had intended. “You’ll be safe until we return.” Anakin stood behind you, grief and anger rolling off of him, and though she could not feel the Force, Padme clearly could see a man in pain. After all, Padme Amidala is a really good person. She walked to him and gave him a brief hug.

“We won’t be long,” you promised as they parted, and as she retreated inside, you followed him to the speeder.

The longer he rode, the more anguish he felt. He hardened before you, from a boy who lost his mother, to a man who sought revenge. You could only hope you would serve to curb the damage.

Just after nightfall you reached the encampment of the raiders, their domes still lit by dying fires. You deferred to Anakin’s lead, assuming that he would know your enemy better than you. It had been a while since the two of you had gone on a mission together- if the atmosphere were less dire, you might have even enjoyed it.

You don’t know how he chose which dome to enter, but it was the right one. You felt the world change when Anakin laid eyes on the bloodied woman tied to a post, like you were recognizing her yourself. Shmi Skywalker, still alive.

“Go,” you whispered, stationing yourself between the opening of the dome and the opening Anakin had created. His reunion was his own, and you gave him the best security and privacy you could. It was astounding that she had survived, all this time, and for a moment you were filled with hope, joy, that he had disobeyed Cliegg and searched for her anyway. Otherwise, she likely never would have been found. You kept your eyes to the night outside the dome, a lookout, your breathing calm with the joy and love and relief that Anakin had once again allowed into his body.

And then you felt it change.

You whirled around, and she was dead, and Anakin’s silence was suddenly all you could hear. The world was turning red around the both of you as he felt the grief of his mother’s death for a second time, and his eyes lifted to yours.

“Anakin,” you breathed, knowing nothing else to say. His grief hardened into anger, but he gently closed her eyes and held her close. You didn’t know what to do. Panic hit you hard as his anger curdled into rage, and his eyes lifted.

“Anakin, we need to take her home,” you said, hoping to deflect his focus. He didn’t listen.

As he lowered her gently to the floor so that he could stand, you tried to move into his way, and successfully you cupped his face, catching his eyes for just a moment. In them, you didn’t see the anger you felt from him. In them, you saw so much sadness.

And so you let him go.

It wasn’t the Jedi way, you knew that. And you wished you could will yourself to move, to stop him, because the pain that his actions would cause would haunt him, possibly for the rest of his life. But it felt as though he needed this, as though it was the only thing that would sate his soul. So you breathed mantras, and did your best to combat his anger with peace, thinking that it might invade him.

And when the Tusken Raiders had all given their last breaths to Anakin Skywalker, you went to him.

He collapsed to his knees under his own weight, no longer grieving but feeling a consuming emptiness. You had to force yourself to block it out as you ran to him, and pulled him against you. Never before had you felt someone who needed a hug so bad, and only then did he begin to break, knotting his fingers into the robes at your back. He buried his face, but did not cry, and you stayed as long as he needed you to.

You drove home. He held his mother, behind you, cradling her like she had once held him. You rode through sunrise, back to Cliegg’s home, where quickly you were met by Owen, Padme, Cliegg, Beru. You dismounted quickly and retreated, knowing that this was Anakin’s moment, and his alone. His anger had returned, but it didn’t feel so sharp anymore- it was anger and sadness and frustration, and it just felt to you like pain. Incredible pain.

You stayed in the room with him, wherever he went, continuing the strategy you’d had back at the camp. You held peace in your chest, and hoped that he could feel it the way you felt his pain. You hoped it would calm him. His pain did not fade, but it did dull, and for a while as he tinkered with the shifter, it felt as though maybe the anger had drained from his body.

Padme entered with two meals, and she handed one to you before approaching Anakin, her footsteps light, but her presence noticeable.

“I brought you something,” she said over his shoulder, and when he didn’t respond, she moved around to his front. “Are you hungry?”

“The shifter broke,” he told her, and if it wouldn’t have taken from your concentration you would’ve chuckled. He avoided the question- you knew he hadn’t eaten in at least a day. “Life seems so much simpler when you’re fixing things.” You would give anything to have back the boy you’d trained with on Corellia. So heavy Anakin felt now, with everything that had happened. You wished you could give him back the peace he had once felt. Padme looked to you briefly as she moved to set down the tray near Anakin, and you nodded. You’d get him to eat eventually.

“I’m good at fixing things,” Anakin continued, “always was.” Padme turned back to him slowly, the both of you noticing the waver in his voice. “But I couldn’t...” he trailed off, putting down his tools. “Why’d she have to die? Why couldn’t I save her?” You sat up, more toward your feet, ready to approach him if you felt the need. He was getting ramped up again, but the jagged edges of his grief this time was less anger and more blame. Blame on the Tuskens, blame on himself. “I know I could have!” He turned from Padme and for the briefest of moments his eyes met yours, but he moved forward, away from both of you.

“Sometimes there are things no one can fix,” Padme said softly, and you kept your breathing steady to combat his erratic emotion. “You’re not all powerful, Ani.”

“Well, I should be,” he said, giving her words no time to hang in the air.

“Anakin,” you said, showing disapproval of such a thought, and for the first time wished Obi-Wan was there.

“Someday I will be,” he insisted. “I will be the most powerful Jedi ever.” He turned to face you and Padme again, tears glistening on his face but his expression angry. You didn’t know what to say, even when he levied his gaze toward you.

“I promise you. I will even learn to stop people from dying.”

“Anakin,” it was Padme’s turn to say, and what he said next shook you to your core.

“It’s all Obi-Wan’s fault!” he shouted, “He’s jealous! He’s holding me back!” Anakin launched whatever he’d picked up across the room, and it clattered quietly before coming to rest.

“You know that’s not true,” you said, quickly rising to your feet. You took a step closer to Anakin as he turned away, but did not get too near.

“I know,” he conceded under his breath. Padme sensed what was really going on.

“What’s wrong, Ani?’ She asked, and finally you realized what was truly causing his pain, in this moment. He was looking at his hands as he stuttered the beginning of a sentence, the hands that had killed so many.

The peace in your body faltered- if you had stopped him, he wouldn’t be grieving nearly so much now. It was your fault.

“I killed them,” he explained, “I killed them all. They’re dead- every single one of them.” He turned to Padme with rage at himself and the raiders twitching his lips, tears still falling from his eyes. “And not just the men, but the women and the children, too. They’re like animals, and I slaughtered them like animals!” You lowered your head, trying to push away your own guilt so that you could be there for him. His pain, you knew, was greater than yours.

“I hate them!”

Hate leads to suffering.

As Anakin sank to the floor, you and Padme sat to flank his sides. You were his best friend, closer to him than anyone else in the world, and so you leaned against his side while Padme offered her words.

“To be angry is to be human.”

“I’m a Jedi,” Anakin insisted, “I know I’m better than this.”

“Most Jedi never know their parents,” you said softly, “and never form attachments. There is no one in a Jedi’s life who matters as much as your mother does to you. I’m sure you’re taking this with more grace than Master Windu would have.” Anakin didn’t laugh, but he did quiet, almost as though he believed you. Slowly you found the hand he held beside his knee, and gathered it into yours.

Padme leaned forward and gave him the best hug she could from the side, but then left Anakin alone with you.

She’s a good person, like that.

“Anakin, I’ve known you for a long time,” you started quietly, “and all of that time I’ve known you to be a kind man. A compassionate man. Quick to anger, yes, but not to judgement. They earned your rage, and that’s okay. It does not outweigh all of the good you’ve done in your life.” His grip tightened on your hand, still his breathing erratic, but once again the jagged edges of his mind began to soften. You let silence drift into the room for a moment as he slowly evened.

“She was beautiful,” you said, laying your head down onto his shoulder. He nodded, and slowly, there grew the beginning of a smile on his face. “And she won’t be forgotten.”

-🦌 Roe

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